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Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Halloween on Capitol Hill

Kids of all ages stay for free @ 3928 1ST AVENUE S, SEATTLE WA 98134

You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.

Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.

Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.

Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.

Happy?

Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason

Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs

Apple Logo

I received this comment earlier today:

You may be interested to know that a class-action is being brought against Apple for faulting GPU’s (again) in the 2011 15 & 17 inch models. Just Google it, we’re highly visible.

The URL provided was: http://action.mbp2011.com

Now, I can’t verify that this is indeed a lawsuit in the works. I only see a link to a petition, not a lawsuit. That said, if only because I really hope it’s true, a lawsuit could still be in the beginning stages. Vet this one if you’re interested.

Even though I am on the side of

Continue reading Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs

A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

Quirky White Girl

What is that?

That …

That thing over there …

See it?  Do you see it?

Right there, that thing in the water …

It’s a white woman on a surf board striking some strange look-at-me-no-don’t-look-at-me-you-creep-no-really-look-at-me pose …

Wait … is it, could it be … oh my God, it is, I can’t believe my eyes …

It’s a quirky white girl!  In Seattle no less! IT’S A QUIRKY WHITE GIRL IN SEATTLE!  And I actually have my camera on me!  Can you believe my luck?!!

While this may not sound like a big deal, a little perspective in

Continue reading A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

You’re Welcome?

Can't Have Nice Things Screenshot

On June 10th, 2013, I posted the following:

http://www.seattlerex.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/

 

Since that time, graffiti has appeared all over Seattle with the following message:

Coincidence?

Maybe, but the timing of it all is a little odd.  There is an older cat meme with the phrase, but I can’t find another example in search engines using: “can’t have nice things” +graffiti .

Perhaps it’s the same kind of “coincidence” as the tourism bureau’s “Only in Seattle” campaign that was borne after I’d spent a month titling posts with that line, or the local news outrage over the new parking meter failures,

Continue reading You’re Welcome?

Club Z’s New Slogan

Club Z

“You won’t walk right for days. We guarantee it.”

Pictured here is another satisfied customer. If you know what I mean.

 

They Say The Neon Lights are Bright

Broadway Rite Aid

On Broad … way!

Most people think the song was written about New York City, but this is a myth.

It was actually written about Seattle, when George Benson played the Paramount Theater in 1978, and came down with a massive case of the squirts.

During his first performance, his sphincter gave way, and he ended up projectile shitting on a woman in the front row. Fearing that it might happen again, Benson made his way to the Rite Aid at Broadway & John for a bottle of Immodium AD.

The rest, as they say, is history*.

I took

Continue reading They Say The Neon Lights are Bright

Bitches Be Crazy

Crazy Woman

Women are to Seattle what cows are to India.

Sound weird? Offensive even?

I know it does. Hear me out, though.

On Thursday night, I ran a quick errand on foot, then walked east on Pike Street. I walked, as I have since childhood, on the right side of the sidewalk.

If you were an urban child from the USA, then this no doubt is what you learned to do as soon as you learned to walk. It’s what my own kids learned as soon as they learned to walk, along with: stand to the right side on escalators,

Continue reading Bitches Be Crazy

Sky City

Lunar Orbiter Ice Cream in the Space Needle Resturant

I’ve got this thing where I want to eat at every restaurant in Rexville Seattle (basically the extended boundaries of my neighborhood), regardless of cuisine, price, or quality.  I’ve been talking about doing this for years, which means I’ll never actually do it, but we all need goals.  Were it not for goals, I never would have snorted an eight of meth in an Aurora Avenue motel room while being blown by an ambiguously gendered prostitute.  Setting the goal is always the first step toward completion.

 

In furtherance of said goal, last night, I chose the Space

Continue reading Sky City

How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Gourmet Caramel Apple

I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.

You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off.  It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time.  Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction.  I mean, why help someone else’s economy

Continue reading How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Sunday Morning Cartoons

Diversity & Tolerance

 

 

Continue reading Sunday Morning Cartoons

Amazon Moves Up

Amazon Tower Under Construction

Dominating the view down Westlake Avenue, Amazon’s new tower looks like it’s going to be quite a beast.

What a difference a year makes (September 2013):

The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

Passive-Aggressive Love

Ahhh, young newcomer love.  Our vandal here is so new to the city, that he/she has yet to realize that, once she feels inclined to do something else, Laura has no intention of “saying” anything.  That’s much too confrontational, not to mention, scary, what with mom back home in Twin Falls and all.

