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Brown Bags and Banned Citizens: Seattle’s Insanity Explained

Seattleite Border Collies

Being a Seattleite can be tough sometimes.

While Seattle enjoys a generally positive image from a technical and business perspective, we suffer a fair amount of ridicule when it comes to, well, just about everything else. Unfortunately, as a mostly-underground-yet-marginally-known “blogger” in this town, I am often called to answer for some of our more ridiculous exploits.

Everytime a national news story breaks about something stupid we’ve done, I brace for the inevitable. A predictable string of emails sent either to inform me of what has happened, seek comment on what has happened, or simply to deride me as

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I Hate You

Seattleites

“Gimme, gimme, me, me, it’s mine all mine!”

If the State of Washington had a moto, that’s what it would be.

I don’t think that any sane person would disagree that Seattleites set an unparalleled standard for self-centricity. A standard of self-centricity which is shocking. I don’t mean that lightly. The self-centered nature of the typical Seattleite shocks the conscious. I, on many occasions, stand and marvel, mouth agape, stunned by the complete and utter self-absorption that I see on a daily basis. In my mind, that the average person on the streets of Seattle feels that they are

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A Woman’s Prerogative

Typical Seattle Male

Women are indecisive creatures. Fickle beasts, unable to make up their minds. Emotional, untrustworthy people, unwilling and unable to take responsibility for anything.

These were (some of) the stereotypes prior to 1970. Thank goodness the feminist movement has dispelled such notions by showing everyone the errors of their ways. Or … barring that, has at least frightened and intimidated everyone into at least pretending that those stereotypes are the result of some evil sexist plot.

A couple of weeks ago, a woman named Danielle Campoamor wrote an op-ed in the Seattle Times complaining about the timid-ness of Seattle men. In

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The Greater of Two Evils

Olympia - Women in Black

Everyone I meet in my day-to-day life assumes that I am a Democrat.

It’s a fair assumption, I suppose. After all, I’m an atheist, I have a bleeding-heart on most social issues, I believe in universal healthcare, I’m anti-large corporation, I’ve been a champion of gay rights, I believe in the legalization of all drugs, the legalization of prostitution, and I’m (with some reservations) pro-abortion. Sounds like a pretty solid Democrat, eh?

This being the case, most people find it quite surprising when I tell them that I would never, ever, EVER, vote for a Democrat. In fact,

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Everybody’s a Critic

Giraffe Pissing

I have a very difficult relationship with my blog. I always have. It’s a love/hate relationship if ever there was one.

Lately, however, it’s been more hate than love, and a couple of months ago, I seriously considered hitting the almighty ‘delete’ key and putting the Internet out of its misery. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Each time I went back and read one of my posts, I always thought “man, what a self-important, narcissistic, negative, misanthropic, whiny piece of shit.”

All I ever do on this thing is complain.

Clearly, life

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Seattle Rex vs. Apple: The Verdict Is In

Apple Logo

A few years ago, Apple sold me a $4,000 computer with a defective graphics chip/logic board. The defective part was the Nvidia 8600M GT GPU, and when it was discovered that the machine was defective, Apple refused to take it back and issue me a refund. Instead, they promised to replace the 8600M GT boards when they failed, up to 4 years from the date of purchase.

Three years later, the board failed, and predictably, Apple refused to replace it. Instead, they used the fact that the machine wouldn’t boot (due to the failed logic board) to deny

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Bee Girl Finds Her Hive at Sakura-Con 2012

Bee Girl

My memories of elementary school are not fond ones.

For a few reasons, I had trouble relating to other kids my age. I still remember a comment from one of my report cards which read “Gets along well with adults, but does not get along with other children.”

After a particularly unpleasant semester, a semester that saw my grades and attendance compete with each other for atrocity, the principal of my school thought it might be helpful for me to take an IQ test. I can’t say for sure, but I think the expectation was that the results would

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The Worst Drivers in America. A Dissertation.

Gridlock on Bridge

Even though Rick Santorum and 98% of Texans claims that it’s un-American to do so, in my opinion, when a man is wrong, he should apologize.

With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to formally and publicly apologize to the people of Las Vegas.

You see, once upon a time, I bestowed the title of “Worst Drivers in America” upon the people of that city, and I’m here to tell you that I was wrrrrrrrrrr. I was wrrrrrrrrrr. I … express regret that my words may have been less than accurate.

Over the past few months,

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The Triumphant Return of Lesser Seattle and the KBO

Lesser Seattle - Go Back to California

On Sunday morning, I was awakened at 3:00am by a ringing phone.

“Who in the hell is calling me this early in the morning?!”, I mumbled.

I grabbed my EVO, looked at the screen, and noticed that the call was coming from “Unknown Location”. Confused, I pressed the answer button, and screamed “Who is it?!!”

“Is this Seattle Rex?”, asked the caller.

“Yeah, who the hell is this?”, I replied.

