I see you’ve found our planet, or at least what’s left of it.
In case you were wondering, our species died off when every male age 16-67 stopped pursuing the nappy snappy, and began pursuing Pokemon. Not that anyone of our time blamed them, I mean, if hitting the luscious hoo-haa meant that you’d have to wear one of these, Pikachu would start looking pretty good to you too.
Oh sure, history has always had its share of guys with Peter Pan syndrome, but when businesses started openly encouraging the phenomenon, our extinction was virtually assured.
So sorry nobody
Continue reading Dear Space Aliens in the Year 5720
Schoolbus Stuck on Terry Avenue Hill
And you thought you were having a bad day.
The woman driving this vehicle was standing outside of the bus talking on her cellphone when I walked by.
“I saw smoke coming from the hood, and then the bus stopped”, she was explaining.
Now, I didn’t hear the entire conversation, but if she was trying to say what I think she was trying to say … that this happened because of an engine malfunction … well … nah …. nobody’s that shameless, right?
I’m sure it all made sense in context.
Continue reading Ooops
On one hand, I don’t like to see people’s property vandalized. I’m an empathetic human-being and I don’t enjoy seeing harm, or even disappointment, inflicted upon other people. It makes me as sad as the next person, probably even more so.
On the other hand, especially in recent years, guests to Seattle have increasingly been made up of selfish assholes. People who, with little regard for the natives, ignore any and all traffic laws, drive dangerously, and lay on their horns at 6am.
These are also the people who park in every, single, solitary crosswalk in town,
Continue reading Welcome to Seattle. Now Go Home.
They say you can buy anything on the Internet.
Some of those things should clearly be free.
Rare are the times one glances out the window of a city bus and spots a goat on the hood of a Ford Minivan. Unless that bus happens to be meandering through the backroads of West by-God Virginia, or, apparently, Seattle, Washington.
The goat was on the sidewalk when I first spotted him, and he jumped on the minivan as the bus rumbled by. I sure hope it was his van.
I use the male pronoun for the goat only because it had relatively large horns. Everyone knows that gender is a societal construct, though, at least everyone in
Continue reading Only in Seattle …….. aaaand Maybe West Virginia
Some people buy the best, most powerful technology that money can buy … then proceed to spend the day posting to Facebook.
I, on the other hand, am an innovator; a creator; and I need the best technology that money can buy, because my creative aspirations already exceed what can be accomplished by modern technology.
For instance, when most people sit on the crapper at midnight, they check Twitter, or Instagram, or some other me-too social media ghetto.
See, even when I’m just killing time, I am pushing the envelope of what’s possible …
Continue reading Life on the Cutting Edge
Even though it’s 2016, I still spend a significant portion of my day in the terminal, going back and forth between OS X and 1,000+ Linux machines.
When I open a new window, it’s more likely to be a Tmux window than one in a GUI program, and when it comes to managing packages, I either compile them myself, or install them via Apt-Get, Yum, or my current go-to package manager on OSX … Homebrew.
As far as package managers go, Homebrew is pretty cool, and it’s exposed me to a fair amount of software that I wasn’t even
Continue reading Isn’t Technology Wonderful?
Never mind, the wet sign lying in a puddle of dirty water tells us all we need to know about the results of this test.
Not that we needed a test to tell us anything. Seattle is a town where dogs go to daycare, people live on the streets, the Mayor wages endless war against the poor, and 80% of the residents belong to the political party that fought a war to preserve slavery.
I mean, really, brother, what did you expect?
“Not fair! That was a long time ago, Rex, the Democratic Party of today is much different
Continue reading So, How’d The Test Go?
This Paris thing really has legs, and if Generation Y has taught me anything, it’s that one can ill-afford to miss an opportunity to make things about themselves.
So, while I have your attention, I feel compelled to tell you that my thoughts are with the people of Paris, and this ostensibly should make the people of Paris feel better, because when I think about someone, it’s very flattering to them, and it gives them a sense of comfort that they wouldn’t have otherwise had, had I thought of, say, a gender-fluid UW student who only has two bathroom
Continue reading All Aboard!