Blame It on the Rain

I like the City Market.

Convenient location, silly signs out front, and prices that aren’t completely offensive.

Sure, you can’t get QFC prices here, but you can get a gallon of cow tit jizz for less than the cost of a gallon of gas. What more could you ask for?

And so I went. About an hour ago, I put on some jeans, threw on a shirt, pulled my knit hat tight and strolled up The Hill.

When I hit Boren, I began to notice something very bizarre.

Everywhere I looked, I observed people carrying sticks, and stretched across the top of these sticks was some kind of curved fabric, almost like a dome. People were holding the sticks vertically so that the fabric dome was above their head.

Why were they doing this?

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure they’re terrorists.

After all, I don’t carry a domed fabric stick, and I’m not a terrorist.

DO THE MATH PEOPLE!

In all seriousness, what the hell?

When did Seattleites start carrying domed fabric sticks en-masse?

If I had to guess, it was probably around the same time they started listening to folk music and overusing the word “amazing”.

I still think it’s tantamount to heresy, though. Back in the day, before men were routinely beaten by their girlfriends for leaving the toilet seat up, domed fabric sticks were a rare sighting on Capitol Hill.

Could it be that modern Seattle hipsters are afraid of meeting the same fate as the Wicked Witch of the West?

I don’t know, but it’s a theory.

After grabbing a few things from City Market, I walked over to Benson’s Grocery on Pike Street where I decided to grab a couple of throwback sodas.

As I approached the case, I was greeted with the following sign:

Jesus fellas, a little obnoxious don’t you think?

I mean, don’t you have any customers that aren’t shoplifters? Do you think it might be appropriate to put up a sign for us too? You know, maybe “Thanks for your business!” or something along those lines?

Oh well, much like the rain-tolerance of the average Hill resident, customer service isn’t what it used to be.