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Holding Out for a Miracle

Comcast Blows

As one who depends on a stable Internet connection for his occupation, I have a huge stake in the state of Seattle’s Internet infrastructure.

As you can imagine, it’s been a rather disappointing paradigm. I pay over $100/monthly for the fastest connection that Comcast offers, and that connection is throttled liberally to prevent Comcast from having to invest in their infrastructure.

In the past 4 years, my Comcast Internet connection was down dozens of times. That I live in Downtown Seattle, the most tech literate city in the U.S., makes this a disgrace. It is, however, status-quo.

Each time

Continue reading Holding Out for a Miracle

Kickin’ It Old-School

Justin Timberlake on the cover of GQ

Once upon a time, I had Google Adsense ads on my site, and in those days, I enjoyed a Page Rank of 5-6, which was fairly high for a blog. As one of the few websites on the Internet with 95%+ unique content, I suppose it made sense on some level.

One day, I happened to be surfing my own site, when I noticed that my homepage was serving as a billboard for scores of fly-by-night businesses from whom I received nothing. Here their names were, displayed beside mine, yet, I received nothing from them. Only when someone clicked did

Continue reading Kickin’ It Old-School

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Mozilla CEO

On Thursday, Mozilla, the company behind the web-browser Firefox, forced CEO Brendan Eich to resign over private contributions he made in 2008 to California’s Prop 8, which stated that marriage was between a man and a woman.

The action comes on the heels of a protest against Mozilla by the dating website OkCupid, which blocked users of Firefox from accessing their website. OkCupid released a statement saying, “Those who seek to deny love and instead enforce misery, shame, and frustration are our enemies, and we wish them nothing but failure.”

You know, I don’t oppose gay marriage. In fact,

Continue reading Won’t Get Fooled Again

Coming Up Short

Bald Eagle and Space Needle

For the last month, I’ve been putting off buying a new zoom lens.  My inner-conflict sounded a little bit like this:

“A thousand dollar zoom lens, or a ho of solid Seattle 9 (LA 6) quality?”

“A thousand dollar zoom lens, or ten minutes of face-time with a Seattle politician?”

“A thousand dollar zoom lens, or an ounce of the pinkest biker crank that money can buy?”

While I would really value a new zoom lens, as you can see, there is a lot of competition for the roughly $1,200 it will cost. That said, I may have to switch

Continue reading Coming Up Short

Ban Bossy

Feminist Hate Propaganda

Yes, folks, between elementary and high school, girls’ self-esteem drops 3.5 times more than boys … yet somehow, some inexplicable way, some un-specified way … young males commit suicide 8 times more often than females.

You know what this means don’t you?

The people behind this campaign are a bunch of evil misogynist assholes who are trying to increase the female suicide rate!

How, exactly, does one measure self-esteem anyway?

And, if we call “assertive” boys leaders, why are one in five … ONE IN FIVE … little boys on medication, often at the demands of their female teachers, to

Continue reading Ban Bossy

The Fourth Estate

Seattle PI Homepage

Earlier this year, a Federal Court ruled that bloggers have the same First Amendment rights that journalists have. Believe it or not, the issue was actually up for debate.

Unfortunately, some states still only afford full protection, such as shield laws, to journalists working for mainstream news outlets.

This is frightening, and today’s front page of the Seattle PI remind us why.

Folks, I am not joking, that is the true and present homepage of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.  Remember that the next time you hear the phrase “reputable media outlet”.  Remember that the next time politicians argue for special

Continue reading The Fourth Estate

Updated: Amazon and Adorama: Life in a Third-World Consumerist Shithole

Amazon Cornholes Seattle Rex

Being an American consumer is a lot like being anally violated on a daily basis.

Strike that.

Being an American consumer is EXACTLY like being anally violated on a daily basis.

If the past two years have taught me anything, it’s that America’s glory days are so far behind us that not even the Hubble Telescope could see the last of them.

There used to be a saying, “You Get What You Pay For”, but no longer is that saying even remotely true.  Instead, no matter what you pay, what you almost always get, is shit.

Folks, without the

Continue reading Updated: Amazon and Adorama: Life in a Third-World Consumerist Shithole

Still The Worst Drivers in America

Bad Driver in Downtown Seattle

Back in 2012, I wrote an article about the absolute atrociousness of the average Seattle tourist driver.

In case you missed it, here it is:

http://www.seattlerex.com/the-worst-drivers-in-america-a-dissertation/

Two years have passed since that post, and as hard as it is to believe, the drivers in this town have actually gotten worse.

