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Amazon Metes Out Corporate Punishment

Amazon Spanking Seattle Rex

The last article maybe wasn’t exactly the last Amazon update for awhile.  It was close, though.  I just found something out, so bear with me …

So, when Amazon cancelled my order, I figured it was a ploy to reneg on my compensation.  After all, I’d already conceded to wait, how hard would it have been to stick my order in another box and ship it back out?  Or just let the order that was on its way, continue? Just why, exactly, did I need to start over from square one, and take time out of my day to

Continue reading Amazon Metes Out Corporate Punishment

Concrete Barriers Necessary: Only in Seattle

KinderCare with Barricades

KinderCare with Barricades

What you see above, is concrete barriers outside of a KinderCare in Midtown Seattle.

A few months ago, an automobile failed to stop, and it plowed right through the plate glass windows.  Fortunately it was after-hours and no one was injured (except the car occupants), but had it happened earlier in the day, several children would, without any doubt, be dead.

KinderCare – Boarding Windows

For months, the childcare business had boards on the windows, but they recently got them replaced.  Then, they placed concrete barriers in front of the daycare to prevent the kids

Continue reading Concrete Barriers Necessary: Only in Seattle

Tears

t-word

That’s the current front page of the CNN website.

The T-word?

Are they serious?

Can they be serious?

I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. I had tears streaming down my face.  TEARS!

The N-word, the R-word, the G-word, the T-word, congratulations you’re all in preschool again, censored where you stand.

Since the beginning of human habitation, the elite have tried to control the speech of their inferiors.

Why?

Because they knew then what we know now.

If you can figure out how to control speech, thought soon follows.

More recently, the ruling-class has found an even

Continue reading Tears

Last Amazon Update for Awhile

Amazon Logo

So, I got Amazon’s answer to my homeless challenge.

It was ‘no’.

Damn. I thought I had a chance. They’d prefer to fight me in court than help the homeless. Even a tiny, minuscule amount. And of course, that’s their prerogative. That’s also what I was afraid of.

You always hope that when a company sees that you won’t back down, they’ll let up on you. That’s why you have to be confident and a tad bit aggressive. Sure, it’s a bit of a bluff, but bluffing is all you have against a company that large. You have to

Continue reading Last Amazon Update for Awhile

Amazon: Final Offer … $125 to the Homeless

Amazon, You hate me. Fine. I get it.

How about this?

$125 to the homeless of Seattle? The cost of only ONE of my orders. NOT a homeless charity, mind you, too many of those are scams and you can’t write this off. It’s too small. $125 to homeless people. Human beings.

No conditions about how they spend it, either.

Just because they’re homeless, it doesn’t mean that they’re children. They don’t need silver-spoon elitists fucks to make sure they spend it “on the right things”. Just as many suburban white people piss away their money on stupid shit as

Continue reading Amazon: Final Offer … $125 to the Homeless

Amazon Takes One Last Shot at Me

Amazon Logo

After ignoring my emails all day yesterday, Amazon finally agreed to make my order good this morning.

Since my deadline for the gift orders were actually tomorrow, they told me to re-place the order with overnight shipping, send them the order number, and they would credit me for the shipping.

Relief.

I went back to the website to do exactly that, except oh no, what’s this, there was no overnight shipping available for my order.

I replied to the service agent to explain this development, and ….

“Wait, are you saying that after all you went through, they

Continue reading Amazon Takes One Last Shot at Me

Google Removes the Greatest Thing Ever

Android Urinating on Apple

“We’re sorry for this inappropriate user-created content; we’re working to remove it quickly. We also learn from these issues, and we’re constantly improving how we detect, prevent and handle bad edits.”, said a Google PR person.

Then, she slowly removed the stick from her ass, careful not to rupture anything, looked around, blinked twice, then followed with, “But seriously though, Apple sucks and I save their press releases at home to wipe my ass on.”

 

Trouble at Doggy Daycare

Dogy Daycare Fight

What did you say to my bitch? What did you say to my bitch?

I told her to lose the zero and get with a hero, what, you wearin’ your jumbo-sized Neuticals today?

