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Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Halloween on Capitol Hill

Kids of all ages stay for free @ 3928 1ST AVENUE S, SEATTLE WA 98134

You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.

Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.

Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.

Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.

Happy?

Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason

Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs

Apple Logo

I received this comment earlier today:

You may be interested to know that a class-action is being brought against Apple for faulting GPU’s (again) in the 2011 15 & 17 inch models. Just Google it, we’re highly visible.

The URL provided was: http://action.mbp2011.com

Now, I can’t verify that this is indeed a lawsuit in the works. I only see a link to a petition, not a lawsuit. That said, if only because I really hope it’s true, a lawsuit could still be in the beginning stages. Vet this one if you’re interested.

Even though I am on the side of

Continue reading Possible Apple Class-Action Over Dying GPUs

You’re Welcome?

Can't Have Nice Things Screenshot

On June 10th, 2013, I posted the following:

http://www.seattlerex.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/

 

Since that time, graffiti has appeared all over Seattle with the following message:

Coincidence?

Maybe, but the timing of it all is a little odd.  There is an older cat meme with the phrase, but I can’t find another example in search engines using: “can’t have nice things” +graffiti .

Perhaps it’s the same kind of “coincidence” as the tourism bureau’s “Only in Seattle” campaign that was borne after I’d spent a month titling posts with that line, or the local news outrage over the new parking meter failures,

Continue reading You’re Welcome?

Bitches Be Crazy

Crazy Woman

Women are to Seattle what cows are to India.

Sound weird? Offensive even?

I know it does. Hear me out, though.

On Thursday night, I ran a quick errand on foot, then walked east on Pike Street. I walked, as I have since childhood, on the right side of the sidewalk.

If you were an urban child from the USA, then this no doubt is what you learned to do as soon as you learned to walk. It’s what my own kids learned as soon as they learned to walk, along with: stand to the right side on escalators,

Continue reading Bitches Be Crazy

How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Gourmet Caramel Apple

I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.

You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off.  It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time.  Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction.  I mean, why help someone else’s economy

Continue reading How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw

Seattle Customer Service

I was almost brought to tears of laughter reading this one. Almost.

I present the following article for your reading pleasure, straight from Blabbermouth @ http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/tom-morello-slams-seattle-restaurant-after-being-denied-service/

It seems that Tom Morello, RATM and Audioslave guitarist admired and respected by damn near everyone (including yours truly), dropped by the 5 Point Cafe last Friday night, and encountered our world-renowned Seattle service.

Apparently, he and his friends tried to get a table, and apparently, the bouncer turned them away.  The manner in which this all happened is your traditional he-said, she-said, and this being 2014, it all played out on anti-social media.

Tom

Continue reading The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw

Hating the Alien

Bauhaus Block Construction

I passed the Bauhaus block today, and while passing by, I couldn’t help but note the irony.

Newcomers move to Capitol Hill because of places like Bauhaus.  Yet, by moving here, they dramatically increase the odds of places like Bauhaus going away.  This part of the city has officially reached a point where, in order to absorb more people, existing things have to be traded away.

It’s easy to sort of dismiss anti-growth neighborhood residents as misguided curmudgeons, but there is a very real tradeoff being made these days.  The city is undergoing a rapid transformation, and unless the transplant brings

Continue reading Hating the Alien

Thank You, Apple

Orwellian Government

It’s not often that large corporations do something that I appreciate, in fact, I’m not sure that I can remember a time before this one.

That said, if I’m going to criticize, I have to also give credit where it’s due, and this time, Apple deserves some aforementioned credit.

Last week, Apple decided not to build backdoors into the encryption for its iPhone products beginning with the iPhone 6, and following suit, Google did the same.

Of course, none of this is the result of altruism.  Both Apple and Google would re-instate the Holocaust if they thought it would add

Continue reading Thank You, Apple

A Day at the Fashion Show

No Pipeline

They’re mad as hell and they’re not, well, okay, they’ll keep taking it, but they’re soo gonna make some more signs.

Ah, climate change. Single-most fashionable cause of the last decade. It’s still going strong, and unlike that “human trafficking” thing that Ashton and Demi got white people worked up about a few years ago, shows no sign of fading out.

