I’m going to let you all in on a little something: People cannot change their gender. No, it’s true, they can’t. At least not without killing themselves.
I know, I know, this news will really piss some of you off, but don’t shoot the messenger for I didn’t make it so.
See, gender is determined by chromosomes. If you have Y chromosomes, you’re a male, otherwise, you’re a female. You can pump yourself full of hormones, change the tone of your voice, grow your hair long, get the best fake knockers that money can buy, and chop off your wang
Continue reading Biting the Hand
General Porpoise Donuts
Extended adolescence. It’s all the rage these days. And instead of shaking my fist at the infantile suburban tourists who pass through Seattle on their post-collegiate staycations, I’ve finally accepted the fact that, short of hiring a few black guys to move to the neighborhood (Sticky Fingaz from Onyx “black”, not suburban-friendly Obama “black”) I can’t do anything to make them leave. That’s right, 2016 will be the year when I finally try to live in harmony with the attention-starved kidults. After all, it’s not their fault that they’re 35 year-old soul-less blank slates, void of
Continue reading Specific Dolphin
“I am Goliath, you are David. I am a Tractor-Trailer, you are a Yugo. I am Yoko Ono, you are the Beatles.” – things that cross ones mind when looking at this bearing down on you.
After a two-year-ish absence, Seattle’s weather has made like a post-2000 college graduate and returned home. For how long is anyone’s guess, but the next 10 days appear to be a given with rain forecast for just about every day, and heavy rain at that.
As you can see by the image posted above, we’ll be on the receiving end of an atmospheric
Continue reading Seattle’s Weather Comes Home For a Visit
For the second year in a row, overwhelmingly affluent, overwhelmingly white, overwhelmingly ex-suburban, overwhelmingly gentrifying people are threatening to ruin the Westlake tree lighting ceremony. It’s a ceremony that many kids in the city look forward to every year.
Why, do they protest this event, you may ask?
Alas, the reason is fairly obvious. As an event with a large middle and working-class attendance, disrupting it keeps the protestors far away from the ruling-class and political elite, and thus, overwhelmingly safe. It also keeps it vague, which unfortunately, is the point.
Hey, BLM folks, let me ask you
Continue reading A Coward’s Christmas Carol
They came, they gentrified, they kicked black people, poor people, and pretty much everyone except affluent, ex-suburban white kids out of the city. Before you knew it, wide swaths of American cities were affluent ghettos filled to the brim with white kids from the burbs.
Then, they drew up some signs which read “Black Lives Matter”, and they marched around their newly-gentrified domains. You know, because they care about black people. Just not enough to let them stay in their homes.
All was right with the world of the ex-suburban fauxgressive, until 150+ people were killed in Paris. Then,
Continue reading I See Your Twuuuuu Colors Shining Through … Again
Seattle Gumwall – The Day Before
We are on one hell of a roll I must say.
Lest anyone doubt the veracity of my vision for Seattle, on Tuesday, we ameliorated one of the few true tourist attractions that Seattle has. Anymore at least. Especially with Ride-the-Ducks sidelined.
Seattle Gumwall – The Day Before
For those who may not be aware, the Seattle Gum Wall is no more. On Tuesday morning, it was blasted clean by a work crew, which is why Monday evening, I headed down for some final pictures, as well as to stick some more
Continue reading Bricks are People Too
In what is a semi-daily occurrence at this point, Value Village, thrift store made famous by Macklemore, and longtime haunt of yours truly, closed last week.
While I used to get annoyed by this type of thing, I’m so used to it now that I’m just numb to it all. I, like most in this area, have learned not to get attached to anything. Businesses, for their part, have also learned not to try too hard to ingratiate themselves to the community. After all, what’s the point? As soon as they become even remotely popular, their landlords will see
Continue reading Cleaning House in Pike/Pine
What you see above is not an exception. It’s the rule.
On most days, when walking to or from work during rush hours, the majority of intersections are blocked by automobiles/trucks/buses. Quite openly and unapologetically, I should add. In fact, the few times I’ve said anything, or even looked annoyed, I’ve gotten honked at, flipped off, yelled at, etc.
Because it’s my fault they’re blocking the intersection, I have no right to complain. After all, they’re them. People who have not once in their lives been told “you’re wrong”. People who are, without any hyperbole whatsoever, convinced
Continue reading The Strange Life of a Seattle Pedestrian
No, really, it was.
It was totally a bad thing. Hitler should not have rounded up the Jews and put them in concentration camps. I’m sorry, I just don’t think it was right. In fact, I’m going to make a sign calling the Holocaust a bad thing, and I’m going to carry it around so people know just how I feel about the Holocaust. Which is that it was a bad thing.
I don’t care if you disagree, I just don’t agree with it, okay?! I just do not agree with the Holocaust, and I think it shouldn’t have happened.
Continue reading The Holocaust Was a Bad Thing
New Amazon Tower on Westlake Avenue (taken 9/4/2015)
So, I’ve had a lot of people ask about my Amazon lawsuit, and I’ve been meaning to get around to posting an update, but things have just been to hectic.
First, I offered to settle for nothing. Nothing for me, at least. Amazon declined my offer to help the homeless, though.
Then, about a week before trial, over two months after the initial order, I was contacted by Amazon with an offer to settle.
I was very much against settling up until that point, the problem was (according to legal advice
Continue reading About the Amazon Lawsuit