No, I left my jumbo-sized Neuticals at your mother’s doghouse, motherfucker.

O …. K … we’ll just stay over here until you guys are finished and … no, no, take your time, no rush, my owner works until 7pm, it’s all good, go ahead and finish him off.

P.S. Neuticals are artificial balls.

Continue reading Trouble at Doggy Daycare

Suing Amazon

New Amazon Tower

 

• I placed an order and paid extra for, and I quote, “Guaranteed Two-Day Shipping”.  (I’ve never had anything arrive in 2 days from Amazon via second day shipping, but I guess I’m an optimist.  Plus I got tired of waiting two weeks for deliveries, a time artificially extended to extract $99 more from customers.)

• 3 days later, it had not arrived as usual, so I contacted Amazon.  After a couple of bad interactions, I also left negative feedback.

• “For my inconvenience”, Amazon apologized profusely and seemingly sincerely (they weren’t), and they agreed to compensate me. They gave me

Continue reading Suing Amazon

Watch Your Back, Fool

Hipster Warning

In some cities, it’s a sign that you’re in gang territory.

In others, it’s a place to buy drugs.

In Seattle, if you spot shoes hanging over a wire, you know with certainty that you’re in a neighborhood full of ex-suburban, white, recent-college-grads with beards and a fetish for authenticity, all of whom would run like their ass was on fire at the mere sight of an actual minority.

That’s right, homies, Sebastian’s turned stone-cold ghetto, and real ghetto niggaz don’t turn their shoes into Payless for proper disposal.  Motherfucker.  You know, unless they’ve flown home for spring break

Continue reading Watch Your Back, Fool

The SPD’s New Policy Already a Success

Car Crashes Through Seattle Resturant

The city of Seattle will consider changing how it prioritizes incidents. Right now it follows a national model — life safety, property, then traffic. The city says it is considering prioritizing traffic over property.

Well what do you know … it’s already working.

 

Story –>

Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though

Typical Seattle Driver

Typical Seattle Driver

Don’t worry homocidal suburban drivers.  The SPD still wuvs you.

See, drugs are bad for you, but having a 5,000lb steel bullet roll over your head is full of 8 essential vitamins and minerals!

Besides, laws are for poors and minorities.

Do your thing SPD!  Make the city safe for gentrifiers worldwide! Take it from Ed Murray the Tiger, they’re GREAAAATTTTTTT!

SEATTLE – Seattle and federal law enforcement announced 95 arrests Thursday in a major crackdown on drug dealing and other crimes in the city’s downtown core.

Open air drug dealing has been an ongoing issue

Continue reading Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though

Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle

Car Blocking Intersection

Who looks exactly the way that I look? Me! When I am reading, who’s holding the book? Me! When I want dinner, who always will feed me? Who’s always handy whenever I need me? Firm as a feather in all kinds of weather, Me, me, wonderful me!

-Official song of Seattle Tourists Worldwide

“Seattle Rex exaggerates.”

I know you think it. Frankly, I don’t blame you. I would think the same thing.  I have some weird tales to tell at times.  I see things that, frankly, are not very believable.

I’m aware that there’s a healthy amount of skepticism and disbelief

Continue reading Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle

Eating Dick’s on Capitol Hill

Dick's Drive-Thru

On any given weekend night, I can be spotted on Capitol Hill, shoving Dick’s in my mouth, then sucking on the business end of a long cylinder until it erupts into my mouth with all of its creamy goodness.

Yes, Dick’s hamburgers and milkshakes are still quite good after all these years, not to mention, the source of exactly 27.82% of all juvenile penis jokes told within the Seattle City Limits.

Make that 27.83%.

There’s another reason I eat Dick’s, though.  You see, I just happen to be a Swass motherfucker (see 3:24):

“I got a def posse,

Continue reading Eating Dick’s on Capitol Hill

Thanks a Lot, Asshole

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I hope it was one HELL of a text message.

The Reason Elites Love Martin Luther King

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Thank You, Ed Murray

Ed Murray

You know, I have to hand it to Mayor Ed Murray.