By the way, did you ever notice that black people don’t seem to care about global warming?

Hispanics either.

In fact, it’s sort of intriguing, but much like those other periodic causes, the aforementioned “human trafficking”, “girl’s self-esteem”,

Continue reading A Day at the Fashion Show

The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Wrong-Way Seattle Driver

I could start, author, and maintain an entire blog about shitty Seattle-tourist drivers, and have enough material for multiple articles daily. Hell, sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what I’m doing now.

It’s difficult to explain to non-Seattleites why the topic of our drivers is such a passionate topic.  You just sort of have to live here to understand.

The photos on this page are courtesy of a friend of mine that lives on Bainbridge Island.  One of his family members is in Harborview, which means that for the past week, he’s had to commute back and forth through Downtown

Continue reading The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Crane City

Construction Cranes from SLU Park

I’ve been around the block a few times, but I can say without exaggeration, that I have never in my life seen as much construction as I have seen in Seattle, Washington in 2014.

Look left, there are cranes.  Look right, there are cranes.  Look at the Space Needle, cranes.  The mountains, cranes.  Cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes.  When one disappears, two more take its place.  It’s overwhelming. It’s absolutely incredible.

What does it mean for Seattleites, though?

Is this crane business good?  Is it bad?

It depends on who you are.  I’m less than thrilled

Continue reading Crane City

Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years

Driver Nearly Running Over Pedestrians

“Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kirkland anymore … there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home …”

“Bicyclists should be licensed and required to carry insurance!”, squawked the friend of a friend.

It’s an argument I’ve had an unbelievable number of times, always with a suburban resident, always with a sports fan. Not that I have anything against sports fans, I’ve just come to realize over time that they tend to be loyal to things and ideas which may or may not be supportable with a logical argument.

“Actually, motorcyclists aren’t even required to carry insurance in

Continue reading Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years

Unfortunate Sons

Police Abuse Protest on Pike Street

Just before 5pm yesterday, I spotted a small protest march making its way up Pike Street.

As they got closer, I could see that they were protesting the state of law enforcement in the USA. They were a diverse mix of protestors, black, white, hipster, suburbanite, middle-eastern, and I was very heartened to see that … even in the absence of a media circus … a small group of people still took time out of their day to stand behind their positions.

I stopped, held out an outstretched thumb pointing upward, and nodded approvingly to each passing protestor. It

Continue reading Unfortunate Sons

So, Let Me Get This Straight …

KOMO Dog Abuse Headline

The guy who is responsible for serving dead animals to millions of people … abused a dog.

The guy whose company buys products from slaughterhouses, cooks the carcasses of animals which are kept in inhumane conditions, then serves them to you, which you then eat … was mean.  To an animal.

And … if I’m reading the headlines correctly … you’re outraged.

Basically what you’re all saying, is that non-video-recorded abuse is not only okay, it’s something that you will gladly pay for so that you can personally enjoy it, and also so that the practice may continue.  If it’s caught on

Continue reading So, Let Me Get This Straight …

Feel Safer?

Ferry Dock Security

During yesterday evening’s commute, I noticed a commotion at the ferry dock. When I looked over to see what was going on, it appeared that a half-dozen or so uniformed “agents” had two or three people surrounded. The agents appeared to be Homeland Security, possibly part of the VIPR team, and I believe a State Patrolman was in the mix as well.

“Must be serious”, I thought.

One of the evildoers appeared to be a older woman in a tie-dyed t-shirt, another, a man in only his socks, the third, a middle-aged man.

When I queried one of the dock

Continue reading Feel Safer?

The MEattle Syndrome

Wrong Way Walker

“You know, I like Seattle”, I overheard someone telling a companion, “but I’ve never seen such pedestrian-hostile drivers in my life!”

A friend of mine moved here about two years ago, and shortly after arriving, he made a similar observation. “I’ve never seen anything like this”, he said while motioning to the crosswalk in front of us, “I’ve never seen so many drivers stop in the crosswalk.”

On the way home yesterday, I stopped on Pike Street next to a car which was blatantly parked in the crosswalk.

