Seattle Space Needle Reflection at Night

Answering a Seattle Police Officer’s Question

“Why don’t you use the crosswalk!”, bellowed the Seattle Police Officer moonlighting as security for the Paramount Theater.

My companion and I looked at each other with incredulity, before both breaking into laughter.

On this night, the officer had blocked the entire sidewalk for the convenience of a few rich people, necessitating us to walk in the street to get around the obstruction. Given that I have to do this 15-20 times daily just to get to work and back, it doesn’t even register as an unusual thing to do anymore. It’s just an automatic reaction at this point,

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A Funny Thing Happened on My Way Home from Work

I was walking home from work on Tuesday night when some guy sauntered up beside me and said “Pssst, you need tickets?”

“No”, I replied, before looking up at the nearby Paramount Theater marquee to see who I was being offered tickets to see. Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, David Spade, Norm McDonald (and Tim Meadows and Nick Swardson, I would find out once in the venue).

The show was starting in a half-hour, and I didn’t hold out much hope for ticket availability, so imagine my surprise when I walked up to the box office and learned that they

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The Most Un-Surprising Report Ever Issued

In related news, a new shocking report has been released which finds that grass is green and, oh yes, apparently the sky is blue as well.

In explaining our rating, the report above makes a few observations, which you have to read between the lines to understand (it’s wrapped in advertiser-friendly explanations about weather and density).

What they actually say is that our poor drivers are the result of a high influx of transplants from fair-weather Podunkville , who are used to suburban/rural roads and clear, sunny weather. It notes that these people are far out of their element,

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Frozen Heart in Westlake Park

Where did it come from?

Who did it come from?

Will it enslave the human race and cause us to fight to the death for just enough food to power our emaciated bodies for one more day, at which point we’ll have to fight larger, more well-fed creatures from another enslaved planet until one lone survivor remains, at which point that survivor is shot by the frozen heart through the cerebellum, thus causing the extinction of our species?

I don’t know the answer to the first two questions, but the answer to the last one is … yes, yes

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