Seattle Space Needle Reflection at Night

Tears

That’s the current front page of the CNN website.

The T-word?

Are they serious?

Can they be serious?

I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. I had tears streaming down my face. TEARS!

The N-word, the R-word, the G-word, the T-word, congratulations you’re all in preschool again, censored where you stand.

Since the beginning of human habitation, the elite have tried to control the speech of their inferiors.

Why?

Because they knew then what we know now.

If you can figure out how to control speech, thought soon follows.

More recently, the ruling-class has found an even

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Google Removes the Greatest Thing Ever

“We’re sorry for this inappropriate user-created content; we’re working to remove it quickly. We also learn from these issues, and we’re constantly improving how we detect, prevent and handle bad edits.”, said a Google PR person.

Then, she slowly removed the stick from her ass, careful not to rupture anything, looked around, blinked twice, then followed with, “But seriously though, Apple sucks and I save their press releases at home to wipe my ass on.”

 

Trouble at Doggy Daycare

What did you say to my bitch? What did you say to my bitch?

I told her to lose the zero and get with a hero, what, you wearin’ your jumbo-sized Neuticals today?

No, I left my jumbo-sized Neuticals at your mother’s doghouse, motherfucker.

O …. K … we’ll just stay over here until you guys are finished and … no, no, take your time, no rush, my owner works until 7pm, it’s all good, go ahead and finish him off.

P.S. Neuticals are artificial balls.

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Watch Your Back, Fool

In some cities, it’s a sign that you’re in gang territory.

In others, it’s a place to buy drugs.

In Seattle, if you spot shoes hanging over a wire, you know with certainty that you’re in a neighborhood full of ex-suburban, white, recent-college-grads with beards and a fetish for authenticity, all of whom would run like their ass was on fire at the mere sight of an actual minority.

That’s right, homies, Sebastian’s turned stone-cold ghetto, and real ghetto niggaz don’t turn their shoes into Payless for proper disposal. Motherfucker. You know, unless they’ve flown home for spring break

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The SPD’s New Policy Already a Success

The city of Seattle will consider changing how it prioritizes incidents. Right now it follows a national model — life safety, property, then traffic. The city says it is considering prioritizing traffic over property.

Well what do you know … it’s already working.

 

Story –>

Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though

Typical Seattle Driver

Typical Seattle Driver

Don’t worry homocidal suburban drivers. The SPD still wuvs you.

See, drugs are bad for you, but having a 5,000lb steel bullet roll over your head is full of 8 essential vitamins and minerals!

Besides, laws are for poors and minorities.

Do your thing SPD! Make the city safe for gentrifiers worldwide! Take it from Ed Murray the Tiger, they’re GREAAAATTTTTTT!

SEATTLE – Seattle and federal law enforcement announced 95 arrests Thursday in a major crackdown on drug dealing and other crimes in the city’s downtown core.

Open air drug dealing has been an ongoing issue

Continue reading Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though

Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle

Who looks exactly the way that I look? Me! When I am reading, who’s holding the book? Me! When I want dinner, who always will feed me? Who’s always handy whenever I need me? Firm as a feather in all kinds of weather, Me, me, wonderful me!

-Official song of Seattle Tourists Worldwide

“Seattle Rex exaggerates.”

I know you think it. Frankly, I don’t blame you. I would think the same thing. I have some weird tales to tell at times. I see things that, frankly, are not very believable.

I’m aware that there’s a healthy amount of skepticism

Continue reading Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle

Eating Dick’s on Capitol Hill

On any given weekend night, I can be spotted on Capitol Hill, shoving Dick’s in my mouth, then sucking on the business end of a long cylinder until it erupts into my mouth with all of its creamy goodness.

Yes, Dick’s hamburgers and milkshakes are still quite good after all these years, not to mention, the source of exactly 27.82% of all juvenile penis jokes told within the Seattle City Limits.

Make that 27.83%.

There’s another reason I eat Dick’s, though. You see, I just happen to be a Swass motherfucker (see 3:24):

“I got a def posse,

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Thanks a Lot, Asshole

I hope it was one HELL of a text message.

The Reason Elites Love Martin Luther King