Today, somewhere, an affluent white woman was told that she could increase her personal safety on the streets by dressing subtly and not drawing attention to herself.
Today, somewhere, a college campus erupted in protest at the mere thought of affluent white women not being able to wear short skirts, on a ghetto street, at 2am, without repercussion.
Today, somewhere, 22 military veterans will take their own lives.
Just as they did yesterday.
Just as they will do tomorrow.
Just as they do everyday.
Today, in Seattle, no one really cared. About the suicides, that is, we
Continue reading A Quick Thought for Memorial Day
So, I already know that this will be the most visited post of 2015. The internet is just that predictable.
It won’t be disappointed either. Not when it sees that I delivered the goods once again.
See, a member of my family desperately wanted a cat, a kitten to be more specific, and after much searching, I found one, and I rescued it.
That’s right, after ascertaining the address of the cat I wished to procure, I arrived at the kitten’s former home, and what I saw was horrifying.
Flames. The house was engulfed in them, and smoke was
Continue reading Pussy Pictures
For the love of God, will somebody please give the bourgeoise something to do. They’re bored out of their skulls, and you know what that means.
That’s right, they’re going to fuck some shit up, while pretending to do the exact opposite, and later on when it comes time to pay for the damages, they’re going to throw the proletariat under the bus.
What are the posers doing this time?
Well … dear God, I almost can’t bring myself to type this. I mean, there’s selfish, and then there’s “I’ll kill the planet and everyone on it
Continue reading ShellNo Shame
Actual, verbatim lyrics to “Rude Boy” by Rihanna:
I wa-wa-want What you wa-wa-want Give it to me baby Like boom, boom, boom What I wa-wa-want Is what you wa-wa-want Na, na-ah
A couple of years ago, I published a cartoon titled “Caleb Calls Home” that not everyone understood. If after this post you still don’t understand, then I have only one thing to say to you:
The first two photos on this page are of a man I encountered while walking Downtown on Pike Street. At first I thought he was homeless, but when I got closer, I realized he was just a member of our new transplant demographic. Those whose interactions with others have only occurred within the context of a “playdate”, and those who have
Continue reading MEattle. It Is What It Is.
We all know how hard it can be to suppress a reaction when confronted with the unintended consequences of the spandex fad.
As far as I’m concerned, whoever started said fad is on the hook for replacement corneas for every man, woman, and child that lives within the Seattle city limits.
In this woman’s case, that person is on the hook for a completely new set of eyeballs. It appears that hers completely disintegrated.
Sorry, ma’am, you should have been warned.
As for the rest of you, consider this your warning.
The spandex fad is still alive in Seattle. Avoid the
Continue reading My Sentiments Exactly
Located directly across 8th from the Paramount Theater, ‘Premiere on Pine’ is a brand-spanking new residential tower in midtown Seattle. It is a tower that I personally watched being built, from the basement to the roof. Here is a picture I took of the lot before the building was even a twinkle in some wealthy developer’s eye (June 2011):
Mural at 9th & Pine
Premiere on Pine is the building that took several pages from the Planet Hollywood School of Architecture, and decorated the outside of the lower floors with unusual neon lights which act as sort of
Continue reading View from the Top of ‘Premiere on Pine’
The last article maybe wasn’t exactly the last Amazon update for awhile. It was close, though. I just found something out, so bear with me …
So, when Amazon cancelled my order, I figured it was a ploy to reneg on my compensation. After all, I’d already conceded to wait, how hard would it have been to stick my order in another box and ship it back out? Or just let the order that was on its way, continue? Just why, exactly, did I need to start over from square one, and take time out of my day to
Continue reading Amazon Metes Out Corporate Punishment
KinderCare with Barricades
What you see above, is concrete barriers outside of a KinderCare in Midtown Seattle.
A few months ago, an automobile failed to stop, and it plowed right through the plate glass windows. Fortunately it was after-hours and no one was injured (except the car occupants), but had it happened earlier in the day, several children would, without any doubt, be dead.
KinderCare – Boarding Windows
For months, the childcare business had boards on the windows, but they recently got them replaced. Then, they placed concrete barriers in front of the daycare to prevent the kids
Continue reading Concrete Barriers Necessary: Only in Seattle
That’s the current front page of the CNN website.
Are they serious?
