It’s been said, often by me personally, that the TV show “Friends” killed the American city.
Decades of white flight left inner-urban areas relatively diverse and downright affordable. Then, ‘Friends’ gained an audience, and before you knew it, there was a coffee shop on every street corner, and every other rental ad touted its proximity to nearby coffee shops, if it didn’t simply mention the TV show by name. I actually saw scores of ads that looked something like this:
“3br, 2ba, close to nightlife & coffee shops. Great for roommates. It’s just like Friends!”
For the urban working-class,
Continue reading Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?
Last year, a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is a single mother who is now in medical debt up to her eyeballs.
How could this happen, though? How could a young woman with breast cancer be so in debt? I mean, with so many people across this country walking, running, shitting in a bucket, and buying pink ribbons for breast cancer … how on earth could she be buried this deeply in medical bills?
As it turns out, this happens because breast cancer charities don’t really help anyone. Instead, the “charities” are marketing and advertising firms
Continue reading Give Til it Hurts Everyone
Figgy Pudding in Westlake Center
It could not have possibly been more clear.
Lest anyone have a shred of doubt about the sincerity of Seattle’s Ferguson Protestors, that doubt no longer exists. The “leader” of the group has finally admitted what the rest of us knew all along.
“We don’t care.”
Tonight, the annual Figgy Pudding fundraiser will take place in and around Westlake Center, and true to self-centered, “screw the poor, it’s all about me and my affluent friends” form, Fauxhawk and his band of Merry Suburbanites are having another playdate.
Organizers of a longtime holiday tradition in downtown
Continue reading Seattle Protestors Finally Confess: We Don’t Care About Anyone But Ourselves
Well look who’s waking up …
I’m like Beetlejuice. People are scared to say my name, lest their advertisers shit themselves, but they love me nonetheless. When the local mainstream is afraid to say something, they wait for me to say it, and then they say it in a more sanitized way.
Everything is relative, and they look downright bland by comparison, and that’s more or less what they’re going for.
Fortunately, my nutsack is large enough to carry them all. I’ve had decades to build strong nutsuck muscles, and carrying peecee white people on it has become
Continue reading They Ain’t Heavy … It’s My Nutsack
Westlake Center is to Seattle what Rockefeller Center is to New York City, and as you might imagine, the Westlake Tree is our version of the Rock Center Tree.
Of course, ours is far nicer, given that it’s located in Seattle. Say what you will, but I can’t imagine a few extra feet of tree compensating for the fact that you’re not in the nation’s greatest city. In fact, the only thing I would say that NYC has over Seattle, is that it has fewer New Yorkers. Ever since Hipster Number One discovered Brooklyn, natives have been leaving
Continue reading The 2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree
Child Bullying, minority displacing, priapism curing, emotionally-stunted, psychopathic, pathetic cowards on the lookout for grown-ups or anyone who might be able to fight back.
You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,
Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call
They’re bored as hell, and they’re not going to take it any more!
Believe it or not, I had to work today.
Yes, yes, I know, I know, working is sooooo proletariat, and therefore so un-nuevo-Seattle, but somebody’s gotta do it. If the economy collapses, the trust fund checks stop, and then the outraged class will really have something to complain about.
As I made my way back to the office from lunch, I got caught in the trust-fund social event as it made its way from Westlake Park to the U.S. Courthouse.
Folks, do you know what an organized,
Continue reading Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade
Affluent suburbanites have had a rough year. As the Trayvon Martin case becomes smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror, affluent white people have been in a quandary over what to do next. They need another P.C. diversion to maintain the status quo.
Political Correctness was invented to make affluent whites feel better about themselves for the white flight thing, without having to actually DO anything. It also served to take national attention away from the real primary bigotry in this country, which is classism.
As the gap between rich and poor grows ever wider, the racial bees nest is
Continue reading Showtime!
Same street, same day, one block apart, one blink and you can’t tell which is which.
The fate of kids and canines look remarkably similar these days. Both species wistfully gaze out of the street-level glass cages in which they are dropped off each morning, eagerly awaiting the return of the human who calls itself “mommy” or “daddy”.
It begs the question … have we begun treating dogs like kids, or kids like dogs?
“What’s the difference?”, most Generation Y’ers would ask, and that’s where scenes like those above start making perfect sense.
When an entire generation equates pet
Continue reading Same Difference
I’m happy to report that the First Annual Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night was a rousing success. It was so successful, in fact, that the organizers have decided to host a Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night each and every year, at the same exact place, 3928 1st Avenue S, Seattle WA 98134.
To those of you arriving by search engine over the next 12 months, let me ask you a question … don’t these pictures look fun?
Of course they look fun! Fun is what Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night is all about.
If you missed SSHFN this year, you have a good excuse.
Continue reading Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014
So, a friend of mine was watching Hulu about an hour ago, when a commercial for Ben Bridge Jeweler came on.