Better learn to take the hint, because a hint is all you’re ever going to get.  That’s what happens when you grow up having “playdates”, where every interaction with other people is governed by the watchful eye of a parental unit.  When it was time to go, the departure was

Continue reading The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw

Seattle Customer Service

I was almost brought to tears of laughter reading this one. Almost.

I present the following article for your reading pleasure, straight from Blabbermouth @ http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/tom-morello-slams-seattle-restaurant-after-being-denied-service/

It seems that Tom Morello, RATM and Audioslave guitarist admired and respected by damn near everyone (including yours truly), dropped by the 5 Point Cafe last Friday night, and encountered our world-renowned Seattle service.

Apparently, he and his friends tried to get a table, and apparently, the bouncer turned them away.  The manner in which this all happened is your traditional he-said, she-said, and this being 2014, it all played out on anti-social media.

Tom

Continue reading The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw

Nuclear Sunset

Nuclear Sunset

“What the fuck is that?” is not my usual refrain when I look out the window during sunset, but on this day it made sense.

At first, I thought Bainbridge Island had been nuked, but then I realized that nuking Bainbridge Island would actually improve the place, so why would anyone waste a nuclear warhead on it?

Am I right or am I right?

As it turned out, it was just a weird optical illusion caused by the clouds, the sun, and a metric assload of pollution caused by famously “green” Washingtonians.

“Everyone else but me is using too

Continue reading Nuclear Sunset

Walking Papers

Walking Papers at the Crocodile Cafe on September 19 2014

I just stumbled onto my phone shots from the Walking Papers gig at the Croc last Friday.

Hell of a band.  If you have the chance to see them, I recommend doing so.  Opening band “The Mothership” was pretty badass too.

Continue reading Walking Papers

Hating the Alien

Bauhaus Block Construction

I passed the Bauhaus block today, and while passing by, I couldn’t help but note the irony.

Newcomers move to Capitol Hill because of places like Bauhaus.  Yet, by moving here, they dramatically increase the odds of places like Bauhaus going away.  This part of the city has officially reached a point where, in order to absorb more people, existing things have to be traded away.

It’s easy to sort of dismiss anti-growth neighborhood residents as misguided curmudgeons, but there is a very real tradeoff being made these days.  The city is undergoing a rapid transformation, and unless the transplant brings

Continue reading Hating the Alien

Thank You, Apple

Orwellian Government

It’s not often that large corporations do something that I appreciate, in fact, I’m not sure that I can remember a time before this one.

That said, if I’m going to criticize, I have to also give credit where it’s due, and this time, Apple deserves some aforementioned credit.

Last week, Apple decided not to build backdoors into the encryption for its iPhone products beginning with the iPhone 6, and following suit, Google did the same.

Of course, none of this is the result of altruism.  Both Apple and Google would re-instate the Holocaust if they thought it would add

Continue reading Thank You, Apple

The Jump

Jump in Progress

It’s a Seattle right of passage.

The bridge in South Lake Union Park.

Cherries popped in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …

 

Continue reading The Jump

Real Niggaz Smoke Crack

Smoking Crack in Seattle

Alright ya pussies, you got marijuana legalized, but weed is for children. Amateurs. Precious suburban kids who, months prior, were sniffing glue.  That’s why it was legalized.  The suburban white people of the State of Washington just couldn’t in good conscience keep arresting suburban white kids.  If the decision to legalize it was purely ethics-based, they would have legalized all drugs.

Yes, pot is about as white suburban as a drug can be.  I know, I know, your favorite studio gangsta talks about smoking indo all the time, and you think it’s badass.

No, no wait … aren’t the G’s

Continue reading Real Niggaz Smoke Crack

A Day at the Fashion Show

No Pipeline

They’re mad as hell and they’re not, well, okay, they’ll keep taking it, but they’re soo gonna make some more signs.

Ah, climate change. Single-most fashionable cause of the last decade. It’s still going strong, and unlike that “human trafficking” thing that Ashton and Demi got white people worked up about a few years ago, shows no sign of fading out.

By the way, did you ever notice that black people don’t seem to care about global warming?

Hispanics either.

In fact, it’s sort of intriguing, but much like those other periodic causes, the aforementioned “human trafficking”, “girl’s self-esteem”,

Continue reading A Day at the Fashion Show

A Duck

Ducks Diving in South Lake Union

 

Just because.

