It is what it is.
From Pike Place Market to 15th Avenue, I’ve probably logged more hours on Pike Street in the last decade than any other street in the world. My entire family knows every crack, dip, and imperfection along the entire stretch of Pike’s sidewalk, both sides.
This being the case, I’ve also probably made more pictures of Pike Street than any other street in the world.
This is one of them.
Once upon a time, I had this friend named Andy Steiner. Andy was a nice guy who was known around Las Vegas for driving a purple-colored Jeep that he nicknamed, shit, I don’t remember, but that monstrosity definitely had a name.
Andy was an unusual guy who moved to Las Vegas years ago to capture what he could of the American Dream.
He was also one of the friendliest, most genuine dudes I’ve ever met, and if he had a mean or selfish bone in his body, I sure didn’t see it. That said, as a former cameraman in the adult
Continue reading Goodbye Andy
Back in the day, I played basketball, and in those days, I said this line at least 1,000 times … especially when an insult was cast in my direction.
Today, I stumbled upon what I consider to be my favorite commercial of all time. No, really, Taylor, imma let you finish, but this is the greatest commercial of all time! Of all time!
It’s a commercial which could be applied to so many facets of American life … but let’s face it, the industry will never touch 90% of them.
Anyway, without further ado …
A generation of people who are too selfish to have children … who are admittedly “too selfish” to acquiesce to a biological norm which has been a primary driver of all animal behavior since the beginning of time … cares very, very, very deeply about the ecological health of the planet that your grandchildren will inherit.
That’s right, victims of a widespread narcissism epidemic, who are completely and utterly self-centered in all ways, make an exception to that self-centeredness when it comes to the water levels of the earth long after they are dead and buried.
They care so much, that
Continue reading Ruh Roh There’s Climate Trouble Brewing
$6.7 million per year.
Six million seven hundred thousand dollars per year, to tell some other guy to run the ball into the end zone from 18 inches away.
And you can’t even do that.
You can’t even fucking do that!
You suck, 12th Man, you suck like a black hole.
See, this is what happens when I try to fucking get into anything. I figured “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”, so I watched the game from beginning to end, and this was the result?
Was the result?
This is what your 12th shit is all
Continue reading The 12th Man Blows It
Said one local seagull as he passed over a Washington State Ferry.
See, this, is a seahawk:
Handsome bird, no doubt, and probably fairly adept at hunting as well.
This, however, is what is ubiquitous in Seattle, outnumbering humans by about 2:1
This, you see, is a “Seagull” or a “Rollin’ 60’s Crip” if you happen to be a pigeon.
What it is not, is a seahawk. I’ve never seen a seahawk within the city limits of Seattle. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one, period. Thus, our local corporate sports team name is a not an entirely
Continue reading I Got Your “Seahawks” Right Here
It’s no great secret that Seattle is a city with a law enforcement problem. I’ve never seen a city whose residents hold such a universally negative opinion of their police force, and I’m including both New York City and Los Angeles in this statement.
I can’t speak to the opinions of citizens in the less-dense areas of Seattle (Crown Hill, Sand Point, etc), but here in the Pike-Pine/Downtown/First Hill/Capitol Hill environs, there is a definite “us versus them” sentiment that seems to be quite pervasive.
While it’s easy to chalk this dichotomy up to some kind of hippie/liberal anti-cop
Continue reading The SPD vs. Seattle
Do you ever wonder why we have holidays celebrating white voilence … Independence Day, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day … while we only have holidays celebrating black passiveness?
Why is it noble for white people to take up arms against the king, to take up arms against leaders that we don’t like … while black uprisings are supposed to be non-violent?
Why, when you ask every suburban white person, who their hero is, does Martin Luther King come rolling off of their tongue before any other name?
Well, in case you don’t know, you certainly should know. Especially on the
Continue reading The Reason You Celebrate Martin Luther King
Well, it was a hard-fought game, and at times, I didn’t think I was going to pull it off, but guess what?
