Seattle. A city comprised of 600,000 transplanted suburbanites. More passive-aggressive notes per square mile than all other cities in the USA combined.
I encountered the above notes today while walking on the same block. The same block!
It looks like it’s time for another installment of “Seattle Rex’s Suburbanite Education Series”. This one will be brief.
Dear Neighbors from Outer Culdesacia, I have a few tips to make your staycation more enjoyable, not just for yourself, but for everyone.
One note is passive-aggressive. Two notes is obsessive-compulsive. That was a comment, not a tip. Here we
Continue reading You Might Be From The Suburbs …
Not long ago I wrote about my experiences with the pathologically narcissistic women of the Pacific Northwest. I took a little heat, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … I’d rather be right than popular. And I am.
Case in point …
Yesterday, I stopped at La Parisienne in Belltown to get some things to take home, and while waiting, I decided to get a storefront shot for a later review. Here it is:
Alright, it’s nothing special, but it’s my picture and I’m happy with it.
As I’m setting up, not even in shooting
Continue reading Dear Women of Seattle, No Really!
Remember, you heard it here first.
And a bunch of other times too.
As a lifelong student of human psychology, I’ve always been fascinated with the way that people justify hypocrisy to themselves. The conclusion I’ve reached is that people know they’re full of shit, they just generally don’t care.
Everybody wrings their hands about Global Warming, but they do so purely for their own self-interest, not because they give a damn about the planet or anyone on it. They would just as vocally ridicule Global Warming if they thought for a microsecond that it was the
Continue reading The Least Shocking News Ever Reported
On June 30th, unarmed light rail fare enforcement officers got into an argument with two men who allegedly did not have proof of fare payment.
The passengers, Oscar Perez Giron and Mario Parra Cetina, were removed from the train at the SoDo Station, and a King’s County Sheriff’s Deputy arrived soon thereafter.
A few minutes later, an altercation ensued, at which point Giron was shot by the deputy. Supposedly, Giron pulled a gun during the altercation, which he appears to do in the video, although it’s sort of hard to see.
What I don’t understand, is why if Giron
Continue reading SPD Releases SoDo Light Rail Shooting Video
Stereotypes? What Stereotypes? I don’t see any stereotypes?
Did you know that cherry trees only produce fruit after a long cold-spell?
It’s true. This is why cherries grow in British Columbia, but don’t grow in the tropics.
You see, the cherry tree is extremely averse to procreating in autumn, because it “knows” that its offspring will not survive the winter. In order to improve the odds of its species’ survival, the cherry tree waits until after cold weather passes before procreating.
Survival of the species. It’s one of the strongest instincts on earth. It’s so strong that it’s even
Continue reading Seattle Gay Pride 2014
Whenever Seattle makes the national news, it’s never for something good, and this week was no exception.
Apparently, a woman who lives in a building about a block from my own, looked out the window this week, and when she did so, she spotted a radio controlled helicopter. As it turns out, this radio-controlled helicopter had cameras attached to it, as many do these days … even the $199 RC helicopters from Toys R Us.
Upon spotting this RC device, or “drone” as she called it, the woman naturally assumed that it had been launched with the sole intent
Continue reading Dear Women of Seattle, We’re Not All Looking At You. Regards, Rex
The phony liberals on the Seattle City Council are once again showing the voters what gullible, idiotic, pretentious fuckbags they are. “We are”, I should say, although nobody I vote for ever gets elected.
On Wednesday, the City Council, spurred by fraud-in-charge Mayor Ed Murray voted to raise the salary of Seattle City Light’s general manager, Jorge (pronounced “Whore, Hey!”) Carrasco, from $250,000/year to $364,000/year.