The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Wrong-Way Seattle Driver

I could start, author, and maintain an entire blog about shitty Seattle-tourist drivers, and have enough material for multiple articles daily. Hell, sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what I’m doing now.

It’s difficult to explain to non-Seattleites why the topic of our drivers is such a passionate topic.  You just sort of have to live here to understand.

The photos on this page are courtesy of a friend of mine that lives on Bainbridge Island.  One of his family members is in Harborview, which means that for the past week, he’s had to commute back and forth through Downtown

Continue reading The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Better Late Than Never

2nd Avenue Bike Lane

The 2nd Avenue Bike Lanes arrived last week, and so far, from what I’ve seen, they’re getting decent usage.  Especially for being so new.

It’s just too bad another cyclist had to die before they appeared.

A couple of years ago, when Mike McGinn proposed putting more bicycle lanes on Seattle streets, news website comment sections erupted with anger.  People who don’t live in Seattle, and almost exclusively people who don’t live in Seattle, feel very strongly about Seattle having bike lanes.

“If they paint more bike lanes, that’s it!  I’m not going to Seattle anymore!”,

Continue reading Better Late Than Never

Pollution Makes The Nicest Sunsets

Sunset - September 15 2014

Crane City

Construction Cranes from SLU Park

I’ve been around the block a few times, but I can say without exaggeration, that I have never in my life seen as much construction as I have seen in Seattle, Washington in 2014.

Look left, there are cranes.  Look right, there are cranes.  Look at the Space Needle, cranes.  The mountains, cranes.  Cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes.  When one disappears, two more take its place.  It’s overwhelming. It’s absolutely incredible.

What does it mean for Seattleites, though?

Is this crane business good?  Is it bad?

It depends on who you are.  I’m less than thrilled

Continue reading Crane City

First Hill’s Panorama House Is Owned By Assholes

Panorama House Via Google Maps

Seattle.  The world’s largest Monopoly board. Magnet for every greedy real estate developer in the good old US of A.

“Well, that’s the price of progress, Rex. It’s a free market.”

Yeah, the “capitalist” mantra.  That is, until it’s time for the little guy to bail out the banks that make the loans for these properties.  We only care about capitalism when it’s time for the tenant to get her cut.  Rent control is evil only when it’s time to pay the people back.

In any event, bend over, First Hill, this one’s going to hurt a little.  It’s time

Continue reading First Hill’s Panorama House Is Owned By Assholes

No Greyhound

Terminal Building

Prior to the mid-90’s, it was the gateway to Seattle for many of us.  Now, after 75 years, Seattle’s Greyhound Bus Station has moved out of downtown, and back to SoDo.

Since only poor people ride the bus these days, scoring this prime real estate was, I’m sure, half as difficult for the developers as taking candy from a baby. (see the plans for this location below)

If the start of the next recession stays on schedule, the new development should be completed just in time for financing to run out.  Don’t worry about the developers, though, as

Continue reading No Greyhound

Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years

Driver Nearly Running Over Pedestrians

“Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kirkland anymore … there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home …”

“Bicyclists should be licensed and required to carry insurance!”, squawked the friend of a friend.

It’s an argument I’ve had an unbelievable number of times, always with a suburban resident, always with a sports fan. Not that I have anything against sports fans, I’ve just come to realize over time that they tend to be loyal to things and ideas which may or may not be supportable with a logical argument.

“Actually, motorcyclists aren’t even required to carry insurance in

Continue reading Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years

Unfortunate Sons

Police Abuse Protest on Pike Street

Just before 5pm yesterday, I spotted a small protest march making its way up Pike Street.

As they got closer, I could see that they were protesting the state of law enforcement in the USA. They were a diverse mix of protestors, black, white, hipster, suburbanite, middle-eastern, and I was very heartened to see that … even in the absence of a media circus … a small group of people still took time out of their day to stand behind their positions.

I stopped, held out an outstretched thumb pointing upward, and nodded approvingly to each passing protestor. It

Continue reading Unfortunate Sons

:-(

Miner's Landing (Pier 57) Carousel

Seattle Waterfront Arcade set to close in September

Add it to the list of changes you’ll soon see at Seattle’s waterfront: the family-owned arcade that’s long called Pier 57 home is leaving, and not by choice.

The arcade owner had been operating under a month to month lease at Miner’s Landing, and says he knew the closure would happen eventually, he just didn’t think it would happen so soon.

“We thought we had a little bit more time than we do now, but we were given 30 days notice and will be closing on September 22nd,” said Mike Cichy.

(snip)

Continue reading :-(