Much worse.

Much, much worse.

The only reason I haven’t revisited the subject in the past couple of years, is because there simply are no words to describe the dearth of driving skill and the immense sucktitude of the average Seattle podunk tourist-turned-wannabe-urban-driver.

I’ve often thought of updating my

Continue reading Still The Worst Drivers in America

Black Like Me

SlutWalk

Over the course of a typical month, I get anywhere from 10-100 photo license requests. As I have published over 100,000 photos online, this probably comes as little surprise.

While I’ve historically been extraordinarily generous with pictures, usually refusing to take money even when it’s offered, I’ve back off of my generosity in recent years, and there are a couple of reasons for this.

First of all, as Generation Me has come of age, and has taken over the requesting demographic, so has the entitlement. Several months ago, I was berated for not providing a free photo quickly enough,

Continue reading Black Like Me

Defending Spike: The Cultural Genocide of Gentrification

Whitey Hipster Gentrification

It looks like Spike Lee has gotten himself into a bit of hot water. Last week he had some not-too-kind words for the ex-suburbanites who have taken over his childhood neighborhood.

You can read about it here: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/02/spike-lee-amazing-rant-against-gentrification.html

Not surprisingly, upper-middle-class white people did not take kindly to his remarks. Take, for example, this comment from the aforementioned link:

“But explain to me how people of any color buying property instead of renting isn’t better for the neighborhood? Do you *want* the area to stay poor, the schools to not have the tax base needed to educate properly, and

Continue reading Defending Spike: The Cultural Genocide of Gentrification

In Related News, The Seattle Times Finds Grass to be “Green”

WA Lawmaker Demographics

 

Remember, folks, they are also overwhelmingly Democrats.  Democrats who care about gays, women, blacks, immigrants, and the plight of the working poor.  Democrats who are tirelessly supported by affluent college professors, affluent college students, and the affluent media which caters to them … including such “alternative” outlets as The Stranger, Seattle Weekly, and every other Seattle-based blog and website on the Internet.

Yes, they care.  No, really, I’m serious, they care about all of those diverse groups of people more than their own demographic because they are completely selfless people.  That’s right, benevolent angels sent down from heaven

Continue reading In Related News, The Seattle Times Finds Grass to be “Green”

The Seattle Seahawks Superbowl Celebration

Seahawks Parade - Fans in Westlake Park

Seahawks Parade – Fans in Westlake Park

When it’s an unprecedented event, and only a few blocks from your home … you kind of have to go.

After waiting roughly an hour, however, I forwent waving to the players as they passed by on 4th Avenue. Instead, I contented myself to celebrate my unbridled joy with what has been reported to be between 200,000-500,000 people.

I suppose it was entertaining on some level, although I’m still not sure I’ll ever fully agree with these kinds of priorities.

As it turns out, all absences from Seattle Public Schools will be

Continue reading The Seattle Seahawks Superbowl Celebration

The Seahawks Won! The 12th Man Didn’t.

Pike Place 12th Man

When I lived in Olympia, one of my neighbors got a Seahawks sweatshirt from the Olympia Free Store.  After wearing it only a few times, however, he promptly threw it away.

“If you don’t want it, why don’t you donate it back to the free store?”, I asked him.

“Because I wouldn’t want someone else to go through what I went through”, he replied.

I was perplexed by this response.

He went on to explain that he had only bought the shirt because it was nice and warm, but whenever he wore it, he found himself on the receiving

Continue reading The Seahawks Won! The 12th Man Didn’t.

Maria Cantwell Says “Rich, White, and Female Still Trumps Negro”

Bigot Cantwell

“I am very concerned and disappointed by this verdict,” said Cantwell. “I am confident there will be an appeal to closely re-examine today’s decision. It is very troubling that Amanda and her family have had to endure this process for so many years. I will continue to closely monitor this case as it moves forward through the Italian legal system.”

Yesterday, Amanda Knox, wealthy white girl from West Seattle was convicted of murder.

You remember, Amanda Knox?

The girl whom, after being accused of murdering another affluent white-ish girl, threw a black man under the bus.  The girl whose parents hired

Continue reading Maria Cantwell Says “Rich, White, and Female Still Trumps Negro”

The Rally for a $15 Minimum Wage

Raise Minimum Wage to $15 Rally in Westlake Park

Raise Minimum Wage to $15 Rally in Westlake Park

Yesterday, a rally was held in Westlake Park to convince the legislature to raise Seattle’s minimum wage to $15/hour.

The increased minimum wage is supported by the same people who support amnesty for illegal aliens, as well as policies which support a general increase in illegal immigration.

