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Happy Thanksgiving!

Turkey Fucker

I thought this video was appropriate for the occasion.

God Bless Us Everyone.

Fuck You Dave

Dave Grohl Hates the Working Class

Hey Dave, thanks a lot.

Thanks for selling tickets to a surprise show at 3pm on a workday.

As a 45 year-old dude with a lot of non-famous friends, one would think you’d be wise to the realities of the post-great-recession American man.  You know, those tragically unhip hate-targets who bust their asses to support families, and probably represent far more of your fanbase than the current crop of staycation Seattleites, doggy daddies, trust funders, and perpetual students.

Despite this, they’re not even worthy of a fair shot at a couple of show tickets?

Really?

Well, alright then. I guess

Continue reading Fuck You Dave

Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade

Protesting Outside US Courthouse

They’re bored as hell, and they’re not going to take it any more!

Believe it or not, I had to work today.

Yes, yes, I know, I know, working is sooooo proletariat, and therefore so un-nuevo-Seattle, but somebody’s gotta do it.  If the economy collapses, the trust fund checks stop, and then the outraged class will really have something to complain about.

As I made my way back to the office from lunch, I got caught in the trust-fund social event as it made its way from Westlake Park to the U.S. Courthouse.

Folks, do you know what an organized,

Continue reading Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade

Showtime!

Cops

Affluent suburbanites have had a rough year.  As the Trayvon Martin case becomes smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror, affluent white people have been in a quandary over what to do next.  They need another P.C. diversion to maintain the status quo.

Political Correctness was invented to make affluent whites feel better about themselves for the white flight thing, without having to actually DO anything. It also served to take national attention away from the real primary bigotry in this country, which is classism.

As the gap between rich and poor grows ever wider, the racial bees nest is

Continue reading Showtime!

Everybody Reads Seattle Rex

Masala Grill and Bar - Sign Fixed

Proud to Be an Amarican

Masala Grill and Bar on Pike Street

Meet Pike Street’s newest grill.  And bar.

Masala Grill & Bar will soon open at Pike & 9th, and they promise to offer a cuisine few people have sampled.

I was going to speculate about how their new sign could have been made without anyone … without a single person … catching the obvious misspelling of our country’s name.

For once, however, I have nothing.

 

Same Difference

Dog and Kid in Their Respective Daycares

Doggie Daycare.

Kiddie Daycare.

Same street, same day, one block apart, one blink and you can’t tell which is which.

The fate of kids and canines look remarkably similar these days.  Both species wistfully gaze out of the street-level glass cages in which they are dropped off each morning, eagerly awaiting the return of the human who calls itself “mommy” or “daddy”.

It begs the question … have we begun treating dogs like kids, or kids like dogs?

“What’s the difference?”, most Generation Y’ers would ask, and that’s where scenes like those above start making perfect sense.

When an entire generation equates pet

Continue reading Same Difference

That Quirky Portland

Portland is Now

Portland.   A place so pretentious, that people come to Seattle for authenticity.

Portland used to be cool.  Then, as the wage gap widened over the past decade, the offspring of the wealthy moved in, kicked the cool out, and before you knew it, the town was flooded with vinegar and water.

Now, you can’t walk down a Portland street without being beaten over the head by manufactured quirkiness.

“Look everyone, that guy is riding a unicycle, isn’t he quirky?”

“Look everyone, that girl has a donut-sized ear piercing, isn’t she quirky?”

Call me crazy, but Portland was way more quirky

Continue reading That Quirky Portland

Six People Who Wish They Read Seattle Rex

HOV Violators

So, like, the HOV motorcycle cop is there every morning now, and every morning, he catches a metric assload of HOV violators. He nabbed six at one time this morning (pictured above).

“But how could this be?”, you ask, “You already warned us about this cop.”

Well, Believe it or not, there are a few dozen people in the Seattle area who don’t read Seattle Rex.

And they are paying very dearly for their stupidity.

Unlike you.

If you run across one of these people, feel free to ridicule them. They deserve it.

Continue reading Six People Who Wish They Read Seattle Rex

Monorail Shots

Monorail and Westin Towers

I took a few monorail shots this weekend.  Some of them are on this page.  Some of them aren’t.  Here are the ones that are.

Trains are buses for white people.

Monorails are trains for tourists.

Cutting right through the heart of Belltown and Midtown, as tourist’s trains go, Seattle’s is by far the coolest in the world.

At $2.25 each way, with no round-trip discount, it’s also the most profitable.

 

Continue reading Monorail Shots

Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

8th and Pine Hilton Lights

Hilton’s latest property has been illuminated on the corner of 8th & Pine.

