July 2015
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Seattle is probably the only large city in the US where floatplanes are a common sight. In fact, people often forget, but because of Lake Union, we actually have a commercial airport not more than 2 miles from the Downtown core.

Excluding the transplants, it’s just another one of those things that makes Seattle generally better than everywhere else.

I mean worse. Worse than everyplace else because it, you know, never stops raining.

That’s why we have so many floatplanes. The regular airports are always flooded from the non-stop rain. Planes that can’t float have no chance of landing

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Rainbow Crosswalks and the Gay Stereotype Parade

Rainbow Crosswalks in Pike Pine

Homophobic woman

Yoo-hoo, guess who’s got the gayest crosswalks in all the land?

A different color for everyone who’s been hit in the crosswalk this week

Just your friendly hourly reminder that Seattle supports gay stuff.  Hey, did you know that Seattle supports gay stuff? We also support the gay community. And lesbians.  And transgenders and people with carbonite penises. Anyway, we think you should know that Seattle supports the gays, and the gay community, and the LGBTASHWKEJWKQOUSGHZ communty, of which gays are a part.  Speaking of gays, I think it should be noted that Seattle supports

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Nouns, Motherfucker! We Got Nouns! And Prepositions Too, Biyiyatch!

School to Prison Graffiti

Upper-Middle-Class Caucasians love their slogans.  Boy oh boy do they love their slogans.  Especially ones written on walls in random places.

Much like pissy notes on car windshields, a phenomenon as inextricably linked with Seattle as winter rain, scrawled slogans don’t require the person throwing the hissy fit to be physically present.  While directing their anger toward another person or group, it allows him/her to remain anonymous, thus completely avoiding any repercussions for their display of anger.

Good God, could any one thing be more perfect for Seattle?

Probably not.

And so, it comes as little surprise that our

Continue reading Nouns, Motherfucker! We Got Nouns! And Prepositions Too, Biyiyatch!

Emperor Cited for Indecent Exposure at 4th & Pine

Protest at 4th & Pine

This afternoon, during rush hour, a hundred or so people blocked the intersection of 4th & Pine Streets to protest something I couldn’t completely figure out.

I saw a few “black lives matter” (but not enough to keep us protestors from gentrifying them out of Seattle) signs, a couple “Radical Women of Color” signs … I kept picturing Jeff Spicoli saying “Radical! Women of color!”, and some other signs promoting ideas that the protestors don’t actually want … such as socialism. Trust me, the last thing any of these people want is for the playing field of classism to be leveled.  I

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A Tale of Two Titties


So, after being cockblocked a couple of months ago by some asshole with an iPhone, I was going through some photos today when what did I see but a Lightroom thumbnail of the forbidden melons front and center.

“Well what do you know, I got the picture after all!”, I exclaimed while running a victory lap through Seattle, across the 520 Bridge, down through Olympia, around the Olympic Peninsula, then back again.

What can I tell you, I was excited.

Alas, when I enlarged the photo, I was struck by the painful fact that I had failed yet again.

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A Tale of Two Cities

Cops Rousting Tents from Homeless from Tents

This week, the Seattle Police Department repeatedly removed low-income and homeless campers from their adopted spot next to the I-5 express lanes, just off of Pike Street.

This is a strip of land in an area in which nobody lives, walks, nor does anything. Much like rude-yet-perfectly-legal comments, however, the site of poor people upsets the demographic to which Mayor Ed Murray repeatedly panders, which means that the poor people must go.

And so they did. A group of nearly a dozen cops walked up and down this strip of land, searching each tent, then kicking out the occupants.


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Parent of the Year

Parent of the Year Gets Bitten

I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when I heard a blood-curdling scream.


I looked ahead of me, and the sound was coming from a kid, two maybe three years old. He was riding in a stroller that looked like a car, and his mother was trying to take him out of it.

Alas, he did not want to leave the car-stroller thing, and since this is 2015, he did not hold back in conveying his preferences.

“That’s odd”, I thought, “I’ve never seen a self-centered child under the age of 23 in Seattle.

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The Coolest Camera Ever!


This weekend, I thought I’d treat myself by purchasing the most technologically advanced camera ever made.  One that just blows the doors off of anything else that’s even been made.

The best feature on this camera is the new voice-recognition feature … the one that records audio in the background of the photo, and super-imposes what was said over the image.

How does it work?

Well, see for yourself.  This was the very first photo I made with it enabled:


Eh?  Eh?  Is that spot-on accurate or what?

Ain’t technology great?

Picture: The Diver & The Westin

Diver and The Westin

What I’ve Learned After 2 Weeks of Cat Ownership

I promise the nail clipping won't hurt.  The decapitation on the other hand is gonna hurt like hell you little fucker.

No!  What did Daddy say about articulation? It’s THis! With a ‘TH’!  I’m taking the whole toe now you illiterate little fuck!

I’ve had cats before, but it’s been awhile since my last one.

This being the case, and since I like being nice to animals, I’ve spent some time reading about how to raise cats.

After a couple of weeks of doing so, I’ve come to one conclusion that I consider, frankly, factual.

That conclusion, is that cat owners are, for the most part, insane. Just straight up crazy. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

See, I thought dog owners

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