Alas, at its core, the rally was yet another social gathering where gentrifiers congregate to jockey for social status in an urban setting … the great irony being that they are largely the problem.  I mean, do any of you at all realize

Continue reading The Rally for a $15 Minimum Wage

Super Bowl Here We Come!

Home of the 12th Man

Home of the 12th Man

Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man, the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions — everything, now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things: bread and circuses. – Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis, 140 B.C.

“Bread and circuses” (or bread and games) (from Latin: panem et circenses) is a metaphor for a superficial means of appeasement. In the case of politics, the phrase is used to describe the creation of public approval, not through exemplary

Continue reading Super Bowl Here We Come!

Dear Racists, Please Talk to Asians, Thanks In Advance, Gay People

Know Asians

I encountered the above poster today.

As the only non-Asian in my family, I can categorically state with some authority that what is said in this sign never happens.  At least not in the Capitol Hill environs.  At least not in a way that any of us have ever noticed.  It doesn’t happen to anyone else either.

How do I know?

Common sense.

Just think logically for a moment.  This “Know Stigma” place holds that there are anti-Asian bigots in this world who dislike Asians so much, that they move to Seattle … a city where 14% of residents

Continue reading Dear Racists, Please Talk to Asians, Thanks In Advance, Gay People

We’re Here, We’re Queer, We’re Kinda Intolerant

Witch Goose Hunt

I knew this was coming. For the past couple of years, I’ve been warning that this would happen.

See, I don’t have cable TV, and before yesterday, I had not even heard of the show “Duck Dynasty”.

Because of the following article, now I have:

Link to Article

The suspension of Phil Robertson from A&E’s Duck Dynasty nasty is outrageous in a nation that values freedom, according to social critic and openly gay, dissident feminist Camille Paglia.

“I speak with authority here, because I was openly gay before the ‘Stonewall rebellion,’ when it cost you something to

Continue reading We’re Here, We’re Queer, We’re Kinda Intolerant

Duck Duck What?

Duck Duck Logo

It’s easy to get into habits, and by doing so, failing to discover better alternatives.

Take search engines, for example.

I’ve been using Google since it was a cluster of Linux/Free-BSD boxes in the late-90′s.  In those days, Google was a scrappy challenger to then-dominant Yahoo, and when I told people that I’d switched to it, I was met mostly with snickers.

Alas, history is repeating itself, as it wants to.

Google was superior to Yahoo because its algorithm was right for the times.  Whereas Yahoo merely counted the number of times a search term appeared on a page,

Continue reading Duck Duck What?

Here We Go Again: Suing Google

SeattleRex vs. Google Initial Demand Receipt

12.

That’s the number of times I submitted an appeal to Google. Twelve times.

Look, I don’t like going to court. In fact, I hate going to court. It’s extremely time-consuming, risky, and frustrating. That’s why I spent months appealing to Google a dozen times. Because I really, really, really didn’t want to go to court.

What can you do, though, when a company takes your hard-earned money, locks the things purchased with that money into a particular account, then decides somewhere along the way that they don’t like your name. That’s right, for no particular reason …

Continue reading Here We Go Again: Suing Google

Tantrum on the High Seas

Washington State Ferry with the Space Needle

A few months ago, I wrote a rant after a particularly trying day, and the replies I got to it were rather rude, if not predictable, and all of them anonymized.

They fell along the following lines of:

“Oh, that never happens”, “Why I haven’t I see it?”, “I ride the ferry all the time and I’ve never seen what you are describing once, not even once!”

That’s the thing about anonymous internet commenters. They’re all full of shit.

Skepticism in general is a good thing, though. Frankly, there should be more of it. Much more of it. I

Continue reading Tantrum on the High Seas

Chicken Dinner

Kshama Sawant

Well what do you know. She won. She actually won.

Frankly, I take the credit.

Just days after I wrote an article about her, Kshama Sawant became the first socialist to be elected in Seattle in 100 years.

Read it and weep:

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/politics/article/Seattle-elects-socialist-to-city-council-4986539.php

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Is it possible that I swayed just one, two, three votes, or enough to push her over the top?

Hell yes it’s possible.

In fact, I would say it’s probable.

Okay, it’s possible. Barely. But still, possible.

So, Ms. Sawant, you’re welcome. Just remember who got you here when

Continue reading Chicken Dinner

Eh, Fuck You Comcast

TV Antenna

Most days, I go through the day feeling like a floppy asshole that’s been fucked one too many times by the corporate cock. Every once in awhile, though, every now and then, I tense the sphincter of my meager existence and I snap the phallus right in half.