Can they be serious?
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. I had tears streaming down my face. TEARS!
The N-word, the R-word, the G-word, the T-word, congratulations you’re all in preschool again, censored where you stand.
Since the beginning of human habitation, the elite have tried to control the speech of their inferiors.
Because they knew then what we know now.
If you can figure out how to control speech, thought soon follows.
More recently, the ruling-class has found an even
Continue reading Tears
So, I got Amazon’s answer to my homeless challenge.
It was ‘no’.
Damn. I thought I had a chance. They’d prefer to fight me in court than help the homeless. Even a tiny, minuscule amount. And of course, that’s their prerogative. That’s also what I was afraid of.
You always hope that when a company sees that you won’t back down, they’ll let up on you. That’s why you have to be confident and a tad bit aggressive. Sure, it’s a bit of a bluff, but bluffing is all you have against a company that large. You have to
Continue reading Last Amazon Update for Awhile
Amazon, You hate me. Fine. I get it.
How about this?
$125 to the homeless of Seattle? The cost of only ONE of my orders. NOT a homeless charity, mind you, too many of those are scams and you can’t write this off. It’s too small. $125 to homeless people. Human beings.
No conditions about how they spend it, either.
Just because they’re homeless, it doesn’t mean that they’re children. They don’t need silver-spoon elitists fucks to make sure they spend it “on the right things”. Just as many suburban white people piss away their money on stupid shit as
Continue reading Amazon: Final Offer … $125 to the Homeless
After ignoring my emails all day yesterday, Amazon finally agreed to make my order good this morning.
Since my deadline for the gift orders were actually tomorrow, they told me to re-place the order with overnight shipping, send them the order number, and they would credit me for the shipping.
I went back to the website to do exactly that, except oh no, what’s this, there was no overnight shipping available for my order.
I replied to the service agent to explain this development, and ….
“Wait, are you saying that after all you went through, they
Continue reading Amazon Takes One Last Shot at Me
“We’re sorry for this inappropriate user-created content; we’re working to remove it quickly. We also learn from these issues, and we’re constantly improving how we detect, prevent and handle bad edits.”, said a Google PR person.
Then, she slowly removed the stick from her ass, careful not to rupture anything, looked around, blinked twice, then followed with, “But seriously though, Apple sucks and I save their press releases at home to wipe my ass on.”
What did you say to my bitch? What did you say to my bitch?
I told her to lose the zero and get with a hero, what, you wearin’ your jumbo-sized Neuticals today?
No, I left my jumbo-sized Neuticals at your mother’s doghouse, motherfucker.
O …. K … we’ll just stay over here until you guys are finished and … no, no, take your time, no rush, my owner works until 7pm, it’s all good, go ahead and finish him off.
P.S. Neuticals are artificial balls.
Continue reading Trouble at Doggy Daycare
• I placed an order and paid extra for, and I quote, “Guaranteed Two-Day Shipping”. (I’ve never had anything arrive in 2 days from Amazon via second day shipping, but I guess I’m an optimist. Plus I got tired of waiting two weeks for deliveries, a time artificially extended to extract $99 more from customers.)
• 3 days later, it had not arrived as usual, so I contacted Amazon. After a couple of bad interactions, I also left negative feedback.
• “For my inconvenience”, Amazon apologized profusely and seemingly sincerely (they weren’t), and they agreed to compensate me. They gave me
Continue reading Suing Amazon
In some cities, it’s a sign that you’re in gang territory.
In others, it’s a place to buy drugs.
In Seattle, if you spot shoes hanging over a wire, you know with certainty that you’re in a neighborhood full of ex-suburban, white, recent-college-grads with beards and a fetish for authenticity, all of whom would run like their ass was on fire at the mere sight of an actual minority.
That’s right, homies, Sebastian’s turned stone-cold ghetto, and real ghetto niggaz don’t turn their shoes into Payless for proper disposal. Motherfucker. You know, unless they’ve flown home for spring break
Continue reading Watch Your Back, Fool
The city of Seattle will consider changing how it prioritizes incidents. Right now it follows a national model — life safety, property, then traffic. The city says it is considering prioritizing traffic over property.
Well what do you know … it’s already working.
Typical Seattle Driver
Don’t worry homocidal suburban drivers. The SPD still wuvs you.