I don’t want to say that it looks out of place, but, well, judge for yourself.  Keep in mind that this is the bottom few floors of a 500′-ish, 40+ floor tower.

Honestly, it doesn’t look bad … I’ve walked past it the past few evenings, and it’s growing on me. Dare I say, it even looks pretty cool.  Located across the street from the historic Paramount Theater, however, it just looks out of place.

The price of progress I guess.

Continue reading Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014

Rex1410-0693-Halloween_Capitol_Hill_2014--©SeattleRex

I’m happy to report that the First Annual Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night was a rousing success.  It was so successful, in fact, that the organizers have decided to host a Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night each and every year, at the same exact place, 3928 1st Avenue S, Seattle WA 98134.

To those of you arriving by search engine over the next 12 months, let me ask you a question … don’t these pictures look fun?

Of course they look fun!  Fun is what Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night is all about.

If you missed SSHFN this year, you have a good excuse.

Continue reading Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014

Dear Sweet Leaping Mother of Jesus the Jew

Fuck! What The Fuck? What the Bloody Fuck?

What the?

What the fuck did I just see?

What the fuck did I just see?

What the fuck did I just see?

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck was that supposed to be?

Why?

Why?

Who?

Why?

What the fuck was that?

It was like, a 3-headed gila monster or something.

It was like some three-headed creature from the depths of hell. It had three heads, and they were all weird. Like, bad-acid-at-work weird.  Like getting a random erection while watching Pokemon weird.  Like, stoned and suddenly having to poop, but

Continue reading Dear Sweet Leaping Mother of Jesus the Jew

Yeah Right

Lesbian Ben Bridge Commercial 2

So, a friend of mine was watching Hulu about an hour ago, when a commercial for Ben Bridge Jeweler came on.

“That’s weird”, she thought,” why is a mother giving jewelry to her adult daughter … no wait, that’s two sisters … no wait … ohhhhhhh … I see … they’re domestic partners … I mean husband and wife … I mean wife and wife … fuck it, they’re muff divers.  At least they’re supposed to be in the commercial.”

Ah yes, let the exploitation of gay marriage commence.

You know, it’s interesting, in 2008, Barack Obama came out opposed to

Continue reading Yeah Right

Washington Initiative 594: A Rare Win for the Wealthy

You Won I-594

Well, you won.

It won.

Initiative 594, the one that requires mostly-proletariat gun owners to register with the ruling-class. With overwhelming support coming from our wealthiest, most highly-educated districts, passed in the State of Washington 60% to 40%.

Nearly all rich Washingtonians voted in favor, but why did so many out-of-state multi-millionaires support Washington Bill I-594, though?  Didn’t they spend an awful lot of money to influence legislation in a state they don’t even live in?  Why would they do such a thing?

Do they really just care that much about the safety of the common man?

The answer, is

Continue reading Washington Initiative 594: A Rare Win for the Wealthy

Shooting Fish in a Barrell

HOV Lane Violator

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Seattle could easily be the richest city in the world.  Since everyone more or less agrees that we have the world’s worst drivers, and since they’re not leaving anytime soon, all we’d ever need revenue-wise, is to ticket said shitty drivers.

It would be like printing money.

Let me say that again.

IT WOULD LITERALLY BE LIKE PRINTING MONEY!

Well, somebody in City Hall must have heard me, because for the past week, local law enforcement agencies have been on a mission.   Everywhere I look, cops are pulling

Continue reading Shooting Fish in a Barrell

Get Your Hoe Ready

Daylight Savings Hoe

 

Yes, it’s that time of year again.

The time of year when a man grabs his hoe, throws ‘er over his shoulder, heads outside, and repeatedly slams that hoe into the ground for the betterment of his family and indeed, society.

Wait, oh, Daylight Savings Time just ended.

Never mind.

Don’t touch your hoe for the next 4 months, but then … well … you know the drill.

Breakin’, Boogaloo Shrimp, White People, and Hip-Hop History at EMP

Boogaloo Shrimp at EMP

From a musical perspective, I’ve lived through interesting times.  Although I was but a child during some of them, I’ve been alive to witness the birth, or early years at the very least, of such diverse genres as heavy metal, progressive rock, funk, glam, disco, punk, hardcore punk, hip-hop, new wave, electronic, house, dubstep, trip-hop, noise/grunge/alternative, and whatever the fuck the last 15 years have given us (shit?).

I’ve witnessed the rise of a few of these genres first-hand, most notably hip-hop, hardcore punk, alt/”grunge”, and a regional music genre known as “Go-Go”.  The latter is a genre which

Continue reading Breakin’, Boogaloo Shrimp, White People, and Hip-Hop History at EMP

Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Halloween on Capitol Hill

Kids of all ages stay for free @ 3928 1ST AVENUE S, SEATTLE WA 98134

You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.

Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.

Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.

Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.

Happy?

Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason

Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs

Apple Logo

I received this comment earlier today:

You may be interested to know that a class-action is being brought against Apple for faulting GPU’s (again) in the 2011 15 & 17 inch models. Just Google it, we’re highly visible.

The URL provided was: http://action.mbp2011.com

Now, I can’t verify that this is indeed a lawsuit in the works. I only see a link to a petition, not a lawsuit. That said, if only because I really hope it’s true, a lawsuit could still be in the beginning stages. Vet this one if you’re interested.

Update: The comment below says it all.

MBP2011

Continue reading Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs

A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

Quirky White Girl

What is that?

That …

That thing over there …

See it?  Do you see it?

Right there, that thing in the water …

It’s a white woman on a surf board striking some strange look-at-me-no-don’t-look-at-me-you-creep-no-really-look-at-me pose …

Wait … is it, could it be … oh my God, it is, I can’t believe my eyes …

It’s a quirky white girl!  In Seattle no less! IT’S A QUIRKY WHITE GIRL IN SEATTLE!  And I actually have my camera on me!  Can you believe my luck?!!

While this may not sound like a big deal, a little perspective in

Continue reading A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

You’re Welcome?

Can't Have Nice Things Screenshot

On June 10th, 2013, I posted the following:

http://www.seattlerex.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/

 

Since that time, graffiti has appeared all over Seattle with the following message:

Coincidence?

Maybe, but the timing of it all is a little odd.  There is an older cat meme with the phrase, but I can’t find another example in search engines using: “can’t have nice things” +graffiti .

Perhaps it’s the same kind of “coincidence” as the tourism bureau’s “Only in Seattle” campaign that was borne after I’d spent a month titling posts with that line, or the local news outrage over the new parking meter failures,

Continue reading You’re Welcome?

Club Z’s New Slogan

Club Z

“You won’t walk right for days. We guarantee it.”

Pictured here is another satisfied customer. If you know what I mean.

 

They Say The Neon Lights are Bright

Broadway Rite Aid

On Broad … way!

Most people think the song was written about New York City, but this is a myth.

It was actually written about Seattle, when George Benson played the Paramount Theater in 1978, and came down with a massive case of the squirts.

During his first performance, his sphincter gave way, and he ended up projectile shitting on a woman in the front row. Fearing that it might happen again, Benson made his way to the Rite Aid at Broadway & John for a bottle of Immodium AD.

The rest, as they say, is history*.

I took

Continue reading They Say The Neon Lights are Bright

Bitches Be Crazy

Crazy Woman

Women are to Seattle what cows are to India.

Sound weird? Offensive even?

I know it does. Hear me out, though.

On Thursday night, I ran a quick errand on foot, then walked east on Pike Street. I walked, as I have since childhood, on the right side of the sidewalk.

If you were an urban child from the USA, then this no doubt is what you learned to do as soon as you learned to walk. It’s what my own kids learned as soon as they learned to walk, along with: stand to the right side on escalators,

Continue reading Bitches Be Crazy

Sky City

Lunar Orbiter Ice Cream in the Space Needle Resturant

I’ve got this thing where I want to eat at every restaurant in Rexville Seattle (basically the extended boundaries of my neighborhood), regardless of cuisine, price, or quality.  I’ve been talking about doing this for years, which means I’ll never actually do it, but we all need goals.  Were it not for goals, I never would have snorted an eight of meth in an Aurora Avenue motel room while being blown by an ambiguously gendered prostitute.  Setting the goal is always the first step toward completion.

 

In furtherance of said goal, last night, I chose the Space

Continue reading Sky City

How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Gourmet Caramel Apple

I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.

You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off.  It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time.  Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction.  I mean, why help someone else’s economy

Continue reading How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Sunday Morning Cartoons

Diversity & Tolerance

 

 

Continue reading Sunday Morning Cartoons

Amazon Moves Up

Amazon Tower Under Construction

Dominating the view down Westlake Avenue, Amazon’s new tower looks like it’s going to be quite a beast.

What a difference a year makes (September 2013):

The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

Passive-Aggressive Love

Ahhh, young newcomer love.  Our vandal here is so new to the city, that he/she has yet to realize that, once she feels inclined to do something else, Laura has no intention of “saying” anything.  That’s much too confrontational, not to mention, scary, what with mom back home in Twin Falls and all.

Better learn to take the hint, because a hint is all you’re ever going to get.  That’s what happens when you grow up having “playdates”, where every interaction with other people is governed by the watchful eye of a parental unit.  When it was time to go, the departure was

Continue reading The Passive-Aggressive Vandal