In other news, thousands of mentally ill people still call Seattle’s streets “home”. In yet another unanimous vote, the Seattle City Council voted to “give the stupid retards nothing”, while publicly pretending to care
Continue reading City Council Says “Oink”
WARNING! Before I go any further, it is very important that readers from California use this link to view the current article. There is a known virus going around which, for some reason, only targets computers with a geolocated California IP address. Because of this, I’ve created a section of the website which has neutralized this threat. Failure to use this link from California may result in rapid virus propagation, inflicting all nearby computers with malware and all kinds of other badness. Again, Californians, please use this link:
California version of this blog post
“Why do you
Continue reading The Answer
“I can’t believe that people aren’t rallying in the streets over how cool this is!”
I said these exact words yesterday while showing a friend my new 12.2″ Galaxy Note Pro.
While the Android platform has its issues, myself being one of its harshest critics, the multiple-window multitasking I found in the new tablet was beyond cool. It was, quite frankly, the most awesome feature I’ve discovered since I began using Android about 5 years ago. The ability to literally draw a square, and have a new application pop into that square, all without disrupting the current application, is just badass.
Continue reading Still Shameless After All These Years
“Why is the SPD always involved in controversy?”
I was asked this question about a month ago by someone visiting the city. They were both concerned and intrigued by the amount of national notoriety our police force has received, especially given the fact that Seattle is not a particularly large city.
I explained to them that less than 20% of SPD officers live in the city. I explained that the overwhelming majority of them are suburbanites and ruralites, tasked to police an environment and a people with which they have little off-duty familiarity. When you throw in the fact that
Continue reading Sued by the SPD
Chronological Adults in Cal Anderson Park
My kid just came back from a birthday party, and I am perplexed.
The party was cool enough, and everyone seemed to have fun, however, when my daughter began recounting her experiences during the ‘games’ portion of the party, I thought she was putting me on.
“We played games for about two hours.”, she said.
“Cool, how did you do?”, I asked.
“Well, everyone did the same.”, she replied as she rolled her eyes.
She told me about the egg and spoon race, where each child had to race around a course while
Continue reading Evolution Aborted
Raise Minimum Wage to $15 Rally in Westlake Park
If you think it’s expensive to live in Seattle now, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
In perhaps the single largest repayment of bribes Seattle has ever seen, today, the City Council KY-ed the sphincter of every middle-and-lower-class Seattleite, bent them over, and spread their cheeks wider than the town’s ever-growing income gap.
Oh yes, my fellow middle-class urbanites, we’re about to get loved from the backside by every hipster hotel builder from here to Timbuktu, and it’s only going to be about half as fun as it sounds.
In a unanimous
Continue reading The City Council Votes to Annihilate the Working-Class. Again.
“Oh my God”, said the teenaged tourist girl, “what’s going on? What’s happening?”
I looked up from my computer, and noticed that she was looking out of the window with concern. Curious, I looked out of the window as well, and that’s when I spotted the object of her fear.
Coast Guard Gun Boat on the Puget Sound
It was small inflatable boat with a comically-large gun mounted on the front. Behind the gun was a person standing with his finger on the trigger, ready to annihilate … a fish? an orca? a kayaker? a drunken tourist on an
Continue reading Subjugation on the Sound
You want to know why so many websites are getting hacked these days, leaking your personal information to anyone and everyone?
Allow me to illustrate …
Yesterday, I tried to change the password to my Samsung account. I’d changed it previously to a shorter password, and I had second-thoughts about doing so, so I decided to change it back.
I logged into my Samsung account and proceeded to change my password back to my moderately-secure, 11+ character password which has never been written down anywhere.
I couldn’t, though, because apparently, I’d used it before.
Fair enough, I went to a variation
Continue reading Samsung’s Security Theater
I guess it really is my fault.
Last month, I had an online “disagreement” with an Adorama Camera representative. When I explained to her that Adorama’s shipping choices were deceptive, because I was charged more for 3-Day “Expedited” shipping than for the faster “Two Day” option, it took her awhile to understand what I was talking about. Frankly, I’m not sure that she ever truly understood my issue, but I appreciate that she tried.