“Rex, this is Emmett Watson”, came the answer.

I thought for a moment … Emmett Watson … Emmett Watson … Emmett Watson … I only knew one.

“Emmett Watson? The

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Rest in Peace, “Chris”

Seattle Skyline

For a few months in 2011, I had a regular customer named Chris.

Chris was an interesting guy, an unusual guy, and a sometimes pathetic guy. A veteran of the first Iraq war, Chris reminded me of that character on The Simpsons. You know the one, the surly Army Surplus store owner with a missing arm. Chris had all of his limbs, but in all other respects, they were the same. Hell, they even looked eerily alike.

As a veteran, Chris drew some money from the military. It was a small amount of money, but it was enough

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Seattle Sucks

Downtown Seattle

Downtown Seattle

“Man, what’s the deal with your blog?”

I was not prepared for this question. It sounded hostile when it came out of his mouth, but I was sure that I had misunderstood the tone. After all, I am Seattle Rex, and if there is one thing on which everyone agrees, it is that Seattle Rex is universally loved throughout the Pacific Northwest.

“Um, what do you mean?”, I asked, hoping to clarify what he meant (did I choose the right words or what?).

“You know, I drop by that thing a couple times a week, and every

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About a Bridge. (and some other stuff too)

Young Street Bridge

I love Aberdeen, Washington, or as I call it, Far West Virginia. I always have. At one point, I almost moved there.

Grays Harbor certainly has its problems, economic depression being the primary one, but it has one of the lowest costs of living in the USA, and the best climate in North America (83 inches of rain to Seattle’s 37). Most of all, the place is real.

People in Aberdeen don’t buy $50 flannel shirts from Capitol Hill thrift shops because it’s fashionable. They buy $8 flannel shirts from Aberdeen thrift shops because it’s cheap and durable. If

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Pike Place Market

Pike Place Market in Downtown Seattle

After hanging out at the Broadway Farmer’s Market yesterday, I turned right on Pike Street and walked the short mile to my other official “home” market: Pike Place Market.

Pike Place Market in Downtown Seattle

Pike Place Market Sign

Pike Place Market in Downtown Seattle

Pike Place Market – Rachel the Pig

Pike Place Market – Pigeon Cruising the Market on Foot

Pike Place Market – Rachel the Pig

Yesterday, Pike Place was hopping. It was Mother’s Day and “Flower Fest” was in full bloom (corny pun intended), and it was hard to look

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Sleepless in Seattle

Capitol Hill, Seattle

Not long ago, the primary news source for Capitol Hill, the Capitol Hill Blog, ran a story about a man named “Joe”.

You see, Joe is a man who lives in Pike/Pine, and Joe is upset that a nearby nightclub (The Baltic Room) has been increasing their noise level over the months. To try and solve his problem, Joe has called the police on several occasions, and the SPD has been trying to mediate the dispute.

Frankly, I enjoyed the CHS Blog article. It was well-written and informative. Where things really got interesting, though, was in the comments section of

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The Columbia Tower Observation Deck

Panoramic View from the Columbia Center Sky View Observatory

Downtown Seattle – Columbia Tower

Built in 1985, the Columbia Center is the 7th tallest building in the USA, and at 932 feet, it is the tallest building in the entire Pacific Northwest. The building has 76 floors, 46 elevators, and the antennas on the roof bring the total height to 967′.

While the Space Needle is Seattle’s Statue of Liberty, the Columbia Center is our Sears Tower. Our Empire State Building. It’s the centerpiece of the best skyline in the solar system. It’s the first thing you see when you approach Seattle, and the last thing you see

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A Seattle Top 10

Seattle Skyline from Kerry Park

I was surfing YouTube a few minutes ago, and I stumbled across a video from Internet Celebrity Chris Pirillo, fellow resident of the “Seattle Area” (I’m not sure if he lives in Seattle proper or not).

In it, he gives his “Top 10 Things to Do in Seattle”, which I have transcribed as follows:

1: Fremont Troll 2: Olympic Sculpture Park/Gas Works Park 3: EMP/Sci Fi Museum 4: XXX Root Beer Drive-In 5: Bruce Lee Grave Site 6: Seattle Bug Safari 7: Argosy Harbor/Ride The Ducks 8: Pike Place Market 9: Seattle Asian Art Museum/SAM 10: Seattle Museum of the

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The Death of OS X

My MacBook in Seattle

Okay, so OS X isn’t going anywhere, but it’s dead to me.

I have made a decision, and that decision is … no more Apple computers.

Mind you, this was not an easy decision. Currently, I have 3 Macs (1 iMac and 2 MacBook Pros), and I have devoted a lot of time and energy to the platform.

My MacBook in Seattle

Yesterday, however, I realized that a change needed to be made. For the last two or three years, Apple has put their computer operating systems on the backburner while they focused on iOS, and this lack of

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