Today was one of those days.

It all started last Thursday when I woke up and turned on the dipshit box.

“Where’s that raving bitch M.J. McDermott?!”, I screamed, “How the fuck am I supposed to know if it’s going to be a ‘dry paws’ day or a ‘damp paws’ day goddammit??!!”

Continue reading Eh, Fuck You Comcast

Seattle Election 2013: All Over But the Sodomy

2013 Seattle Election Results

2013 Seattle Election Results

Oh Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. I tried to warn you. Really I did. You didn’t listen, though. Nobody ever listens.

The votes have been counted, and by a solid 57-43 margin, Ed Murray won the 2013 Mayoral Election. I’ll have 4 ½ years to make my opinions of Ed known, but suffice to say, I’m fairly bummed out.

Ed Murray is a fairly typical politician, with the exception that he’s fashionably gay, and supports fashionably gay causes.

Given that gay folks in Seattle are an affluent demographic, with arguably more political power than any other

Continue reading Seattle Election 2013: All Over But the Sodomy

Capitol Hilloween 2013

Hilloween 2013

Hilloween 2013

Hilloween 2013 was held this weekend, and as usual, we could not resist attending.

I like Hilloween for a number of reasons, but perhaps my favorite event pastime is watching wayward hipsters show up.

Every year, a handful of ex-suburban dillknockers show up at Cal Anderson Park dressed up in their “sexy” costumes, and every year, I watch as a look of confusion, and then rage comes over their faces.

See, when they read the flyers proclaiming Hilloween to be child-friendly, they naturally assumed that by “child”, the organizers mean people from 21-50 years old. This is

Continue reading Capitol Hilloween 2013

A True Alternative Candidate

Vote Sawant

You claim to be alternative.

You got the nose ring.

You got the tongue ring.

You talk the talk.

Isn’t it time to walk the walk?

Last election cycle, I read with humor as The Stranger excoriated the few 3rd party candidates on the ticket for being too, well, alternative. According to The Stranger, said candidates did not … prepare for the horror show … HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO RUN FOR OFFICE!

Hey Pierced Tongue, feel like you’ve been had yet?

Cause you have been.

As the corporate ogre continues to dupe ex-suburban wannabe-alterna-kids, third party candidates continue

Continue reading A True Alternative Candidate

The Great Seattle Grocery Store Strike

Westlake Park - Grocery Strike Countdown

Westlake Park – Grocery Strike Countdown

Well, it looks like the grocery strike is going to happen not going to happen because all involved read my piece and came to their senses.

I wish I could say that I will honor would have honored the strike, but it wouldn’t make any sense for me to do so.

The standard of living for the American working class is falling, and it will only get worse as time goes on. This is not the result of some clandestine plot by Corporate America, it’s the result of policies that the people, themselves,

Continue reading The Great Seattle Grocery Store Strike

Viva Obamacare!

IQ By State

Today, I became a socialist.

That’s right, on this fine day, I got out of bed, walked over to my desk, fired up my computer, and placed the round, pink, firm nipple of the nanny state directly into my mouth … at which point, I began sucking.

Oh my. I never knew that milk could taste so sweet.

Why, oh why, did I wait so long? Why did I deprive myself for all these years?

You see, before this week, I’d never asked the government for anything. At least not directly. Sure, I’ve used public streets, I’ve benefitted from the

Continue reading Viva Obamacare!

Beware Parallels Desktop 9

Parallels Screenshot

My occupation requires that I write, test & support software on a variety of different platforms, and for the past couple of years, I have been pulling this off using virtualization technology … primarily the open source VirtualBox.

A Linux user since the early 90′s, I’ve always preferred open source solutions when reasonably possible. I still use Linux on all of my servers, as well as Open Office, GIMP, Eclipse, etc on the desktop. Over the years, my bias against commercial software has only increased with Corporate America’s increasing level of hostility towards consumers, as well as a general decline

Continue reading Beware Parallels Desktop 9

StinkedIn

StinkedIn Registration

The United States economy is in the midst of fascinating, yet troubling times.

In the span of roughly one and a half to two decades, United States companies have gone from a “The Customer is King” philosophy, to one of abject contempt for the customer. It’s occurred slowly enough so that most Americans have not been aware of the change, but every now and then, something reminds me of just how far we’ve slid, and how quickly it’s happened.

A couple of weeks ago, while eating at Italian Family Pizza on First Avenue, I noticed that my daughter had a

Continue reading StinkedIn