July 2015
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Ruh Roh! Seattle Rex Was Right

Confederate Flag Distraction

Oh dear, this is not good, no not good at all.

First we have people openly dissenting at 4th & Pine, and now black folks are failing to hail the Corporate Elite Party as saviors for nixing the confederate flag.


Maybe they noticed Democrats trying to sell them out after all.

Pffft, and you elitists assumed they were all too busy doing whatever stereotypical things that black people do.  Such as not reading.

They have been, though.

That’s right, while you guys have been pandering to the gentrifiers, wringing your hands over how to make well-off whites feel

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Conformity Wins


Isn’t it great?

Isn’t it great to be one of the herd?  Moo’ing in unison, bathing in the affirmations and attaboys of millions of your peers?

Why it’s positively intoxicating!

OHMYGOD there’s even a hashtag.  There’s always a hashtag.  This time, it’s #lovewins

How beautiful.  Doesn’t that make you feel good?  Love winning?  Love overcoming all barriers placed before it, and emerging victorious!  GOD feel those neurotransmitters plugging in and giving you the warm and fuzzies.  That right there is why they don’t want you to do drugs.  If you get that feeling from anywhere else, you might be

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Rainbow Crosswalks and the Gay Stereotype Parade

Rainbow Crosswalks in Pike Pine

Homophobic woman

Yoo-hoo, guess who’s got the gayest crosswalks in all the land?

A different color for everyone who’s been hit in the crosswalk this week

Just your friendly hourly reminder that Seattle supports gay stuff.  Hey, did you know that Seattle supports gay stuff? We also support the gay community. And lesbians.  And transgenders and people with carbonite penises. Anyway, we think you should know that Seattle supports the gays, and the gay community, and the LGBTASHWKEJWKQOUSGHZ communty, of which gays are a part.  Speaking of gays, I think it should be noted that Seattle supports

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Nouns, Motherfucker! We Got Nouns! And Prepositions Too, Biyiyatch!

School to Prison Graffiti

Upper-Middle-Class Caucasians love their slogans.  Boy oh boy do they love their slogans.  Especially ones written on walls in random places.

Much like pissy notes on car windshields, a phenomenon as inextricably linked with Seattle as winter rain, scrawled slogans don’t require the person throwing the hissy fit to be physically present.  While directing their anger toward another person or group, it allows him/her to remain anonymous, thus completely avoiding any repercussions for their display of anger.

Good God, could any one thing be more perfect for Seattle?

Probably not.

And so, it comes as little surprise that our

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Emperor Cited for Indecent Exposure at 4th & Pine

Protest at 4th & Pine

This afternoon, during rush hour, a hundred or so people blocked the intersection of 4th & Pine Streets to protest something I couldn’t completely figure out.

I saw a few “black lives matter” (but not enough to keep us protestors from gentrifying them out of Seattle) signs, a couple “Radical Women of Color” signs … I kept picturing Jeff Spicoli saying “Radical! Women of color!”, and some other signs promoting ideas that the protestors don’t actually want … such as socialism. Trust me, the last thing any of these people want is for the playing field of classism to be leveled.  I

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A Tale of Two Cities

Cops Rousting Tents from Homeless from Tents

This week, the Seattle Police Department repeatedly removed low-income and homeless campers from their adopted spot next to the I-5 express lanes, just off of Pike Street.

This is a strip of land in an area in which nobody lives, walks, nor does anything. Much like rude-yet-perfectly-legal comments, however, the site of poor people upsets the demographic to which Mayor Ed Murray repeatedly panders, which means that the poor people must go.

And so they did. A group of nearly a dozen cops walked up and down this strip of land, searching each tent, then kicking out the occupants.


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Parent of the Year

Parent of the Year Gets Bitten

I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when I heard a blood-curdling scream.


I looked ahead of me, and the sound was coming from a kid, two maybe three years old. He was riding in a stroller that looked like a car, and his mother was trying to take him out of it.

Alas, he did not want to leave the car-stroller thing, and since this is 2015, he did not hold back in conveying his preferences.

“That’s odd”, I thought, “I’ve never seen a self-centered child under the age of 23 in Seattle.

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What I’ve Learned After 2 Weeks of Cat Ownership

I promise the nail clipping won't hurt.  The decapitation on the other hand is gonna hurt like hell you little fucker.

No!  What did Daddy say about articulation? It’s THis! With a ‘TH’!  I’m taking the whole toe now you illiterate little fuck!

I’ve had cats before, but it’s been awhile since my last one.

This being the case, and since I like being nice to animals, I’ve spent some time reading about how to raise cats.

After a couple of weeks of doing so, I’ve come to one conclusion that I consider, frankly, factual.

That conclusion, is that cat owners are, for the most part, insane. Just straight up crazy. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

See, I thought dog owners

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Test Your Seattle IQ

A Seattle Parking Space

Q. What do you call the painted lines at city intersections where pedestrians are designated to walk?

A. Parking Spaces

When a friend of mine moved here about 3 years ago, this was one of the first things he mentioned.

“What’s the deal with the crosswalks? Cars always wait in them.  I’ve never seen that before.”

He’s used to it now.

Of course, if you say anything to these drivers, they’re outraged.  Absolutely outraged by your rudeness.  They don’t see what the big deal is.

Oh, and would it surprise you to learn that, when the shoe is on

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Blocked by My Mayor

Blocked by Ed Murray

After being down for a day last month throughout Seattle, being down several times since, and once again … being down most of today, I decided to tweet the Mayor to express my disappointment that he’s presided over the most precipitous drop in Seattle Internet service, probably ever.

As one who makes a living through those connections, it really hurts. In some cases, kind of badly.

Ed Murray didn’t want to hear about my problems, though.

Don’t believe me?


No, my friends, your eyes do not deceive you, I’ve been unfriended by my own Mayor.

It is the

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