I’ve been giving the man hell for the past couple of weeks, but as it turns out, he has way more integrity than I had realized.

Today, Mr. Murray called a press conference to answer his critics, to call off his ill-conceived “Boycott” of Indiana, and what he said surprised even me.

“I was misguided, and I’m sorry”, Murray said, “My heart was in the right place, and I thought I was fighting the good fight, and supporting civil rights. After doing some soul searching over the past

Continue reading Thank You, Ed Murray

Understanding the Inmates

Mental Patient

That run the asylum …

It’s been a rough decade. A recent study found that, in the last decade, Americans finally lost faith in every, single, solitary institution that they used to hold dear.  Supposedly, the CDC and Secret Service were the final holdouts, but even they succumbed to reality over the past year.

Since I was young, I always strived to understand people.  Those whom I agreed with, but even moreso, those whom I didn’t agree with.  I always sought to understand, and even empathize, with those I was the most disgusted by.  Even people who did horrible

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The Lower Troposphere Observation Tower

Space Needle from Capitol Hill

 

I sometimes look at the Space Needle and wonder … space?  It’s 605 feet tall.

Now granted, I’m not 605 feet tall, I’m a little under, but still … space?

What is it supposed to be injecting into the 600′ level, I mean “space”, anyway?

Between you and me, I don’t think the Space Needle reaches all the way into space.  I think it’s just some kind of marketing thing. Extreme Lower Troposphere Needle just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I still like the building, but a little truth in advertising is in order, don’t you think?

Continue reading The Lower Troposphere Observation Tower

I Apologize

Ashamed Statue

Seattle Mayor Ed Murray on Saturday announced his decision to prohibit the use of city funds for travel by all city employees on city business to the State of Indiana after the passage of S.B. 101.

The new law, which was signed by Governor Pence on Thursday, has the potential to legalize discrimination against LGBT people and others based on religious beliefs, a press release from Murray said.

“Seattleites know that discrimination has no place in our City – that’s just equality ‘101’,” said Ed Murray.

More than a dozen states this year are considering measures aimed at preventing

Continue reading I Apologize

The Crucifixion and Martyrdom of Amanda Knox

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It’s over.

Amanda Knox has finally cast off the shackles of her oppressors, and she’s proven to the world that a rich white woman with a highly-paid PR firm behind her, and ties to rich Democratic politicians, can still be treated fairly in our cruel, cruel society.

She suffered for the sins of affluent white girls everywhere, and with a little help from some rich and powerful people, she emerged victorious.

It’s your classic underdog story.

A woman is accused of murder; uses Page 1 from the White Girl Murderer playbook and blames a black guy; is convicted; is un-convicted

Continue reading The Crucifixion and Martyrdom of Amanda Knox

Sound Familiar?

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Yesterday, a woman was beaten on Venice Beach as throngs of onlookers sat and watched.

Sound familiar?

It should.  Not long ago, a woman was attacked in Westlake Park in broad daylight, and nobody stepped in to help her there, either.

The two most heavily Democratic jurisdictions in the country, yet not one person lifts a finger to help?

This is what happens when a problem can’t be solved with snarky Internet comments, or barring that, large marches where they outnumber their opponents.

Remember the Slutwalk, where dissenters were “removed” from public streets by march participants?

Hey guys, where

Continue reading Sound Familiar?

Seattle Mayor Ed Murray Escalates War on the Poor

Homeless Camp on I-5 Ramp

When a city has people living on its streets in poverty and squalor, one might surmise that correcting this would be the top priority of that city’s Democratic Party.

One would be right if that city had a Republican mayor, or any non-Democrat mayor for that matter. Using the poor to shame political opponents is the first pillar of the Democratic Party.

When that city is solidly Democratic, however, priorities quickly shift toward making the rich richer, and the poor … absent.

Just try and find a staunchly Democratic jurisdiction in this country that isn’t notorious for cronyism, nepotism, and

Continue reading Seattle Mayor Ed Murray Escalates War on the Poor

You’ve Been Hit By … You’ve Been Struck By …

Rex1503-51---©SeattleRex

Finding parking during rush hour in Downtown Seattle is a pain in the ass.  It’s one of the many reasons I don’t drive. That and, you know, climate change, the thing car drivers are always wagging their fingers and screaming at me over because they don’t think I believe in it strongly enough.