Since that time, however, I have shied away from ordering merchandise online, opting instead for brick-and-mortar purchases, in the case of camera equipment, at Glazer’s
Continue reading Fool Me Twice, Adorama Camera!
Seattle Rex’s Silvertone SSH3/CS
One of my neighbors was looking to unload one of his too-many-for-a-small-unit guitars, so he gave this one gratis while apologizing the whole time.
“Eh, this thing is an inexpensive Les Paul copy”, he told me, “it’s pretty low-end, but maybe you can let one of the kids play around with it.”
I thought it was beautiful.
When I got it back to my unit and looked it over, I realized that it is a Silvertone SSH3/CS, and that while it sold for around $150 during its last production run, it’s actually a very well-regarded instrument. With a whopping
Continue reading An Axe to Grind
Seagull Parents Guarding Nest
As it turns out, not all beings in Seattle are ©”Too Selfish to Have Kids”.
Perhaps the majority of humans are, but as this seagull couple show, some of us are still okay with putting the mackdown smackdown on a fly hoo-haa and watching as the expulsion of our gonadonal love lava furthers the survival of our species.
That being said, while I used to somewhat worry about the large decrease in offspring by the supposed intellectually elite, no longer is this the case.
Last month, we threw a birthday part for my daughter, and
Continue reading Guarding the Egg
At least once each year, the president flies to Seattle, drives all over the region in a gas-guzzling motorcade, then flies back out. Sometimes he’s here overnight, sometimes for just a few hours, but the amount of pollution left in his wake is substantial.
A local meteorologist I respect a great deal, Cliff Mass, often writes about global warming on his blog, yet, he doesn’t seem shy about traveling to weather conferences, and his book (which is excellent, BTW) is published in tree-killing, CO2-causing, paper-only form.
Al Gore, the man who brought global warming to the forefront of American consciousness,
Continue reading Climate Change Proponents: “Do as We Say, Not as We Do”
Last week, Mayor Ed Murray revealed his plan for a $15/hour minimum wage. The wage increase would be phased in over 3-7 years, depending on business size, and health benefits and tips could be taken into account before that time. Local real estate developers are already licking their chops over this proposal.
Fellow Seattleites, it’s time to cut the shit. For once in our lives, it’s time to drop the charade and just be honest …
Nobody in this town cares about poor people.
Have you any idea the immense wealth that lives and works within 1 mile of Westlake
Continue reading Mayor Ed Murray’s Proposal for a $15 Minimum Wage
City of Seattle Office of Cable Communications 700 Fifth Ave, Suite 2700 Seattle, WA 98104
It’s Saturday, May 3, 2014, just after noon, and for the second time today, fourth time in the last month, roughly 40th time in the last couple of years, my Comcast Internet connection is down.
When this happens, I no longer even bother to call the company.
Because for the last couple of years, they’ve used these outages as a means to scam their customers.
You see, during the 30 outages for which I have called, Comcast Technical Support has informed me that
Continue reading Letter to The Seattle Office of Cable Communications
By the sounds of the helicopters circling overhead en-masse, I can tell what the date is without even looking at a calendar.
That’s right, boys and girls, it’s our annual revolution. Our yearly “look at me” Middle-Child Fest. The day when affluent white kids from the suburbs descend on the city, pretend to revolt, shoot off a little silly string, then go back home before someone gets hurt.
So as not to have their 5 straight hours of “news” coverage lull us to sleep, each year, all of the news stations, but especially King 5, try to create some
Continue reading May Day 2014: Feel the Rage
The Seattle Aquarium
As a season pass-holder to the Seattle Aquarium, I spend quite a bit of time at this attraction.
For a city of “only” 600,000 people, ours is an aquarium befitting a significantly larger city. For the most part, we have it all.
We’ve got touch tanks, seals, sea otters, an octopus, and all kinds of weird things I wouldn’t even try to pronounce.
