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The SPD vs. Seattle

Red Light Runner

It’s no great secret that Seattle is a city with a law enforcement problem. I’ve never seen a city whose residents hold such a universally negative opinion of their police force, and I’m including both New York City and Los Angeles in this statement.

I can’t speak to the opinions of citizens in the less-dense areas of Seattle (Crown Hill, Sand Point, etc), but here in the Pike-Pine/Downtown/First Hill/Capitol Hill environs, there is a definite “us versus them” sentiment that seems to be quite pervasive.

While it’s easy to chalk this dichotomy up to some kind of hippie/liberal anti-cop

Continue reading The SPD vs. Seattle

He’s Up There … What’s That? Hawaiian Noises?

Pineapple Express Diagram

I sit here, indoors, while outside, Seattle is being pounded by a Pineapple Express.

In January, Pineapple Expresses are fairly typical in these parts, but outside of Washington, Oregon, and British Columbia, few people have heard the term (with the exception of the movie, of course).

This being the case, allow me to illustrate just what a Pineapple Express is, which I’ve taken the liberty of drawing on top of this morning’s weather map.

Stay dry fellow citizens of New California.

Random Solar Art

Interesting Morning Sunglare

The Cowardly Comet

No Dissent! Popular Sentiment Only!  We'll Punch You If You're Unpopular!

Comet Management: Banned from Their Own Bar

“Oh no!”, I said as I stood across Pike Street from The Comet, “please tell me I don’t see what I think I see.  Please tell me they didn’t get one of those cornball ‘we won’t tolerate intolerance’ signs.”

Oh, Comet …. Et tu?

You couldn’t resist?

You had to succumb to hatred and intolerance, simply because it was the path of least resistance?

We live in a time where people are being ostracized, where people are losing their livelihoods, where people are being actively oppressed for expressing sentiment contrary to

Continue reading The Cowardly Comet

Almost a Decent Shot

Space Needle w Moon on New Years Day 2015

I mostly shoot on what I call “Aperture and Shutter Priority Mode”, which is basically Manual Mode with Auto-ISO turned on.  Occasionally, however, I sometimes go into full Manual Mode, and forget to turn Auto-ISO back on when I’m finished.

Such a thing happened on New Year’s Day, when I tried to get the Space Needle and the moon, plus an airplane, into the same shot.  I reeled off 7 shots, and when I went to review them, I realized that I’d shot them all in full-on darkness at ISO 100.

Doh.

I tried to correct my settings, but

Continue reading Almost a Decent Shot

Man Overboard!

Burial at Sea

You know, I actually think this is a really nice idea. Heck, I may even do it myself.

That said, if I do, I will be sure to specify not to do it during a weekday morning, because they actually have to stop the ferry for about 5 minutes while hundreds of impatient passengers look on.

By the way, who knew they made big seashell things for just this porpoise?

Eh? Eh?  Just this porpoise, get it?

Float in peace whoever you were.

Continue reading Man Overboard!

Nordstrom’s New Clothes

Christmas Story Bus with Westin Towers

Alright, they aren’t exactly “new”.  Nordstrom’s new lights have been up for about a month, but I’ve been busy saving the world from poorly-written code (and doing a not-so-swell job of it in the larger scheme), and I’m just now getting around to some of my older pictures.

Nordstrom (or “Nordies” as my friend Chuck calls it) got stone-cold festive this year, and … well … see for yourself.

  

I actually like the new lights.

Hopefully, they’ll be an annual thing.

Kind of like plowing your mother under the mistletoe after she’s had twelve too many eggnogs.

 

Continue reading Nordstrom’s New Clothes

The Man in the Space Needle Reflection

Space Needle Reflection

I took these photos on Friday evening, and while “developing” them today, I noticed something odd.

Now, it may be the weird mushroom I found in my omelette this morning, but I see a face in the photo below.  It looks kind of like a chimpanzee with a big nose, or perhaps an ancient Aztec warrior made of stone … or maybe … just maybe … if you tilt your head just right … Sticky Fingaz from Onyx.

Frankly, I don’t know who/what it is, or what it may want, but I do know one thing, and that’s how to

Continue reading The Man in the Space Needle Reflection

Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?

Starbucks Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room

It’s been said, often by me personally, that the TV show “Friends” killed the American city.

Decades of white flight left inner-urban areas relatively diverse and downright affordable.  Then, ‘Friends’ gained an audience, and before you knew it, there was a coffee shop on every street corner, and every other rental ad touted its proximity to nearby coffee shops, if it didn’t simply mention the TV show by name. I actually saw scores of ads that looked something like this:

“3br, 2ba, close to nightlife & coffee shops.  Great for roommates. It’s just like Friends!”

For the urban working-class,

Continue reading Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?

Pussy Destroyer?

Pussy Destroyer

Oh no, my friends.

No, no.

What you are looking at is not a Pussy Destroyer.

