Cal Anderson Park

20 years ago, Calvin Johnson of K Records fame, and Lonnie Anderson of ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ fame copulated in the bathroom of Linda’s Tavern on Capitol Hill.

Nine months after this random, chance encounter, Lonnie gave birth to a son at Virginia Mason Hospital, checking in under the assumed name ‘Courtney Love’ to conceal the true identity of their illicit lovechild.

Realizing that Burt Reynolds would beat them both senseless if he found out about the kid, after giving birth, Calvin and Lonnie put the newborn in a basket and pushed him off into the Puget Sound.

In the basket, they left a note which read:

“Please take care of our baby, Cal Anderson.”

You see, even though Calvin and Lonnie could not keep the child, they wanted him to carry their name forever, as a symbol that they would always be with him in spirit.

The next day, on a trip from Downtown Seattle to Bainbridge Island, a ferry operator spotted the baby floating in the basket. He stopped the boat, scooped up the child, and proceeded to take him to the nearest Police Station.

One short block from the station, the ferry operator noticed that the child’s bindings were too tight. He retrieved his trusty 3” swiss army knife from his back pocket, began to cut the fabric, and quickly heard “Drop the knife!”.

Unsure of who was yelling at him, he turned to face his accoster, but it was too late. It was a police officer who was barking out the commands, and from 12 feet away, the ferry operator’s 3 inch blade was clearly a threat to the police officer’s life. The cop had no choice but to respond with lethal force.

Pop, pop, pop …

The ferry operator suffered 5 shots in the back, and poor Cal took one to the head. He never had a chance.

Touched by the tragic story, Mayor Charles Royer decreed:

“Today is Cal Anderson day, and in his honor, the City of Seattle shall create a park in his honor!”

Thus, Cal Anderson Park was born on Capitol Hill, a few short blocks from where Lonnie first hid Cal’s sausage.

Okay, absolutely none of that happened. The park was named after some State Legislator guy, but I prefer my version better.

While Gas Works Park may be the unofficial Central Park of Seattle as a whole, Cal Anderson Park is the Central Park of Seattle’s most densely populated area — First Hill and Capitol Hill.

Yesterday, after an entire morning of rain, the sun broke out at about 2pm. We grabbed a bunch of stuff, headed up the hill, and spent a couple of hours at the park named after Lonnie and Calvin’s lovechild.

We waded in the fountain (not sure if that was legal, but we didn’t kill anyone) and hung out in one of the few truly open spaces on The Hill. Cal Anderson Park is my “home park” for lack of a better term, and it’s a great park with ball fields, tennis courts, a playground, a water scultpture, and a reservoir. With financial district skyscrapers looming behind the trees, it’s also got a pretty cool view.

If you live in the Seattle area and are not yet a regular at Cal Anderson Park, you will have the opportunity to change this in the near future. The new Capitol Hill Subway Station is more or less in the park, thus making it infinitely more accessible to the city as a whole (at least this will be the case once it opens).

On our way home, the clouds once again moved overhead and began pouring rain down upon us. Since it rarely rains in Seattle, I found this odd, but the brief blue hole between storms was more than enough time to enjoy a psuedo-Spring day at the park.