I totally beat the (fudge) Packers!
Me and the team, we totally kicked ass today, and low-and-behold, we’re going to the Super Bowl! Again!
DAMN I’M GOOD!!!
As I sit here now, people are yelling in the streets below. One man in particularly is repeatedly shouting “D” to the top of his lungs.
Apparently, my defense was spectacular today. It’s a great source of pride for myself and my family.
You know, while all of this
Continue reading I’m Going to the Super Bowl! Again!
I sit here, indoors, while outside, Seattle is being pounded by a Pineapple Express.
In January, Pineapple Expresses are fairly typical in these parts, but outside of Washington, Oregon, and British Columbia, few people have heard the term (with the exception of the movie, of course).
This being the case, allow me to illustrate just what a Pineapple Express is, which I’ve taken the liberty of drawing on top of this morning’s weather map.
Stay dry fellow citizens of New California.
While I’m not a huge football fan these days, when I was a kid in Washington DC, I used to like the Redskins, or as we called them (especially when they lost), the Foreskins.
So, it was with some sadness that I periodically read about the team’s name being made an issue of by the six-digit-education-having haters of working-class entertainment.
Today, I happened to be doing some work in the shell, and after I typed a short command, something occurred to me:
bash:~# echo $OSTYPE darwin14
Ah, yes, Darwin … good old
Continue reading Now You Do What They Told Ya
I don’t surf the web much anymore. After a promising start, Gen X passed the digital torch to Gen Y, who then proceeded to remove their pants, touch their toes, and walk briskly backward into every corporate dick they could find.
Now, all websites start with the same question in mind: “How can we monetize this?”
In every case, the answer is the same: “Place corporate phallus in anus.”
And so they do.
You can’t make money being sincere or telling the truth. It’s simply not possible. So nobody does. Instead, you have to cater to the deluded mainstream.
Continue reading The World’s Greatest Website
“Oh no!”, I said as I stood across Pike Street from The Comet, “please tell me I don’t see what I think I see. Please tell me they didn’t get one of those cornball ‘we won’t tolerate intolerance’ signs.”
Oh, Comet …. Et tu?
You couldn’t resist?
You had to succumb to hatred and intolerance, simply because it was the path of least resistance?
We live in a time where people are being ostracized, where people are losing their livelihoods, where people are being actively oppressed for expressing sentiment contrary to
Continue reading The Cowardly Comet
When affluent white people feel guilty about something, they lash out at everyone else.
The streets are packed with c02-spewing cars. The airports are packed with travelers, waiting to board fuel-guzzling aircraft. Almost everyone on the Seattle City Council owns a car.
To soothe their collective consciences, affluent white people pass “ecological laws” intended for poor whites and minorities to obey, then they pat themselves on the back, bask in their collective goodness, then go about shitting all over the planet like they’ve been doing for decades.
For instance, I made an impromptu stop at a grocery store last year,
Continue reading White Trash
I mostly shoot on what I call “Aperture and Shutter Priority Mode”, which is basically Manual Mode with Auto-ISO turned on. Occasionally, however, I sometimes go into full Manual Mode, and forget to turn Auto-ISO back on when I’m finished.
Such a thing happened on New Year’s Day, when I tried to get the Space Needle and the moon, plus an airplane, into the same shot. I reeled off 7 shots, and when I went to review them, I realized that I’d shot them all in full-on darkness at ISO 100.
I tried to correct my settings, but
Continue reading Almost a Decent Shot
You know, I actually think this is a really nice idea. Heck, I may even do it myself.
That said, if I do, I will be sure to specify not to do it during a weekday morning, because they actually have to stop the ferry for about 5 minutes while hundreds of impatient passengers look on.
By the way, who knew they made big seashell things for just this porpoise?
Eh? Eh? Just this porpoise, get it?
Float in peace whoever you were.
Continue reading Man Overboard!
