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The SPD vs. Seattle

Red Light Runner

It’s no great secret that Seattle is a city with a law enforcement problem. I’ve never seen a city whose residents hold such a universally negative opinion of their police force, and I’m including both New York City and Los Angeles in this statement.

I can’t speak to the opinions of citizens in the less-dense areas of Seattle (Crown Hill, Sand Point, etc), but here in the Pike-Pine/Downtown/First Hill/Capitol Hill environs, there is a definite “us versus them” sentiment that seems to be quite pervasive.

While it’s easy to chalk this dichotomy up to some kind of hippie/liberal anti-cop

Continue reading The SPD vs. Seattle

The Reason You Celebrate Martin Luther King

Martin Luther King

Do you ever wonder why we have holidays celebrating white voilence … Independence Day, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day … while we only have holidays celebrating black passiveness?

Why is it noble for white people to take up arms against the king, to take up arms against leaders that we don’t like … while black uprisings are supposed to be non-violent?

Why, when you ask every suburban white person, who their hero is, does Martin Luther King come rolling off of their tongue before any other name?

Well, in case you don’t know, you certainly should know. Especially on the

Continue reading The Reason You Celebrate Martin Luther King

I’m Going to the Super Bowl! Again!

seahawks_win_playoffs_2015

Well, it was a hard-fought game, and at times, I didn’t think I was going to pull it off, but guess what?

I did!

I totally beat the (fudge) Packers!

Me and the team, we totally kicked ass today, and low-and-behold, we’re going to the Super Bowl!  Again!

DAMN I’M GOOD!!!

As I sit here now, people are yelling in the streets below.  One man in particularly is repeatedly shouting “D” to the top of his lungs.

Apparently, my defense was spectacular today.  It’s a great source of pride for myself and my family.

You know, while all of this

Continue reading I’m Going to the Super Bowl! Again!

He’s Up There … What’s That? Hawaiian Noises?

Pineapple Express Diagram

I sit here, indoors, while outside, Seattle is being pounded by a Pineapple Express.

In January, Pineapple Expresses are fairly typical in these parts, but outside of Washington, Oregon, and British Columbia, few people have heard the term (with the exception of the movie, of course).

This being the case, allow me to illustrate just what a Pineapple Express is, which I’ve taken the liberty of drawing on top of this morning’s weather map.

Stay dry fellow citizens of New California.

Now You Do What They Told Ya

It's okay, it's okay.  The store owners voted for Obama.

It’s okay, it’s okay. The store owners voted for Obama.

While I’m not a huge football fan these days, when I was a kid in Washington DC,  I used to like the Redskins, or as we called them (especially when they lost), the Foreskins.

So, it was with some sadness that I periodically read about the team’s name being made an issue of by the six-digit-education-having haters of working-class entertainment.

Today, I happened to be doing some work in the shell, and after I typed a short command, something occurred to me:

bash:~# echo $OSTYPE darwin14

Ah, yes, Darwin … good old

Continue reading Now You Do What They Told Ya

The World’s Greatest Website

Hipsters

I don’t surf the web much anymore.   After a promising start, Gen X passed the digital torch to Gen Y, who then proceeded to remove their pants, touch their toes, and walk briskly backward into every corporate dick they could find.

Now, all websites start with the same question in mind:  “How can we monetize this?”

In every case, the answer is the same:  “Place corporate phallus in anus.”

And so they do.

You can’t make money being sincere or telling the truth.  It’s simply not possible.  So nobody does.  Instead, you have to cater to the deluded mainstream.

Continue reading The World’s Greatest Website

Random Solar Art

Interesting Morning Sunglare

The Cowardly Comet

No Dissent! Popular Sentiment Only!  We'll Punch You If You're Unpopular!

Comet Management: Banned from Their Own Bar

“Oh no!”, I said as I stood across Pike Street from The Comet, “please tell me I don’t see what I think I see.  Please tell me they didn’t get one of those cornball ‘we won’t tolerate intolerance’ signs.”

Oh, Comet …. Et tu?

You couldn’t resist?

You had to succumb to hatred and intolerance, simply because it was the path of least resistance?

We live in a time where people are being ostracized, where people are losing their livelihoods, where people are being actively oppressed for expressing sentiment contrary to

Continue reading The Cowardly Comet

White Trash

Dogs on SLU Beach

When affluent white people feel guilty about something, they lash out at everyone else.

The streets are packed with c02-spewing cars.  The airports are packed with travelers, waiting to board fuel-guzzling aircraft.  Almost everyone on the Seattle City Council owns a car.

To soothe their collective consciences, affluent white people pass “ecological laws” intended for poor whites and minorities to obey, then they pat themselves on the back, bask in their collective goodness, then go about shitting all over the planet like they’ve been doing for decades.

For instance, I made an impromptu stop at a grocery store last year,

Continue reading White Trash

Almost a Decent Shot

Space Needle w Moon on New Years Day 2015

I mostly shoot on what I call “Aperture and Shutter Priority Mode”, which is basically Manual Mode with Auto-ISO turned on.  Occasionally, however, I sometimes go into full Manual Mode, and forget to turn Auto-ISO back on when I’m finished.

