Seattle Space Needle Reflection at Night


Seattle is probably the only large city in the US where floatplanes are a common sight. In fact, people often forget, but because of Lake Union, we actually have a commercial airport not more than 2 miles from the Downtown core.

Excluding the transplants, it’s just another one of those things that makes Seattle generally better than everywhere else.

I mean worse. Worse than everyplace else because it, you know, never stops raining.

That’s why we have so many floatplanes. The regular airports are always flooded from the non-stop rain. Planes that can’t float have no chance of landing

Continue reading Floatplanes

Ruh Roh! Seattle Rex Was Right

Oh dear, this is not good, no not good at all.

First we have people openly dissenting at 4th & Pine, and now black folks are failing to hail the Corporate Elite Party as saviors for nixing the confederate flag.


Maybe they noticed Democrats trying to sell them out after all.

Pffft, and you elitists assumed they were all too busy doing whatever stereotypical things that black people do. Such as not reading.

They have been, though.

That’s right, while you guys have been pandering to the gentrifiers, wringing your hands over how to make well-off whites

Continue reading Ruh Roh! Seattle Rex Was Right

Conformity Wins

Isn’t it great?

Isn’t it great to be one of the herd? Moo’ing in unison, bathing in the affirmations and attaboys of millions of your peers?

Why it’s positively intoxicating!

OHMYGOD there’s even a hashtag. There’s always a hashtag. This time, it’s #lovewins

How beautiful. Doesn’t that make you feel good? Love winning? Love overcoming all barriers placed before it, and emerging victorious! GOD feel those neurotransmitters plugging in and giving you the warm and fuzzies. That right there is why they don’t want you to do drugs. If you get that feeling from anywhere else, you might be

Continue reading Conformity Wins

Rainbow Crosswalks and the Gay Stereotype Parade

Homophobic woman

Yoo-hoo, guess who’s got the gayest crosswalks in all the land?

A different color for everyone who’s been hit in the crosswalk this week

Just your friendly hourly reminder that Seattle supports gay stuff. Hey, did you know that Seattle supports gay stuff? We also support the gay community. And lesbians. And transgenders and people with carbonite penises. Anyway, we think you should know that Seattle supports the gays, and the gay community, and the LGBTASHWKEJWKQOUSGHZ communty, of which gays are a part. Speaking of gays, I think it should be noted that Seattle supports

Continue reading Rainbow Crosswalks and the Gay Stereotype Parade

Finally, A Presidential Candidate I Can Get Behind!

Nouns, Motherfucker! We Got Nouns! And Prepositions Too, Biyiyatch!

Upper-Middle-Class Caucasians love their slogans. Boy oh boy do they love their slogans. Especially ones written on walls in random places.

Much like pissy notes on car windshields, a phenomenon as inextricably linked with Seattle as winter rain, scrawled slogans don’t require the person throwing the hissy fit to be physically present. While directing their anger toward another person or group, it allows him/her to remain anonymous, thus completely avoiding any repercussions for their display of anger.

Good God, could any one thing be more perfect for Seattle?

Probably not.

And so, it comes as little surprise that our

Continue reading Nouns, Motherfucker! We Got Nouns! And Prepositions Too, Biyiyatch!

Emperor Cited for Indecent Exposure at 4th & Pine

This afternoon, during rush hour, a hundred or so people blocked the intersection of 4th & Pine Streets to protest something I couldn’t completely figure out.

I saw a few “black lives matter” (but not enough to keep us protestors from gentrifying them out of Seattle) signs, a couple “Radical Women of Color” signs … I kept picturing Jeff Spicoli saying “Radical! Women of color!”, and some other signs promoting ideas that the protestors don’t actually want … such as socialism. Trust me, the last thing any of these people want is for the playing field of classism to be

Continue reading Emperor Cited for Indecent Exposure at 4th & Pine

A Tale of Two Titties

So, after being cockblocked a couple of months ago by some asshole with an iPhone, I was going through some photos today when what did I see but a Lightroom thumbnail of the forbidden melons front and center.

“Well what do you know, I got the picture after all!”, I exclaimed while running a victory lap through Seattle, across the 520 Bridge, down through Olympia, around the Olympic Peninsula, then back again.

What can I tell you, I was excited.

Alas, when I enlarged the photo, I was struck by the painful fact that I had failed yet again.

Continue reading A Tale of Two Titties


A Tale of Two Cities

This week, the Seattle Police Department repeatedly removed low-income and homeless campers from their adopted spot next to the I-5 express lanes, just off of Pike Street.

This is a strip of land in an area in which nobody lives, walks, nor does anything. Much like rude-yet-perfectly-legal comments, however, the site of poor people upsets the demographic to which Mayor Ed Murray repeatedly panders, which means that the poor people must go.

And so they did. A group of nearly a dozen cops walked up and down this strip of land, searching each tent, then kicking out the occupants.


Continue reading A Tale of Two Cities