I’m convinced, though.  I actually fully agree.  I agree that car drivers are ruining the earth.  I agree that people who get in airplanes and fly home for the holidays are selfish assholes who would gladly eradicate the entire planet in order to get a Christmas gift

Continue reading You’ve Been Hit By … You’ve Been Struck By …

Confessions of a Hate Criminal

The Seattle Hate Crimes Task Force

As I was walking up Pike Street on Thursday night, something happened so specifically stereotypical, that I thought it had been planned.    Seriously, when it happened, I looked around, trying to spot the hidden camera, because it was all just too … convenient.

After walking several blocks, I reached the Starbucks Pretentious Suburbanite Room or Tasting Room or whatever the fuck it’s called.  As I stood at the corner of Melrose & Pike, waiting to cross the street, a BMW pulled up, and out popped three precious white women, one from the passenger seat, two from the rear seats.

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Mayor Ed Murray’s War on Tolerance & Diversity

Mayor.Ed.Murray.jpg

Growing up, I was called a “faggot” more times than I can remember. Probably 10,000 times, maybe more. Come to think of it, everyone was called faggot. In fact, I doubt a single day went by when I, my friends, my enemies, and even the boys I didn’t know were called faggots.

I wasn’t gay, though. Oh sure, a little effeminate maybe. In later years, people who knew me when I was a child compared that Haley Joel Osment kid to me. I was a sensitive kid with higher IQ than most of my peers, and it caused me

Continue reading Mayor Ed Murray’s War on Tolerance & Diversity

Keeping it Real

Washington State Democratic Party

 

To all of you who claim to be surprised by the Democrat’s latest wealth transfer bill in Olympia, well, you shouldn’t be.   After all, the Democratic Party was the party which fought for slavery in the Civil War.  The Democratic Party is the party of the Ku Klux Klan. From 1933 to 1960, the Democratic Party opposed 80% of all Civil Rights Bills.  40% of Democrats opposed the Civil Rights Act (as opposed to 20% of Republicans who opposed).

That the Democratic Party would support a bill allowing wealthy white landowners to seize more of black people’s meager earnings

Continue reading Keeping it Real

I See Your Twuuuu Colors, Shining Through

Relaxed Payday Lending

We’re a state run by the Democratic Party, and if you ask anyone around here, they’ll tell you …

The other political parties hate poor people and black people and all other minorities except wait, what’s this, payday loans disproportionately affect poor people and black people and other minorities, and our legislature just sold them to big business.

Despite this, we’ll vote for these very same people in the next election cycle.

Why?

Because we don’t give a damn about poor people or black people or other minorities. Seriously. We could not care less. We just want to feel

Continue reading I See Your Twuuuu Colors, Shining Through

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Protocol Infrared Helicopter

I’ve been critical of the media in the past.

I’ve accused them of keeping the populace scared for ratings.

For Obedience.

And to continue their master’s mental enslavement of the masses.

Not this time, though.

No.

Oh no.

This time, the media was spot on.

See, they told you the drones were coming.

They told you that the drones were coming for you.

They told you to fear the drones, and to fear them with every fiber of your being.

And you know what?

They were right.

See, I got mine.

They used to be called “RC helicopters”.

Or

Continue reading Say Hello to My Little Friend

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Fucken Sign

Panhandlers at the Convention Center

Twenty somethings with cardboard signs.

We have an awful lot of them.

Some of the signs are sad.  Some of the signs are funny.  Some of the signs are creative.

All of the signs offer help and assistance to passersby for absolutely nothing.  Be it food, monetary assistance, or just a sympathetic ear, these young, able-bodied individuals want nothing more than to do a good deed for their fellow man, and the offers of help are made on the homemade signs they work so tirelessly to design.

Just kidding, the signs ask for money.  Yes, all of them.  Every last

Continue reading Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Fucken Sign