“What are these white line thingies?”

“Perhaps the car behind them

Continue reading The MEattle Syndrome

You Might Be From The Suburbs …

Please Dont Ticket Car

 

Seattle.  A city comprised of 600,000 transplanted suburbanites. More passive-aggressive notes per square mile than all other cities in the USA combined.

I encountered the above notes today while walking on the same block.  The same block!

*sigh*

It looks like it’s time for another installment of “Seattle Rex’s Suburbanite Education Series”.  This one will be brief.

Dear Neighbors from Outer Culdesacia, I have a few tips to make your staycation more enjoyable, not just for yourself, but for everyone.

One note is passive-aggressive.  Two notes is obsessive-compulsive.  That was a comment, not a tip.  Here we

Continue reading You Might Be From The Suburbs …

Most Science-less Conversation Ever

Falun Gong vs. Christianity

 

Dear Women of Seattle, No Really!

Le Parisienne Storefront w Paranoid Woman

Not long ago I wrote about my experiences with the pathologically narcissistic women of the Pacific Northwest.  I took a little heat, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … I’d rather be right than popular.  And I am.

Case in point …

Yesterday, I stopped at La Parisienne in Belltown to get some things to take home, and while waiting, I decided to get a storefront shot for a later review.  Here it is:

Alright, it’s nothing special, but it’s my picture and I’m happy with it.

As I’m setting up, not even in shooting

Continue reading Dear Women of Seattle, No Really!

The Least Shocking News Ever Reported

Climate Change Proponents Use More Electricity

Remember, you heard it here first.

And second.

And third.

And a bunch of other times too.

As a lifelong student of human psychology, I’ve always been fascinated with the way that people justify hypocrisy to themselves.  The conclusion I’ve reached is that people know they’re full of shit, they just generally don’t care.

Everybody wrings their hands about Global Warming, but they do so purely for their own self-interest, not because they give a damn about the planet or anyone on it. They would just as vocally ridicule Global Warming if they thought for a microsecond that it was the

Continue reading The Least Shocking News Ever Reported

SPD Releases SoDo Light Rail Shooting Video

SoDo Shooting Video Screenshot

On June 30th, unarmed light rail fare enforcement officers got into an argument with two men who allegedly did not have proof of fare payment.

The passengers, Oscar Perez Giron and Mario Parra Cetina, were removed from the train at the SoDo Station, and a King’s County Sheriff’s Deputy arrived soon thereafter.

A few minutes later, an altercation ensued, at which point Giron was shot by the deputy.  Supposedly, Giron pulled a gun during the altercation, which he appears to do in the video, although it’s sort of hard to see.

What I don’t understand, is why if Giron

Continue reading SPD Releases SoDo Light Rail Shooting Video

Seattle Gay Pride 2014

The 2012 Seattle Gay Pride Parade

Stereotypes? What Stereotypes? I don’t see any stereotypes?

Did you know that cherry trees only produce fruit after a long cold-spell?

It’s true.  This is why cherries grow in British Columbia, but don’t grow in the tropics.

You see, the cherry tree is extremely averse to procreating in autumn, because it “knows” that its offspring will not survive the winter.  In order to improve the odds of its species’ survival, the cherry tree waits until after cold weather passes before procreating.

Survival of the species.  It’s one of the strongest instincts on earth.  It’s so strong that it’s even

Continue reading Seattle Gay Pride 2014

Dear Women of Seattle, We’re Not All Looking At You. Regards, Rex

Radio-Controlled Helicopter

Whenever Seattle makes the national news, it’s never for something good, and this week was no exception.

Apparently, a woman who lives in a building about a block from my own, looked out the window this week, and when she did so, she spotted a radio controlled helicopter.  As it turns out, this radio-controlled helicopter had cameras attached to it, as many do these days … even the $199 RC helicopters from Toys R Us.

Upon spotting this RC device, or “drone” as she called it, the woman naturally assumed that it had been launched with the sole intent

Continue reading Dear Women of Seattle, We’re Not All Looking At You. Regards, Rex

City Council Says “Oink”

Seattle City Council on a Pig's Ass

The phony liberals on the Seattle City Council are once again showing the voters what gullible, idiotic, pretentious fuckbags they are.  “We are”, I should say, although nobody I vote for ever gets elected.

