May 8, 2013

Goddamn weirdos. Nobody wants to see a show called “Bankers”.

Apr 21, 2013

“Hey, with the check my dad sent me, let’s open up an eatery in one of Seattle’s main tourist attractions, then get all shitty about people with cameras.” “Sure.  My mom says I should be a model anyway, and that people should charge for pictures of me.” “Cool, my mom says I’m special too.” “Wanna get...

Feb 26, 2013

Jan 13, 2013

In an effort to eliminate noise and insincerity from my daily routine, last week, I deleted my Google+ account, Facebook account, Foursquare account, and a few other social media holdovers. I kept my Twitter account, however, and the reason I did so, was to follow breaking news. Figuring that I would avoid unnecessary noise by keeping my follow list very small,...

Jan 12, 2013

snow day noun a day on which public schools or other institutions are closed due to heavy snow. What child doesn’t love a snow day? A day off from school to play games, build snow men, go sledding … why, it ranks right up there with Christmas for most kids. Earlier today, my daughter informed me that there was going to be a giant snowball fight at...

Jan 5, 2013

How cold was it this past week? Cold enough to play basketball on Cal Anderson Park’s water whateveritis thing. For reasons unknown, the basketball was abandoned by its owner, as was an orange (middle-left of last photo). I can just see the 39 year-old kidult throwing it in there while screaming “I took Vitamin C before my dodgeball game last...

Dec 25, 2012

Comcast: Comcast technical support, may I help you? Me: Good evening, my cable modem has lost sync. Comcast: What’s your phone number? Me: 2-0-6-8-6-7-5-3-0-9 Comcast: Give me just a minute. Me: No problem. (a minute later) Comcast: And what operating system are you using? Me: It doesn’t matter. Comcast: Well, we only support Windows and Mac...

“Seasons in the Sun”. It’s been awhile since I heard the old Terry Jacks tune, so I headed over to YouTube this fine Saturday morning, and I pulled up the original 70′s version of the song. Fucking awful, but goddammit, original (even though it is a quasi-cover). When the jewfro version of the song … my parent’s version...

Nov 20, 2012

Almost two years have passed since the M Street Grocery closed its doors, and what does the neighborhood have to show for it? Well gee, boys and girls, why don’t you see for yourself: Greed. The ruin of a once-great nation. “Who cares if this beloved market serves an important need in the neighborhood, we may be able to make more money renting it...

Oct 30, 2012

October 2010: “We think the ten-inch screen size is the minimum size required to create great tablet apps . . . the current crop of seven-inch tablets are going to be DOA–dead on arrival. Their manufacturers will learn the painful lesson that their tablets are too small and increase the size next year, thereby abandoning both customers and developers...

Oct 16, 2012

Brick and mortar stores. With the exception of food, and a few forays to the new Target, I don’t visit them very often. I’ve moved almost all of my shopping online. This past weekend was an exception. On Saturday, I broke yet another guitar string (it’s an epidemic lately), and when I plowed through my cannibalized packets of strings, I had...

Oct 6, 2012

“You’ll get sick of it!”, they tell me, “I promise, you’ll get sick of it quick!” I’m in my sixth month of daily ferry commuting, and honestly, I don’t know that I’d have it any other way. Were my company to offer to move across the street from my home, I don’t know that I’d accept. Twice a day,...

Sep 24, 2012

Parking for 180 vehicles? 180 vehicles??!! Fuck you cocksucking surburban sons of assfucking bitches and your piece of shit poser future tenants. If I didn’t have a small dick and a shy bladder, I’d piss on every last one of you.

Aug 6, 2012

Have you ever seen a Washington State Ferry collide with a pleasure boat? On Friday, I came close to seeing exactly that. Shortly after 6:30pm on Friday, I felt my boat go into reverse-thrust, and when I looked out the front window to see what was going on .. this is what I saw: Apparently, Seattleites are not just shitty...

Jun 30, 2012

Yesterday, the “Seattle Great Wheel” (shouldn’t it be “Great Seattle Wheel”?) opened, and today, I planned on giving it a go myself. Not just for my own amusement, but to satisfy my civic blogging duty by promoting the neighborhood’s newest attraction. Without support from locals, new endeavors face a precarious future. ...

Jun 17, 2012

“Father’s Day”. The cruelest of all fake holidays. The day on which men across the nation are reminded that they are, indeed, motherfuckers. Literally. It’s a day on which we are treated as exactly that. Father’s Day is a day on which men are plied with meals, gifts, and token attention … before being presented with the bill...

May 14, 2012

I love the Broadway Farmer’s Market. Who doesn’t? That being said, if I had to choose between the market, which operates one day per week … and the streetcar, which will operate every day … well, let’s just say that I’m going to need to up my V8 consumption to compensate for the lack of fresh produce. While I sympathize with...

May 8, 2012

After all this time, it’s nice to see that there are places in Pike-Pine that still welcome half-literate pygmy goat fuckers with open arms. Thank you, R Place, for you shall always be my...

May 7, 2012

I never thought much about the Starbucks logo before, but yesterday, I stopped at the “original” (colloquially, at least) Starbucks location, and I realized that the old logo was kind of cool. A topless Melusine (two-tailed mermaid) holding up both tails, beckoning people to consume caffeinated beverages is … at least … weirdly...

May 6, 2012

Come on, guys, what the hell is this all about? “Slut”? “Fuck”? What are you people, eight years old? Oooooh, you wrote a naughty word. You, you, you, rebels! Regardless of my affinity for a business, a closed one at that, I never want to see it vandalized. With the possibile exception of the architecturual abortion planned for Melrose...

May 3, 2012

I should have known that things were a bit screwy when I passed the couple rolling enormous joints. There they sat, a male and a female, on a bench, near the entrance to Freeway Park, rolling big, fat joints from a pile of marijuana about 8 inches high. Have you ever had one of those days when things just seem off? You can’t put your finger on it, but...

Apr 26, 2012

“Well, I’d rather be in a Barstow motel room snorting oxycodone off an Asian hooker’s ass, but this is fun too.” Don’t you hate that moment? You know the one … the “I would liquidate all of my assets and give it all to charity if I could just turn the clock back three seconds” moment. The moment you realize that...

Apr 25, 2012

Today, while walking along Minor Avenue on First Hill, I looked to my right, spotted a bush, and immediately started giggling like a child. I’m so...

Apr 12, 2012

“Hello, 911, yeah, I see a man that looks like a guy I saw in a pencil sketch hanging from a door on Pine Street.” “Yeah, a pencil sketch.” “On Pine Street.” “No, I haven’t been drinking, why do you ask?” Anyway, if you see this guy, call 911. Or give him a Speak & Spell so he can phone...

Apr 6, 2012

Just Un Fucking Believable....