What you currently have fixated within your gaze …

Is a Pussy Obliterator.

Once those fine-ass threads hit the floor, it’s all over.

Boom, bap, poof, it’s gone.

“Where’d my baby-maker go?”, you’ll wonder, but it will be too late. All that will be left for you to do, is pick up the phone, call your mother, and say “Sorry, Mom, but you’ll never be a grandmother like I promised … I’ve been the victim of the Pussy Obliterator”.

You have been warned.

Continue reading Pussy Destroyer?

Hotel Max

Hotel Max

Power From the People

Electricity Thief on 7th Avenue

How small must his heart be to steal power from Christmas lights?

That’s right, homelice here was out of power for his phone/mp3 player, so he stopped to charge it from an outlet on the Christmas lights.

Is nothing sacred?

Does the spirit of Christmas mean nothing any more?

We’re supposed to be giving this time of year, not taking, yet here this guy is, taking power away from the people.  That money could be used to buy enemas for baby kittens or some shit, but does he care?

Not at all.

Fine, we’re talking pennies in power here,

Continue reading Power From the People

Gone But Not Forgotten

Layne Staley and Mike Starr Sign at 8th & Olive - Howell

Still loved after all these years, eh fellas?

This sign has been taped to a pole in the 8th & Olive/Howell triangle for about 2 weeks now.

 

Whitefest 2014

Figgy Pudding 2014

Alas, the annual Figgy Pudding Festival, highest holy day on the White Bourgeoisie calendar, went off on Friday without a hitch. Cops were everywhere, and there was not a single, solitary mohawk in sight. Woo-Hoo!

Why is Figgy Pudding so special to upper-middle-class whites and the upper-middle-class whites at heart (Asian girls I’m looking at you)?

Are you kidding?

Singing Christmas carols, on the downtown streets of a major city, to benefit the homeless, while the homeless are kept far, far away?

We’re talking urban adventure without the risk, an audience of thousands watching you sing like Whitney, and

Continue reading Whitefest 2014

Was it Something I Said?

Figgy Protest Cancelled

Word on the street has it that, once it was pointed out to him that homeless and elderly people were slightly stronger, and thus slightly better able to defend themselves, than a children’s choir … Mo Better Blues Hawk wanted nothing to do with tonight’s event.

I’d say it was a solid decision.

Well done, toddlers.

For once.

Seattle Protestors Finally Confess: We Don’t Care About Anyone But Ourselves

Figgy Pudding in Westlake Center

Figgy Pudding in Westlake Center

It could not have possibly been more clear.

Lest anyone have a shred of doubt about the sincerity of Seattle’s Ferguson Protestors, that doubt no longer exists.  The “leader” of the group has finally admitted what the rest of us knew all along.

“We don’t care.”

Tonight, the annual Figgy Pudding fundraiser will take place in and around Westlake Center, and true to self-centered, “screw the poor, it’s all about me and my affluent friends” form, Fauxhawk and his band of Merry Suburbanites are having another playdate.

http://www.king5.com/story/news/local/seattle/2014/12/05/protests-to-coincide-with-figgy-pudding-at-westlake-center/19936319/

Organizers of a longtime holiday tradition in downtown

Continue reading Seattle Protestors Finally Confess: We Don’t Care About Anyone But Ourselves

The 2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree

2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree

 

Westlake Center is to Seattle what Rockefeller Center is to New York City, and as you might imagine, the Westlake Tree is our version of the Rock Center Tree.

Of course, ours is far nicer, given that it’s located in Seattle. Say what you will, but I can’t imagine a few extra feet of tree compensating for the fact that you’re not in the nation’s greatest city. In fact, the only thing I would say that NYC has over Seattle, is that it has fewer New Yorkers. Ever since Hipster Number One discovered Brooklyn, natives have been leaving

Continue reading The 2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree

A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call

Child Bullying Cowards

Child Bullying, minority displacing, priapism curing, emotionally-stunted, psychopathic, pathetic cowards on the lookout for grown-ups or anyone who might be able to fight back.

You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,

Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call

Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese

Simply Seattle Poster

Oh, and they also simplify business banking.

I ran across this poster on 5th Avenue last week, and it really piqued my curiosity.

See, I don’t know why one would want to run through Gas Works Park, kicking the shit out of Canadian Geese.

Hold on …

Wait …

Wait a minute …

Wait just a minute …

Yes …

Yes I do …

Yes I do know why one would would want to do such a thing …

Remember this from a couple of years back?

http://www.seattlerex.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/canadians_invade_seattle-seattlerex.mp4

Well, alright.

It’s settled, then.

I’m opening an account at Sound Community

Continue reading Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese

Happy Thanksgiving!

Turkey Fucker

I thought this video was appropriate for the occasion.

God Bless Us Everyone.

Fuck You Dave

Dave Grohl Hates the Working Class

Hey Dave, thanks a lot.

