On the boat to work this morning, I spotted what looked like two birds playing.
When I walked to the railing and looked more intently, I realized that they were not playing at all. Instead, a bald eagle was chasing a pigeon, and the pigeon was doing everything it could to avoid being caught, including pulling off some pretty badass acrobatics.
I watched for about 45 seconds as the pigeon evaded its captor, and then a strange thing happened: A second bald eagle swooped in out of nowhere, and assisted the first eagle in the hunt. The two eagles,
Continue reading Bald Cannibals
Hey everyone, guess what this is?
Continue reading Random Thought: Holiday Edition
Maybe next year you should go to Portland, though.
Either that or leave the Accura SUV thing back at home.
I feel conflicted when I see scenes like this, and for whatever reason, I’m starting to see it more often.
When I see these things, part of me feels bad for the owner … but I’m not going to lie … another part of me feels like smashing the other windows out.
Several motorcyclists have been killed in the past couple of months, and in the past three days alone, I’ve personally witnessed several near-misses
Continue reading Happy Thanksgiving from Seattle
Penn Jillette once said that agnostics are simply atheists who are cowards, and before I witnessed him getting teabagged by Donald Trump on “The Apprentice”, I actually respected Penn Jillette’s opinion.
Atheist simply means without theism, which is the belief in one God as the creator and ruler of the universe.
An agnostic is a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena.
Using the dictionary definitions of the word, Agnosticism is probably closer to my opinions, although, strictly speaking, they are kind of
Continue reading Seattle Rex On Religion and Personal Hygiene
*** Posted remotely from my Android ***
This will have to do for a wireless post while waiting for a light.
Last month, my daughter mentioned that her computer was having trouble playing some newer 3D game titles.
“See, this is why all the cool Seattle parents are having dogs …”, I said to my wife, “… but still, I’d rather buy my kids new stuff than follow them around, putting their shit in a sandwich bag.”
The next day, I surfed over to Newegg and plunked down a few hundred bucks for a new graphics card.
See, my daughter may get pregnant at 15; might go on the pole to support a black tar habit; might become some bulldyke’s old
Continue reading Father of the Year
New York City
Continue reading Graffiti of the USA
Rural City Coffee?
Urban Country Coffee?
Alas, I think this place is closed now. Out of curiousity, I checked out their website, and it’s still around, although it seems they are now located in that bastion of urban city-ness known as Lynnwood.
I don’t really blame them. I can’t imagine that business was viable on Mercer for the past couple of years, what with the construction and all.
Still … Lynnwood?
Continue reading As Opposed To …
Ladies and Gentleman,
I give you …
Bob Marley …
Sailboats on Lake Union – August 20, 2013 7:50pm
About operating a wind-powered vessel on a body of water?
Were he to write a song about it, I wonder what might it go like?
I envision something like this:
Straight outta Texas, crazy muthafucka named Chris Cross; Fuckin’ divas like Mariah and Diana Ross; Bust a nut while a bitch is givin’ deep throat; Then I head to Lake Union in my sailboat.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how it would go.
Continue reading What Would Christopher Cross Think?
Suppose a Seattle billionaire builds a room on his lavish Magnolia estate, and in that room, on one of the walls, is a panel.
On that panel, is 1000 buttons.
Now, let’s say the billionaire is an overall good guy, but does have a very slight dark side.
You see, he wants to help people, while forcing those same people to, in some small way, take a risk in exchange for his help.
Once each year, he holds a lottery where he draws the name of one Seattleite out of a hat, completely at random.
The “winner” of the lottery
Continue reading Luck
So I’m standing outside Neumos last night, waiting for the Melvins to arrive, sticking a slice of Big Mario’s pizza into my face hole, when a van pulls up in front of me.
It’s a white van, fairly non-descript, and I pay it no attention. That is, until, a passenger in the back of the van presses its nose against the window.
“What a homely girl”, I think to myself.
Still, I am a Seattle male, and I knew what my civic duty was, so I promptly formed a “V” with my two front fingers, and stuck my tongue between
Continue reading Only in Seattle
Seattle Rex, in his younger days.
Alright, it’s time to come clean. You see, I haven’t been completely honest.
While I have been categorically stating that catcalling women is not a major problem on the streets of Seattle, and while I’ve been denying my own sexism, I have not been completely forthcoming. The fact of the matter is that I too, am an offender.
That’s right, dear readers, as painful as it is for me to admit … yours truly has, at least on one occasion, victimized the fairer sex.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Wow, what a
Continue reading Coming Clean
Have you ever been riding along in a car, having a conversation with someone, when out of nowhere … your ears pop?
Suddenly, you can hear. You can hear in ways you’ve never heard before. You can hear leaves rustling and birds chirping. You can hear a fly in the back seat, smacking its head against the rear window, desperately trying to get out. You can hear your friend’s voice, and you can hear it in a detail that, until now, did not exist.
It’s as if, out of nowhere, some unseen entity peered through the clouds, saw your
Continue reading Almost Heaven
Sometime in early 2012, Seattle Rex searches for “fuck nba seattle” so that he may link to the surely-existent article.
No such article exists.
No such sentiment exists.
February 2012: Seattle Rex says “Fuck the NBA”. January 2013: Seattle Rex says “Fuck the NBA”. April 2013: Seattle Rex says “Fuck the NBA and Fuck David Stern”. May 2013: The Stranger says “The NBA Can Go Fuck Itself!”, makes a logo, and sells merch. May 2013: Some guy paints “Fuck The NBA” on the side of a Capitol Hill Garage. May 2013: Google says, “Seattle Rex is a biter.”
Continue reading Oh, Won’t You Take a Ride on My Nutsack?
Nobody wants to see a show called “Bankers”.
“Hey, with the check my dad sent me, let’s open up an eatery in one of Seattle’s main tourist attractions, then get all shitty about people with cameras.”
“Sure. My mom says I should be a model anyway, and that people should charge for pictures of me.”
“Cool, my mom says I’m special too.”
“Wanna get a cupcake before dodgeball practice?”
“Yes, I would like that. Just let me take my child, I mean my son, I mean my dog to his play date and I’ll be right there.”
Do you ever wonder what the conversations sound like when
Continue reading Fuck You & You’re Welcome
American Hotel in Chinatown
American Hotel in Chinatown
In an effort to eliminate noise and insincerity from my daily routine, last week, I deleted my Google+ account, Facebook account, Foursquare account, and a few other social media holdovers.
I kept my Twitter account, however, and the reason I did so, was to follow breaking news.
Figuring that I would avoid unnecessary noise by keeping my follow list very small, I stayed under 10 follows by adding only local mainstream news sources.
So, how well is my strategy working?
You be the judge:
Beast Beast Beast
Continue reading The Best Laid Plans
Seattle Center – Snow Day
snow day noun a day on which public schools or other institutions are closed due to heavy snow.
What child doesn’t love a snow day?
A day off from school to play games, build snow men, go sledding … why, it ranks right up there with Christmas for most kids.
Earlier today, my daughter informed me that there was going to be a giant snowball fight at The Space Needle today, and it was going to be part of a larger event called “Snow Day”.
“They’re going to try and break the world record
Continue reading A “Snow Day” in Seattle