“That’s weird”, she thought,” why is a mother giving jewelry to her adult daughter … no wait, that’s two sisters … no wait … ohhhhhhh … I see … they’re domestic partners … I mean husband and wife … I mean wife and wife … fuck it, they’re muff divers. At least they’re supposed to be in the commercial.”
Ah yes, let the exploitation of gay marriage commence.
You know, it’s interesting, in 2008, Barack Obama came out opposed to
Continue reading Yeah Right
Well, you won.
Initiative 594, the one that requires mostly-proletariat gun owners to register with the ruling-class. With overwhelming support coming from our wealthiest, most highly-educated districts, passed in the State of Washington 60% to 40%.
Nearly all rich Washingtonians voted in favor, but why did so many out-of-state multi-millionaires support Washington Bill I-594, though? Didn’t they spend an awful lot of money to influence legislation in a state they don’t even live in? Why would they do such a thing?
Do they really just care that much about the safety of the common man?
The answer, is
Continue reading Washington Initiative 594: A Rare Win for the Wealthy
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Seattle could easily be the richest city in the world. Since everyone more or less agrees that we have the world’s worst drivers, and since they’re not leaving anytime soon, all we’d ever need revenue-wise, is to ticket said shitty drivers.
It would be like printing money.
Let me say that again.
IT WOULD LITERALLY BE LIKE PRINTING MONEY!
Well, somebody in City Hall must have heard me, because for the past week, local law enforcement agencies have been on a mission. Everywhere I look, cops are pulling
Continue reading Shooting Fish in a Barrell
From a musical perspective, I’ve lived through interesting times. Although I was but a child during some of them, I’ve been alive to witness the birth, or early years at the very least, of such diverse genres as heavy metal, progressive rock, funk, glam, disco, punk, hardcore punk, hip-hop, new wave, electronic, house, dubstep, trip-hop, noise/grunge/alternative, and whatever the fuck the last 15 years have given us (shit?).
I’ve witnessed the rise of a few of these genres first-hand, most notably hip-hop, hardcore punk, alt/”grunge”, and a regional music genre known as “Go-Go”. The latter is a genre which
Continue reading Breakin’, Boogaloo Shrimp, White People, and Hip-Hop History at EMP
Kids of all ages stay for free @ 3928 1ST AVENUE S, SEATTLE WA 98134
You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.
Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.
Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.
Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.
Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason
Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!
I received this comment earlier today:
You may be interested to know that a class-action is being brought against Apple for faulting GPU’s (again) in the 2011 15 & 17 inch models. Just Google it, we’re highly visible.
The URL provided was: http://action.mbp2011.com
Now, I can’t verify that this is indeed a lawsuit in the works. I only see a link to a petition, not a lawsuit. That said, if only because I really hope it’s true, a lawsuit could still be in the beginning stages. Vet this one if you’re interested.
Update: The comment below says it all.
Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs
On June 10th, 2013, I posted the following:
Since that time, graffiti has appeared all over Seattle with the following message:
Maybe, but the timing of it all is a little odd. There is an older cat meme with the phrase, but I can’t find another example in search engines using: “can’t have nice things” +graffiti .
Perhaps it’s the same kind of “coincidence” as the tourism bureau’s “Only in Seattle” campaign that was borne after I’d spent a month titling posts with that line, or the local news outrage over the new parking meter failures,
Continue reading You’re Welcome?
Women are to Seattle what cows are to India.
Sound weird? Offensive even?
I know it does. Hear me out, though.
On Thursday night, I ran a quick errand on foot, then walked east on Pike Street. I walked, as I have since childhood, on the right side of the sidewalk.
If you were an urban child from the USA, then this no doubt is what you learned to do as soon as you learned to walk. It’s what my own kids learned as soon as they learned to walk, along with: stand to the right side on escalators,
Continue reading Bitches Be Crazy
I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.
You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off. It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time. Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction. I mean, why help someone else’s economy
Continue reading How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?
I was almost brought to tears of laughter reading this one. Almost.
I present the following article for your reading pleasure, straight from Blabbermouth @ http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/tom-morello-slams-seattle-restaurant-after-being-denied-service/
It seems that Tom Morello, RATM and Audioslave guitarist admired and respected by damn near everyone (including yours truly), dropped by the 5 Point Cafe last Friday night, and encountered our world-renowned Seattle service.
Apparently, he and his friends tried to get a table, and apparently, the bouncer turned them away. The manner in which this all happened is your traditional he-said, she-said, and this being 2014, it all played out on anti-social media.
Continue reading The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw
I passed the Bauhaus block today, and while passing by, I couldn’t help but note the irony.
Newcomers move to Capitol Hill because of places like Bauhaus. Yet, by moving here, they dramatically increase the odds of places like Bauhaus going away. This part of the city has officially reached a point where, in order to absorb more people, existing things have to be traded away.
