Westlake Park has a new attraction this year.
In addition to the carousel, there’s now a snow globe … a large plastic sphere filled with artificial snow.
While it may be frowned upon, the snow globe has already been the scene of several impromptu snowball fights, instigated by one of the three kids in Seattle who’s not yet on Ritalin.
Consider yourself forewarned.
It’s that time of the 4-year.
Once every four years, we get a new mayor (or recycled old mayor as the case may be), and once every 4 years, Pearl Jam plays Seattle. Seeing as the world strives to achieve balance, I like to think that the latter compensates for the former.
Anyway, it seems like only yesterday that the Mother Love Bone-spinoff known as Mookie Blaylock was playing the Off-Ramp. Who could imagine that, 23 years later, the band would still be together, playing the Coliseum, only now, instead of a basketball player, they’d be named after a
Continue reading Night of the Living Grunge
I have a very long bucket list to complete should I ever be given 6 months or less to live.
Back when I was kid, another kid in New York City stole a subway ‘A’ train, and drove it from Washington Heights to Far Rockaway, making all scheduled stops.
That’s on my list.
Walking from one end of Downtown Seattle to the other, enforcing pedestrian right-of-way laws with a baseball bat is too.
As is dropping urine-balloons from my window on the fresh-out-of-college toddlers who are infesting my building.
Today, a new addition was made …
You see, early this
Continue reading He Took the Ferry. Literally.
That was a quote by a friend of mine this weekend, and she’s right. It doesn’t rain in Seattle anymore. At least not like it used to. Our weather has changed dramatically in the last couple of years.
A semi-permanent high pressure system has set up in the eastern pacific, and this system relents only sporadically. Certainly much less than it used to. The result is extended dry stretches, lasting weeks or even months, interspersed with short bursts of moderate to heavy rain, alternating near-record dry and near-record wet events.
The most notable of those two patterns is the dry
Continue reading “It No Longer Rains in Seattle”
Yeah, you already know, don’t you?
That’s right, Obama is back in town today. He’s here for the same reason he’s been here the last 3 times. To take bribes from ultra-wealthy people. It’s the only reason Obama ever comes to Seattle, I mean, Medina.
Of course, as is always the case with any presidential visit, deception and lies have also accompanied him.
“Nothing charges people up like a presidential visit, it creates tremendous excitement,” said Paul Berendt, who is a former chairman of the Washington State Democratic Party.
“This has really been a critical state for
Continue reading Guess Who’s Back?
A few months ago, I wrote a rant after a particularly trying day, and the replies I got to it were rather rude, if not predictable, and all of them anonymized.
They fell along the following lines of:
“Oh, that never happens”, “Why I haven’t I see it?”, “I ride the ferry all the time and I’ve never seen what you are describing once, not even once!”
That’s the thing about anonymous internet commenters. They’re all full of shit.
Skepticism in general is a good thing, though. Frankly, there should be more of it. Much more of it. I
Continue reading Tantrum on the High Seas
2013 Seattle Election Results
Oh Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. I tried to warn you. Really I did. You didn’t listen, though. Nobody ever listens.
The votes have been counted, and by a solid 57-43 margin, Ed Murray won the 2013 Mayoral Election. I’ll have 4 ½ years to make my opinions of Ed known, but suffice to say, I’m fairly bummed out.
Ed Murray is a fairly typical politician, with the exception that he’s fashionably gay, and supports fashionably gay causes.
Given that gay folks in Seattle are an affluent demographic, with arguably more political power than any other
Continue reading Seattle Election 2013: All Over But the Sodomy
Hilloween 2013 was held this weekend, and as usual, we could not resist attending.
I like Hilloween for a number of reasons, but perhaps my favorite event pastime is watching wayward hipsters show up.
Every year, a handful of ex-suburban dillknockers show up at Cal Anderson Park dressed up in their “sexy” costumes, and every year, I watch as a look of confusion, and then rage comes over their faces.
See, when they read the flyers proclaiming Hilloween to be child-friendly, they naturally assumed that by “child”, the organizers mean people from 21-50 years old. This is
Continue reading Capitol Hilloween 2013
Westlake Park – Grocery Strike Countdown
Well, it looks like the grocery strike is going to happen not going to happen because all involved read my piece and came to their senses.
I wish I could say that I will honor would have honored the strike, but it wouldn’t make any sense for me to do so.
The standard of living for the American working class is falling, and it will only get worse as time goes on. This is not the result of some clandestine plot by Corporate America, it’s the result of policies that the people, themselves,
Continue reading The Great Seattle Grocery Store Strike
Well, what do you know …
No sooner had the ink dried on my last post, and I find the only real explanation I’ve seen for the persistent highs we’ve been seeing of late.
I refer you to this article:
According to the aforementioned blog, the persistent high-pressure systems we see now are the result of climate change … namely a weakening of the Jet Stream and its ability to break down large ridges of high pressure. These stubborn high pressure systems are known as, in the weather profession, Omega Blocks, or ironically, Rex Blocks. No,
Continue reading Climate Change Re-Considered
*** Posted remotely from my Android ***
Alright shot for a cellphone on a moving boat.
*** Posted remotely from my Android ***
You know, our meteorologists can be a little slow to get on the ball, but I’m surprised that they still haven’t picked up on this new weather paradigm.
Back on May 11th, I wrote a post about an interesting trend I saw developing in Seattle weather. Basically, the trend involves extended periods of dry weather, interspersed with record rainfall. The cause of all of this is a high pressure system of uncommon stubbornness.
It’s been awhile since Seattle has had anything approximating average weather. At least for any extended period of time, and wouldn’t you know it … last
Continue reading Under Pressure … Again
Remember this cartoon?
The 4 Seasons of Seattle Weather
It was drawn by a Seattle-based cartoonist named Mathew Inman, and when he first published it, I was a tiny bit critical of its message.
You know what they say, though. When you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. And so, as is usual, I have done exactly that. As the sole arbiter of truth, honesty, and sincerity within the city limits of Seattle, Washington, I hereby bring to you the Real 4 Seasons of Seattle Weather.
Don’t say I never gave you anything.
Continue reading The REAL 4 Seasons of Seattle Weather
Posted live from my Android.
The Comet Tavern is to Capitol Hill what Las Vegas is to the Mojave Desert. A neon shithole, glistening in the darkness, beckoning the beholder to come hither and indulge in vice. A place to drink alcohol until 4′s turn into 6′s … the minimum score required for a half-hearted, al dente erection … topped off by a rousing game of venereal disease roulette.
Yes, it’s an institution The Comet is, but there is trouble in paradise.
This week, The Comet closed its doors, and they will remain closed for a couple of weeks. According to online rumors, this
Continue reading Save The Comet
I went to the final Mariners game yesterday, and for much of the afternoon, I walked around the stadium with my weiner in my hand – pausing just long enough to periodically place my weiner in my mouth.
That’s right, I put my own weiner in my own mouth.
Did I mention that it was a footlong?
Why yes, I am 12, why do you ask?
Posted live from my Android.
New York City
Continue reading Graffiti of the USA
35 year-olds in animal costumes, a premise that is childish, sarcastic, and absurd; plus a catchy hook?
Has Generation Amazing died and gone to heaven? This has got to be from Seattle, right?
No, but two hundred response videos, twelve flash mobs, and three naked bicycle rides in its honor will be.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.