On Wednesday, the City Council, spurred by fraud-in-charge Mayor Ed Murray voted to raise the salary of Seattle City Light’s general manager, Jorge (pronounced “Whore, Hey!”) Carrasco, from $250,000/year to $364,000/year.

In other news, thousands of mentally ill people still call Seattle’s streets “home”.  In yet another unanimous vote, the Seattle City Council voted to “give the stupid retards nothing”, while publicly pretending to care

Continue reading City Council Says “Oink”

The Answer

Bald Eagle in the Puget Sound

WARNING! Before I go any further, it is very important that readers from California use this link to view the current article.  There is a known virus going around which, for some reason, only targets computers with a geolocated California IP address.  Because of this, I’ve created a section of the website which has neutralized this threat.  Failure to use this link from California may result in rapid virus propagation, inflicting all nearby computers with malware and all kinds of other badness.  Again, Californians, please use this link:

California version of this blog post

 

“Why do you

Continue reading The Answer

Still Shameless After All These Years

iOS 8 Multiple Windows

“I can’t believe that people aren’t rallying in the streets over how cool this is!”

I said these exact words yesterday while showing a friend my new 12.2″ Galaxy Note Pro.

While the Android platform has its issues, myself being one of its harshest critics, the multiple-window multitasking I found in the new tablet was beyond cool.  It was, quite frankly, the most awesome feature I’ve discovered since I began using Android about 5 years ago.  The ability to literally draw a square, and have a new application pop into that square, all without disrupting the current application, is just badass.

Continue reading Still Shameless After All These Years

Sued by the SPD

SPD Dashcam Abuse

“Why is the SPD always involved in controversy?”

I was asked this question about a month ago by someone visiting the city. They were both concerned and intrigued by the amount of national notoriety our police force has received, especially given the fact that Seattle is not a particularly large city.

I explained to them that less than 20% of SPD officers live in the city. I explained that the overwhelming majority of them are suburbanites and ruralites, tasked to police an environment and a people with which they have little off-duty familiarity. When you throw in the fact that

Continue reading Sued by the SPD

Evolution Aborted

Hula Hooping Wedding Dress Guy in Cal Anderson Park

Chronological Adults in Cal Anderson Park

My kid just came back from a birthday party, and I am perplexed.

The party was cool enough, and everyone seemed to have fun, however, when my daughter began recounting her experiences during the ‘games’ portion of the party, I thought she was putting me on.

“We played games for about two hours.”, she said.

“Cool, how did you do?”, I asked.

“Well, everyone did the same.”, she replied as she rolled her eyes.

She told me about the egg and spoon race, where each child had to race around a course while

Continue reading Evolution Aborted

The City Council Votes to Annihilate the Working-Class. Again.

Raise Minimum Wage to $15 Rally in Westlake Park

Raise Minimum Wage to $15 Rally in Westlake Park

If you think it’s expensive to live in Seattle now, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

In perhaps the single largest repayment of bribes Seattle has ever seen, today, the City Council KY-ed the sphincter of every middle-and-lower-class Seattleite, bent them over, and spread their cheeks wider than the town’s ever-growing income gap.

Oh yes, my fellow middle-class urbanites, we’re about to get loved from the backside by every hipster hotel builder from here to Timbuktu, and it’s only going to be about half as fun as it sounds.

In a unanimous

Continue reading The City Council Votes to Annihilate the Working-Class. Again.

Subjugation on the Sound

Coast Guard Gun Boat

“Oh my God”, said the teenaged tourist girl, “what’s going on? What’s happening?”

I looked up from my computer, and noticed that she was looking out of the window with concern. Curious, I looked out of the window as well, and that’s when I spotted the object of her fear.

Coast Guard Gun Boat on the Puget Sound

It was small inflatable boat with a comically-large gun mounted on the front. Behind the gun was a person standing with his finger on the trigger, ready to annihilate … a fish? an orca? a kayaker? a drunken tourist on an

Continue reading Subjugation on the Sound