Such a thing happened on New Year’s Day, when I tried to get the Space Needle and the moon, plus an airplane, into the same shot.  I reeled off 7 shots, and when I went to review them, I realized that I’d shot them all in full-on darkness at ISO 100.

Doh.

I tried to correct my settings, but

Continue reading Almost a Decent Shot

Man Overboard!

Burial at Sea

You know, I actually think this is a really nice idea. Heck, I may even do it myself.

That said, if I do, I will be sure to specify not to do it during a weekday morning, because they actually have to stop the ferry for about 5 minutes while hundreds of impatient passengers look on.

By the way, who knew they made big seashell things for just this porpoise?

Eh? Eh?  Just this porpoise, get it?

Float in peace whoever you were.

Continue reading Man Overboard!

Nordstrom’s New Clothes

Christmas Story Bus with Westin Towers

Alright, they aren’t exactly “new”.  Nordstrom’s new lights have been up for about a month, but I’ve been busy saving the world from poorly-written code (and doing a not-so-swell job of it in the larger scheme), and I’m just now getting around to some of my older pictures.

Nordstrom (or “Nordies” as my friend Chuck calls it) got stone-cold festive this year, and … well … see for yourself.

  

I actually like the new lights.

Hopefully, they’ll be an annual thing.

Kind of like plowing your mother under the mistletoe after she’s had twelve too many eggnogs.

 

Continue reading Nordstrom’s New Clothes

The Man in the Space Needle Reflection

Space Needle Reflection

I took these photos on Friday evening, and while “developing” them today, I noticed something odd.

Now, it may be the weird mushroom I found in my omelette this morning, but I see a face in the photo below.  It looks kind of like a chimpanzee with a big nose, or perhaps an ancient Aztec warrior made of stone … or maybe … just maybe … if you tilt your head just right … Sticky Fingaz from Onyx.

Frankly, I don’t know who/what it is, or what it may want, but I do know one thing, and that’s how to

Continue reading The Man in the Space Needle Reflection

Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?

Starbucks Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room

It’s been said, often by me personally, that the TV show “Friends” killed the American city.

Decades of white flight left inner-urban areas relatively diverse and downright affordable.  Then, ‘Friends’ gained an audience, and before you knew it, there was a coffee shop on every street corner, and every other rental ad touted its proximity to nearby coffee shops, if it didn’t simply mention the TV show by name. I actually saw scores of ads that looked something like this:

“3br, 2ba, close to nightlife & coffee shops.  Great for roommates. It’s just like Friends!”

For the urban working-class,

Continue reading Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?

Pussy Destroyer?

Pussy Destroyer

Oh no, my friends.

No, no.

What you are looking at is not a Pussy Destroyer.

What you currently have fixated within your gaze …

Is a Pussy Obliterator.

Once those fine-ass threads hit the floor, it’s all over.

Boom, bap, poof, it’s gone.

“Where’d my baby-maker go?”, you’ll wonder, but it will be too late. All that will be left for you to do, is pick up the phone, call your mother, and say “Sorry, Mom, but you’ll never be a grandmother like I promised … I’ve been the victim of the Pussy Obliterator”.

You have been warned.

Continue reading Pussy Destroyer?

Little-Known Music Fact

Robert Plant

When Robert Plant wrote the song “Whole Lotta Love” in 1969, where he sang:

“I’m gonna give you every inch of my love”

What people didn’t realize then, but what musical historians have since uncovered through numerous interviews, as well as linguistic research, is that what Robert was referring to was, in fact, his penis.

Coming up: Seattle Rex takes you back to 1977 and the Kiss classic “Love Gun”, where he reveals the surprising details behind its true meaning.

Continue reading Little-Known Music Fact

Hotel Max

Hotel Max

Power From the People

Electricity Thief on 7th Avenue

How small must his heart be to steal power from Christmas lights?

That’s right, homelice here was out of power for his phone/mp3 player, so he stopped to charge it from an outlet on the Christmas lights.

Is nothing sacred?

Does the spirit of Christmas mean nothing any more?

We’re supposed to be giving this time of year, not taking, yet here this guy is, taking power away from the people.  That money could be used to buy enemas for baby kittens or some shit, but does he care?

Not at all.

Fine, we’re talking pennies in power here,

Continue reading Power From the People

Gone But Not Forgotten

Layne Staley and Mike Starr Sign at 8th & Olive - Howell

Still loved after all these years, eh fellas?

This sign has been taped to a pole in the 8th & Olive/Howell triangle for about 2 weeks now.

 

Know What Else Is Expensive?

spd_says_protests_are_expensive

Oh Noes!!!!

$462, 000??????

$150,000?????

$100,000?????

Good grief, that’s expensive!  How much are we paying these cops anyway???!!!!!  Has anyone looked into the payroll over at SPD Headquarters???

Until they do, I wish you assholes would stop protesting because this shit is getting way to expen ….

shit

 

Face it, Seattle.  Protests or no protests, we’re getting fleeced by the SPD, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.