Thanks for selling tickets to a surprise show at 3pm on a workday.

As a 45 year-old dude with a lot of non-famous friends, one would think you’d be wise to the realities of the post-great-recession American man.  You know, those tragically unhip hate-targets who bust their asses to support families, and probably represent far more of your fanbase than the current crop of staycation Seattleites, doggy daddies, trust funders, and perpetual students.

Despite this, they’re not even worthy of a fair shot at a couple of show tickets?

Really?

Well, alright then. I guess

Continue reading Fuck You Dave

Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade

Protesting Outside US Courthouse

They’re bored as hell, and they’re not going to take it any more!

Believe it or not, I had to work today.

Yes, yes, I know, I know, working is sooooo proletariat, and therefore so un-nuevo-Seattle, but somebody’s gotta do it.  If the economy collapses, the trust fund checks stop, and then the outraged class will really have something to complain about.

As I made my way back to the office from lunch, I got caught in the trust-fund social event as it made its way from Westlake Park to the U.S. Courthouse.

Folks, do you know what an organized,

Continue reading Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade

Everybody Reads Seattle Rex

Masala Grill and Bar - Sign Fixed

Proud to Be an Amarican

Masala Grill and Bar on Pike Street

Meet Pike Street’s newest grill.  And bar.

Masala Grill & Bar will soon open at Pike & 9th, and they promise to offer a cuisine few people have sampled.

I was going to speculate about how their new sign could have been made without anyone … without a single person … catching the obvious misspelling of our country’s name.

For once, however, I have nothing.

 

Same Difference

Dog and Kid in Their Respective Daycares

Doggie Daycare.

Kiddie Daycare.

Same street, same day, one block apart, one blink and you can’t tell which is which.

The fate of kids and canines look remarkably similar these days.  Both species wistfully gaze out of the street-level glass cages in which they are dropped off each morning, eagerly awaiting the return of the human who calls itself “mommy” or “daddy”.

It begs the question … have we begun treating dogs like kids, or kids like dogs?

“What’s the difference?”, most Generation Y’ers would ask, and that’s where scenes like those above start making perfect sense.

When an entire generation equates pet

Continue reading Same Difference

That Quirky Portland

Portland is Now

Portland.   A place so pretentious, that people come to Seattle for authenticity.

Portland used to be cool.  Then, as the wage gap widened over the past decade, the offspring of the wealthy moved in, kicked the cool out, and before you knew it, the town was flooded with vinegar and water.

Now, you can’t walk down a Portland street without being beaten over the head by manufactured quirkiness.

“Look everyone, that guy is riding a unicycle, isn’t he quirky?”

“Look everyone, that girl has a donut-sized ear piercing, isn’t she quirky?”

Call me crazy, but Portland was way more quirky

Continue reading That Quirky Portland

Six People Who Wish They Read Seattle Rex

HOV Violators

So, like, the HOV motorcycle cop is there every morning now, and every morning, he catches a metric assload of HOV violators. He nabbed six at one time this morning (pictured above).

“But how could this be?”, you ask, “You already warned us about this cop.”

Well, Believe it or not, there are a few dozen people in the Seattle area who don’t read Seattle Rex.

And they are paying very dearly for their stupidity.

Unlike you.

If you run across one of these people, feel free to ridicule them. They deserve it.

Continue reading Six People Who Wish They Read Seattle Rex

Monorail Shots

Monorail and Westin Towers

I took a few monorail shots this weekend.  Some of them are on this page.  Some of them aren’t.  Here are the ones that are.

Trains are buses for white people.

Monorails are trains for tourists.

Cutting right through the heart of Belltown and Midtown, as tourist’s trains go, Seattle’s is by far the coolest in the world.

At $2.25 each way, with no round-trip discount, it’s also the most profitable.

 

Continue reading Monorail Shots

Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

8th and Pine Hilton Lights

Hilton’s latest property has been illuminated on the corner of 8th & Pine.

I don’t want to say that it looks out of place, but, well, judge for yourself.  Keep in mind that this is the bottom few floors of a 500′-ish, 40+ floor tower.

Honestly, it doesn’t look bad … I’ve walked past it the past few evenings, and it’s growing on me. Dare I say, it even looks pretty cool.  Located across the street from the historic Paramount Theater, however, it just looks out of place.

The price of progress I guess.

Continue reading Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014

Rex1410-0693-Halloween_Capitol_Hill_2014--©SeattleRex

I’m happy to report that the First Annual Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night was a rousing success.  It was so successful, in fact, that the organizers have decided to host a Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night each and every year, at the same exact place, 3928 1st Avenue S, Seattle WA 98134.

To those of you arriving by search engine over the next 12 months, let me ask you a question … don’t these pictures look fun?

Of course they look fun!  Fun is what Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night is all about.

If you missed SSHFN this year, you have a good excuse.

Continue reading Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014