Seattle Space Needle Reflection at Night

Why I Hate The Internet

Wrong Marley

 

 

Ladies and Gentleman,

 

 

I give you …

 

 

Bob Marley …

 

What Would Christopher Cross Think?

Sailboats on Lake Union

Sailboats on Lake Union – August 20, 2013 7:50pm

About operating a wind-powered vessel on a body of water?

Were he to write a song about it, I wonder what might it go like?

I envision something like this:

Straight outta Texas, crazy muthafucka named Chris Cross; Fuckin’ divas like Mariah and Diana Ross; Bust a nut while a bitch is givin’ deep throat; Then I head to Lake Union in my sailboat.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how it would go.

Continue reading What Would Christopher Cross Think?

Luck

Suppose a Seattle billionaire builds a room on his lavish Magnolia estate, and in that room, on one of the walls, is a panel.

On that panel, is 1000 buttons.

Now, let’s say the billionaire is an overall good guy, but does have a very slight dark side.

You see, he wants to help people, while forcing those same people to, in some small way, take a risk in exchange for his help.

Once each year, he holds a lottery where he draws the name of one Seattleite out of a hat, completely at random.

The “winner” of the lottery

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I Guess They Should Have Invited Kids

Above from: http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Seattle-team-falls-short-in-world-record-water-balloon-fight–220116031.html

Well, it serves them right … who in the hell has a water balloon fight without inviting kids?

You remember kids, don’t you Seattle? They’re the people who invented the fucking water balloon fight. The people who gave our culture all kinds of cool things, because their parents cut the umbilical cord when they were born, instead of 37 years after the fact.

A couple years ago, after covering the zombie world record attempt in Fremont, someone wrote in and asked me why so many of these childlike events happened in Seattle.

I wasn’t sure back

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Make Those Donuts With Extra Grease

Melvins at Neumos - Buzz Osborne

Melvins at Neumos – Dale Crover Hula Hooping

“Where’s the rest of Crover and why is he hula-hooping onstage?”

These questions and more were left unanswered after last night’s Melvins show at Neumos.

On second thought, those were really the only two questions. Apparently, Dale cut his hair and started hitting the gym, and now looks downright human. And, as mentioned, during the final 10 minutes of the show, he stood front and center, and hula-hooped along to the rest of the band’s rousing cover of “Facists Eat Donuts”. If I had to take a complete stab in the

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Only in Seattle

Goat in Van Outside Neumos

So I’m standing outside Neumos last night, waiting for the Melvins to arrive, sticking a slice of Big Mario’s pizza into my face hole, when a van pulls up in front of me.

It’s a white van, fairly non-descript, and I pay it no attention. That is, until, a passenger in the back of the van presses its nose against the window.

“What a homely girl”, I think to myself.

Still, I am a Seattle male, and I knew what my civic duty was, so I promptly formed a “V” with my two front fingers, and stuck my tongue between

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Brown Bags and Banned Citizens: Seattle’s Insanity Explained

Seattleite Border Collies

Being a Seattleite can be tough sometimes.

While Seattle enjoys a generally positive image from a technical and business perspective, we suffer a fair amount of ridicule when it comes to, well, just about everything else. Unfortunately, as a mostly-underground-yet-marginally-known “blogger” in this town, I am often called to answer for some of our more ridiculous exploits.

Everytime a national news story breaks about something stupid we’ve done, I brace for the inevitable. A predictable string of emails sent either to inform me of what has happened, seek comment on what has happened, or simply to deride me as

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Welcome to the Real World, Dominic Holden

Seattle Police Officers

Oh, King County Cops and Seattle Police Department, ya done fucked up now.

For years, you’ve been harassing average citizens for the non-crime of taking photographs, but this time, you’ve gone too far. This time, you pissed off a precious, affluent white person on the Stranger staff.

I’ve been writing about harassment at the hands of police officers and security guards for at least 5 years, and it’s always happened while taking photographs or recording videos.

Unfortunately, I’ve been far from alone. In fact, just this last month, Phil Mocek elicited this reaction from security guards at a Downtown

Continue reading Welcome to the Real World, Dominic Holden