See, drugs are bad for you, but having a 5,000lb steel bullet roll over your head is full of 8 essential vitamins and minerals!
Besides, laws are for poors and minorities.
Do your thing SPD! Make the city safe for gentrifiers worldwide! Take it from Ed Murray the Tiger, they’re GREAAAATTTTTTT!
SEATTLE – Seattle and federal law enforcement announced 95 arrests Thursday in a major crackdown on drug dealing and other crimes in the city’s downtown core.
Open air drug dealing has been an ongoing issue
Continue reading Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though
Who looks exactly the way that I look? Me! When I am reading, who’s holding the book? Me! When I want dinner, who always will feed me? Who’s always handy whenever I need me? Firm as a feather in all kinds of weather, Me, me, wonderful me!
-Official song of Seattle Tourists Worldwide
“Seattle Rex exaggerates.”
I know you think it. Frankly, I don’t blame you. I would think the same thing. I have some weird tales to tell at times. I see things that, frankly, are not very believable.
I’m aware that there’s a healthy amount of skepticism and disbelief
Continue reading Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle
On any given weekend night, I can be spotted on Capitol Hill, shoving Dick’s in my mouth, then sucking on the business end of a long cylinder until it erupts into my mouth with all of its creamy goodness.
Yes, Dick’s hamburgers and milkshakes are still quite good after all these years, not to mention, the source of exactly 27.82% of all juvenile penis jokes told within the Seattle City Limits.
Make that 27.83%.
There’s another reason I eat Dick’s, though. You see, I just happen to be a Swass motherfucker (see 3:24):
“I got a def posse,
Continue reading Eating Dick’s on Capitol Hill
I hope it was one HELL of a text message.
You know, I have to hand it to Mayor Ed Murray.
I’ve been giving the man hell for the past couple of weeks, but as it turns out, he has way more integrity than I had realized.
Today, Mr. Murray called a press conference to answer his critics, to call off his ill-conceived “Boycott” of Indiana, and what he said surprised even me.
“I was misguided, and I’m sorry”, Murray said, “My heart was in the right place, and I thought I was fighting the good fight, and supporting civil rights. After doing some soul searching over the past
Continue reading Thank You, Ed Murray
That run the asylum …
It’s been a rough decade. A recent study found that, in the last decade, Americans finally lost faith in every, single, solitary institution that they used to hold dear. Supposedly, the CDC and Secret Service were the final holdouts, but even they succumbed to reality over the past year.
Since I was young, I always strived to understand people. Those whom I agreed with, but even moreso, those whom I didn’t agree with. I always sought to understand, and even empathize, with those I was the most disgusted by. Even people who did horrible
Continue reading Understanding the Inmates
I sometimes look at the Space Needle and wonder … space? It’s 605 feet tall.
Now granted, I’m not 605 feet tall, I’m a little under, but still … space?
What is it supposed to be injecting into the 600′ level, I mean “space”, anyway?
Between you and me, I don’t think the Space Needle reaches all the way into space. I think it’s just some kind of marketing thing. Extreme Lower Troposphere Needle just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
I still like the building, but a little truth in advertising is in order, don’t you think?
Continue reading The Lower Troposphere Observation Tower
Seattle Mayor Ed Murray on Saturday announced his decision to prohibit the use of city funds for travel by all city employees on city business to the State of Indiana after the passage of S.B. 101.
The new law, which was signed by Governor Pence on Thursday, has the potential to legalize discrimination against LGBT people and others based on religious beliefs, a press release from Murray said.
“Seattleites know that discrimination has no place in our City – that’s just equality ‘101’,” said Ed Murray.
More than a dozen states this year are considering measures aimed at preventing
Continue reading I Apologize
Amanda Knox has finally cast off the shackles of her oppressors, and she’s proven to the world that a rich white woman with a highly-paid PR firm behind her, and ties to rich Democratic politicians, can still be treated fairly in our cruel, cruel society.
She suffered for the sins of affluent white girls everywhere, and with a little help from some rich and powerful people, she emerged victorious.
It’s your classic underdog story.
A woman is accused of murder; uses Page 1 from the White Girl Murderer playbook and blames a black guy; is convicted; is un-convicted
Continue reading The Crucifixion and Martyrdom of Amanda Knox