Alright, they aren’t exactly “new”. Nordstrom’s new lights have been up for about a month, but I’ve been busy saving the world from poorly-written code (and doing a not-so-swell job of it in the larger scheme), and I’m just now getting around to some of my older pictures.
Nordstrom (or “Nordies” as my friend Chuck calls it) got stone-cold festive this year, and … well … see for yourself.
I actually like the new lights.
Hopefully, they’ll be an annual thing.
Kind of like plowing your mother under the mistletoe after she’s had twelve too many eggnogs.
Continue reading Nordstrom’s New Clothes
I took these photos on Friday evening, and while “developing” them today, I noticed something odd.
Now, it may be the weird mushroom I found in my omelette this morning, but I see a face in the photo below. It looks kind of like a chimpanzee with a big nose, or perhaps an ancient Aztec warrior made of stone … or maybe … just maybe … if you tilt your head just right … Sticky Fingaz from Onyx.
Frankly, I don’t know who/what it is, or what it may want, but I do know one thing, and that’s how to
Continue reading The Man in the Space Needle Reflection
It’s been said, often by me personally, that the TV show “Friends” killed the American city.
Decades of white flight left inner-urban areas relatively diverse and downright affordable. Then, ‘Friends’ gained an audience, and before you knew it, there was a coffee shop on every street corner, and every other rental ad touted its proximity to nearby coffee shops, if it didn’t simply mention the TV show by name. I actually saw scores of ads that looked something like this:
“3br, 2ba, close to nightlife & coffee shops. Great for roommates. It’s just like Friends!”
For the urban working-class,
Continue reading Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?
Oh no, my friends.
What you are looking at is not a Pussy Destroyer.
What you currently have fixated within your gaze …
Is a Pussy Obliterator.
Once those fine-ass threads hit the floor, it’s all over.
Boom, bap, poof, it’s gone.
“Where’d my baby-maker go?”, you’ll wonder, but it will be too late. All that will be left for you to do, is pick up the phone, call your mother, and say “Sorry, Mom, but you’ll never be a grandmother like I promised … I’ve been the victim of the Pussy Obliterator”.
You have been warned.
Continue reading Pussy Destroyer?
When Robert Plant wrote the song “Whole Lotta Love” in 1969, where he sang:
“I’m gonna give you every inch of my love”
What people didn’t realize then, but what musical historians have since uncovered through numerous interviews, as well as linguistic research, is that what Robert was referring to was, in fact, his penis.
Coming up: Seattle Rex takes you back to 1977 and the Kiss classic “Love Gun”, where he reveals the surprising details behind its true meaning.
Continue reading Little-Known Music Fact
How small must his heart be to steal power from Christmas lights?
That’s right, homelice here was out of power for his phone/mp3 player, so he stopped to charge it from an outlet on the Christmas lights.
Is nothing sacred?
Does the spirit of Christmas mean nothing any more?
We’re supposed to be giving this time of year, not taking, yet here this guy is, taking power away from the people. That money could be used to buy enemas for baby kittens or some shit, but does he care?
Not at all.
Fine, we’re talking pennies in power here,
Continue reading Power From the People
Good grief, that’s expensive! How much are we paying these cops anyway???!!!!! Has anyone looked into the payroll over at SPD Headquarters???
Until they do, I wish you assholes would stop protesting because this shit is getting way to expen ….
Face it, Seattle. Protests or no protests, we’re getting fleeced by the SPD, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.
It begs the question …
What’s more expensive?
Occupied police officers, or idle police officers?
As much as I’ve been critical of the Ferguson
Continue reading Know What Else Is Expensive?
Last year, a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is a single mother who is now in medical debt up to her eyeballs.
How could this happen, though? How could a young woman with breast cancer be so in debt? I mean, with so many people across this country walking, running, shitting in a bucket, and buying pink ribbons for breast cancer … how on earth could she be buried this deeply in medical bills?
As it turns out, this happens because breast cancer charities don’t really help anyone. Instead, the “charities” are marketing and advertising firms
Continue reading Give Til it Hurts Everyone
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