I took a few photos on my last visit, the results of which are on this page. (photos from a previous visit are here)
The Seattle Aquarium is open from 9:30am – 6pm
Continue reading The Seattle Aquarium
Sakura-Con 2014: Main Hall
I don’t understand white people. Seriously. I am to white people what Tiger Woods is to black people.
For instance, I’ve never been camping. I’ve been invited, but I never wanted anything to do with it. Trust me, if you’ve ever spent a night sleeping on the New York City Subway because you didn’t have a place to go home to, you thank your lucky stars each and every day you have a king-sized bed, five computers, a quiet place to shit, and a door that locks. You sure as hell don’t leave it all
Continue reading Sakura-Con 2014
As one who depends on a stable Internet connection for his occupation, I have a huge stake in the state of Seattle’s Internet infrastructure.
As you can imagine, it’s been a rather disappointing paradigm. I pay over $100/monthly for the fastest connection that Comcast offers, and that connection is throttled liberally to prevent Comcast from having to invest in their infrastructure.
In the past 4 years, my Comcast Internet connection was down dozens of times. That I live in Downtown Seattle, the most tech literate city in the U.S., makes this a disgrace. It is, however, status-quo.
Continue reading Holding Out for a Miracle
Once upon a time, I had Google Adsense ads on my site, and in those days, I enjoyed a Page Rank of 5-6, which was fairly high for a blog. As one of the few websites on the Internet with 95%+ unique content, I suppose it made sense on some level.
One day, I happened to be surfing my own site, when I noticed that my homepage was serving as a billboard for scores of fly-by-night businesses from whom I received nothing. Here their names were, displayed beside mine, yet, I received nothing from them. Only when someone clicked did
Continue reading Kickin’ It Old-School
On Thursday, Mozilla, the company behind the web-browser Firefox, forced CEO Brendan Eich to resign over private contributions he made in 2008 to California’s Prop 8, which stated that marriage was between a man and a woman.
The action comes on the heels of a protest against Mozilla by the dating website OkCupid, which blocked users of Firefox from accessing their website. OkCupid released a statement saying, “Those who seek to deny love and instead enforce misery, shame, and frustration are our enemies, and we wish them nothing but failure.”
You know, I don’t oppose gay marriage. In fact,
Continue reading Won’t Get Fooled Again
For the last month, I’ve been putting off buying a new zoom lens. My inner-conflict sounded a little bit like this:
“A thousand dollar zoom lens, or a ho of solid Seattle 9 (LA 6) quality?”
“A thousand dollar zoom lens, or ten minutes of face-time with a Seattle politician?”
“A thousand dollar zoom lens, or an ounce of the pinkest biker crank that money can buy?”
While I would really value a new zoom lens, as you can see, there is a lot of competition for the roughly $1,200 it will cost. That said, I may have to switch
Continue reading Coming Up Short
Yes, folks, between elementary and high school, girls’ self-esteem drops 3.5 times more than boys … yet somehow, some inexplicable way, some un-specified way … young males commit suicide 8 times more often than females.
You know what this means don’t you?
The people behind this campaign are a bunch of evil misogynist assholes who are trying to increase the female suicide rate!
How, exactly, does one measure self-esteem anyway?
And, if we call “assertive” boys leaders, why are one in five … ONE IN FIVE … little boys on medication, often at the demands of their female teachers, to
Continue reading Ban Bossy
Earlier this year, a Federal Court ruled that bloggers have the same First Amendment rights that journalists have. Believe it or not, the issue was actually up for debate.
Unfortunately, some states still only afford full protection, such as shield laws, to journalists working for mainstream news outlets.
This is frightening, and today’s front page of the Seattle PI remind us why.
Folks, I am not joking, that is the true and present homepage of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Remember that the next time you hear the phrase “reputable media outlet”. Remember that the next time politicians argue for special
Continue reading The Fourth Estate