It’s easy to sort of dismiss anti-growth neighborhood residents as misguided curmudgeons, but there is a very real tradeoff being made these days. The city is undergoing a rapid transformation, and unless the transplant brings
Continue reading Hating the Alien
It’s not often that large corporations do something that I appreciate, in fact, I’m not sure that I can remember a time before this one.
That said, if I’m going to criticize, I have to also give credit where it’s due, and this time, Apple deserves some aforementioned credit.
Last week, Apple decided not to build backdoors into the encryption for its iPhone products beginning with the iPhone 6, and following suit, Google did the same.
Of course, none of this is the result of altruism. Both Apple and Google would re-instate the Holocaust if they thought it would add
Continue reading Thank You, Apple
They’re mad as hell and they’re not, well, okay, they’ll keep taking it, but they’re soo gonna make some more signs.
Ah, climate change. Single-most fashionable cause of the last decade. It’s still going strong, and unlike that “human trafficking” thing that Ashton and Demi got white people worked up about a few years ago, shows no sign of fading out.
By the way, did you ever notice that black people don’t seem to care about global warming?
In fact, it’s sort of intriguing, but much like those other periodic causes, the aforementioned “human trafficking”, “girl’s self-esteem”,
Continue reading A Day at the Fashion Show
I could start, author, and maintain an entire blog about shitty Seattle-tourist drivers, and have enough material for multiple articles daily. Hell, sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what I’m doing now.
It’s difficult to explain to non-Seattleites why the topic of our drivers is such a passionate topic. You just sort of have to live here to understand.
The photos on this page are courtesy of a friend of mine that lives on Bainbridge Island. One of his family members is in Harborview, which means that for the past week, he’s had to commute back and forth through Downtown
Continue reading The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin
I’ve been around the block a few times, but I can say without exaggeration, that I have never in my life seen as much construction as I have seen in Seattle, Washington in 2014.
Look left, there are cranes. Look right, there are cranes. Look at the Space Needle, cranes. The mountains, cranes. Cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes. When one disappears, two more take its place. It’s overwhelming. It’s absolutely incredible.
What does it mean for Seattleites, though?
Is this crane business good? Is it bad?
It depends on who you are. I’m less than thrilled
Continue reading Crane City
“Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kirkland anymore … there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home …”
“Bicyclists should be licensed and required to carry insurance!”, squawked the friend of a friend.
It’s an argument I’ve had an unbelievable number of times, always with a suburban resident, always with a sports fan. Not that I have anything against sports fans, I’ve just come to realize over time that they tend to be loyal to things and ideas which may or may not be supportable with a logical argument.
“Actually, motorcyclists aren’t even required to carry insurance in
Continue reading Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years
Just before 5pm yesterday, I spotted a small protest march making its way up Pike Street.
As they got closer, I could see that they were protesting the state of law enforcement in the USA. They were a diverse mix of protestors, black, white, hipster, suburbanite, middle-eastern, and I was very heartened to see that … even in the absence of a media circus … a small group of people still took time out of their day to stand behind their positions.
I stopped, held out an outstretched thumb pointing upward, and nodded approvingly to each passing protestor. It
Continue reading Unfortunate Sons
The guy who is responsible for serving dead animals to millions of people … abused a dog.
The guy whose company buys products from slaughterhouses, cooks the carcasses of animals which are kept in inhumane conditions, then serves them to you, which you then eat … was mean. To an animal.
And … if I’m reading the headlines correctly … you’re outraged.
Basically what you’re all saying, is that non-video-recorded abuse is not only okay, it’s something that you will gladly pay for so that you can personally enjoy it, and also so that the practice may continue. If it’s caught on
Continue reading So, Let Me Get This Straight …
During yesterday evening’s commute, I noticed a commotion at the ferry dock. When I looked over to see what was going on, it appeared that a half-dozen or so uniformed “agents” had two or three people surrounded. The agents appeared to be Homeland Security, possibly part of the VIPR team, and I believe a State Patrolman was in the mix as well.
“Must be serious”, I thought.
One of the evildoers appeared to be a older woman in a tie-dyed t-shirt, another, a man in only his socks, the third, a middle-aged man.
When I queried one of the dock
Continue reading Feel Safer?
“You know, I like Seattle”, I overheard someone telling a companion, “but I’ve never seen such pedestrian-hostile drivers in my life!”
A friend of mine moved here about two years ago, and shortly after arriving, he made a similar observation. “I’ve never seen anything like this”, he said while motioning to the crosswalk in front of us, “I’ve never seen so many drivers stop in the crosswalk.”
On the way home yesterday, I stopped on Pike Street next to a car which was blatantly parked in the crosswalk.
“What are these white line thingies?”
“Perhaps the car behind them
Continue reading The MEattle Syndrome