It begs the question …

What’s more expensive?

Occupied police officers, or idle police officers?

As much as I’ve been critical of the Ferguson

Continue reading Know What Else Is Expensive?

Give Til it Hurts Everyone

give.org

Last year, a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is a single mother who is now in medical debt up to her eyeballs.

How could this happen, though?  How could a young woman with breast cancer be so in debt?  I mean, with so many people across this country walking, running, shitting in a bucket, and buying pink ribbons for breast cancer … how on earth could she be buried this deeply in medical bills?

As it turns out, this happens because breast cancer charities don’t really help anyone.  Instead, the “charities” are marketing and advertising firms

Continue reading Give Til it Hurts Everyone

Whitefest 2014

Figgy Pudding 2014

Alas, the annual Figgy Pudding Festival, highest holy day on the White Bourgeoisie calendar, went off on Friday without a hitch. Cops were everywhere, and there was not a single, solitary mohawk in sight. Woo-Hoo!

Why is Figgy Pudding so special to upper-middle-class whites and the upper-middle-class whites at heart (Asian girls I’m looking at you)?

Are you kidding?

Singing Christmas carols, on the downtown streets of a major city, to benefit the homeless, while the homeless are kept far, far away?

We’re talking urban adventure without the risk, an audience of thousands watching you sing like Whitney, and

Continue reading Whitefest 2014

Was it Something I Said?

Figgy Protest Cancelled

Word on the street has it that, once it was pointed out to him that homeless and elderly people were slightly stronger, and thus slightly better able to defend themselves, than a children’s choir … Mo Better Blues Hawk wanted nothing to do with tonight’s event.

I’d say it was a solid decision.

Well done, toddlers.

For once.

Seattle Protestors Finally Confess: We Don’t Care About Anyone But Ourselves

Figgy Pudding in Westlake Center

Figgy Pudding in Westlake Center

It could not have possibly been more clear.

Lest anyone have a shred of doubt about the sincerity of Seattle’s Ferguson Protestors, that doubt no longer exists.  The “leader” of the group has finally admitted what the rest of us knew all along.

“We don’t care.”

Tonight, the annual Figgy Pudding fundraiser will take place in and around Westlake Center, and true to self-centered, “screw the poor, it’s all about me and my affluent friends” form, Fauxhawk and his band of Merry Suburbanites are having another playdate.

http://www.king5.com/story/news/local/seattle/2014/12/05/protests-to-coincide-with-figgy-pudding-at-westlake-center/19936319/

Organizers of a longtime holiday tradition in downtown

Continue reading Seattle Protestors Finally Confess: We Don’t Care About Anyone But Ourselves

Fixed it For You!

Phony Revolutionaries

You know, people say I’m not helpful, but I just don’t see it.

I spotted this message on Pike Street the other day, and not only did I give it a wider-audience,  I also made it factually-accurate.

Does that sound unhelpful to you?

They Ain’t Heavy … It’s My Nutsack

Mohawk Map

 

 

Well look who’s waking up  …

I’m like Beetlejuice.  People are scared to say my name, lest their advertisers shit themselves, but they love me nonetheless.  When the local mainstream is afraid to say something, they wait for me to say it, and then they say it in a more sanitized way.

Everything is relative, and they look downright bland by comparison, and that’s more or less what they’re going for.

Fortunately, my nutsack is large enough to carry them all.  I’ve had decades to build strong nutsuck muscles, and carrying peecee white people on it has become

Continue reading They Ain’t Heavy … It’s My Nutsack

The 2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree

2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree

 

Westlake Center is to Seattle what Rockefeller Center is to New York City, and as you might imagine, the Westlake Tree is our version of the Rock Center Tree.

Of course, ours is far nicer, given that it’s located in Seattle. Say what you will, but I can’t imagine a few extra feet of tree compensating for the fact that you’re not in the nation’s greatest city. In fact, the only thing I would say that NYC has over Seattle, is that it has fewer New Yorkers. Ever since Hipster Number One discovered Brooklyn, natives have been leaving

Continue reading The 2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree

A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call

Child Bullying Cowards

Child Bullying, minority displacing, priapism curing, emotionally-stunted, psychopathic, pathetic cowards on the lookout for grown-ups or anyone who might be able to fight back.

You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,

Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call

Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese

Simply Seattle Poster

Oh, and they also simplify business banking.

I ran across this poster on 5th Avenue last week, and it really piqued my curiosity.

See, I don’t know why one would want to run through Gas Works Park, kicking the shit out of Canadian Geese.

Hold on …

Wait …

Wait a minute …

Wait just a minute …

Yes …

Yes I do …

Yes I do know why one would would want to do such a thing …

Remember this from a couple of years back?

http://www.seattlerex.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/canadians_invade_seattle-seattlerex.mp4

Well, alright.

It’s settled, then.

I’m opening an account at Sound Community

Continue reading Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese

Happy Thanksgiving!

Turkey Fucker

I thought this video was appropriate for the occasion.

God Bless Us Everyone.