It is what it is.
From Pike Place Market to 15th Avenue, I’ve probably logged more hours on Pike Street in the last decade than any other street in the world. My entire family knows every crack, dip, and imperfection along the entire stretch of Pike’s sidewalk, both sides.
This being the case, I’ve also probably made more pictures of Pike Street than any other street in the world.
This is one of them.
Back in the day, I played basketball, and in those days, I said this line at least 1,000 times … especially when an insult was cast in my direction.
Today, I stumbled upon what I consider to be my favorite commercial of all time. No, really, Taylor, imma let you finish, but this is the greatest commercial of all time! Of all time!
It’s a commercial which could be applied to so many facets of American life … but let’s face it, the industry will never touch 90% of them.
Anyway, without further ado …
A generation of people who are too selfish to have children … who are admittedly “too selfish” to acquiesce to a biological norm which has been a primary driver of all animal behavior since the beginning of time … cares very, very, very deeply about the ecological health of the planet that your grandchildren will inherit.
That’s right, victims of a widespread narcissism epidemic, who are completely and utterly self-centered in all ways, make an exception to that self-centeredness when it comes to the water levels of the earth long after they are dead and buried.
They care so much, that
Continue reading Ruh Roh There’s Climate Trouble Brewing
Said one local seagull as he passed over a Washington State Ferry.
See, this, is a seahawk:
Handsome bird, no doubt, and probably fairly adept at hunting as well.
This, however, is what is ubiquitous in Seattle, outnumbering humans by about 2:1
This, you see, is a “Seagull” or a “Rollin’ 60’s Crip” if you happen to be a pigeon.
What it is not, is a seahawk. I’ve never seen a seahawk within the city limits of Seattle. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one, period. Thus, our local corporate sports team name is a not an entirely
Continue reading I Got Your “Seahawks” Right Here
It’s no great secret that Seattle is a city with a law enforcement problem. I’ve never seen a city whose residents hold such a universally negative opinion of their police force, and I’m including both New York City and Los Angeles in this statement.
I can’t speak to the opinions of citizens in the less-dense areas of Seattle (Crown Hill, Sand Point, etc), but here in the Pike-Pine/Downtown/First Hill/Capitol Hill environs, there is a definite “us versus them” sentiment that seems to be quite pervasive.
While it’s easy to chalk this dichotomy up to some kind of hippie/liberal anti-cop
Continue reading The SPD vs. Seattle
I sit here, indoors, while outside, Seattle is being pounded by a Pineapple Express.
In January, Pineapple Expresses are fairly typical in these parts, but outside of Washington, Oregon, and British Columbia, few people have heard the term (with the exception of the movie, of course).
This being the case, allow me to illustrate just what a Pineapple Express is, which I’ve taken the liberty of drawing on top of this morning’s weather map.
Stay dry fellow citizens of New California.
“Oh no!”, I said as I stood across Pike Street from The Comet, “please tell me I don’t see what I think I see. Please tell me they didn’t get one of those cornball ‘we won’t tolerate intolerance’ signs.”
Oh, Comet …. Et tu?
You couldn’t resist?
You had to succumb to hatred and intolerance, simply because it was the path of least resistance?
We live in a time where people are being ostracized, where people are losing their livelihoods, where people are being actively oppressed for expressing sentiment contrary to
Continue reading The Cowardly Comet
I mostly shoot on what I call “Aperture and Shutter Priority Mode”, which is basically Manual Mode with Auto-ISO turned on. Occasionally, however, I sometimes go into full Manual Mode, and forget to turn Auto-ISO back on when I’m finished.
Such a thing happened on New Year’s Day, when I tried to get the Space Needle and the moon, plus an airplane, into the same shot. I reeled off 7 shots, and when I went to review them, I realized that I’d shot them all in full-on darkness at ISO 100.
I tried to correct my settings, but
Continue reading Almost a Decent Shot
You know, I actually think this is a really nice idea. Heck, I may even do it myself.
That said, if I do, I will be sure to specify not to do it during a weekday morning, because they actually have to stop the ferry for about 5 minutes while hundreds of impatient passengers look on.
By the way, who knew they made big seashell things for just this porpoise?
Eh? Eh? Just this porpoise, get it?
Float in peace whoever you were.
Continue reading Man Overboard!
Alright, they aren’t exactly “new”. Nordstrom’s new lights have been up for about a month, but I’ve been busy saving the world from poorly-written code (and doing a not-so-swell job of it in the larger scheme), and I’m just now getting around to some of my older pictures.
Nordstrom (or “Nordies” as my friend Chuck calls it) got stone-cold festive this year, and … well … see for yourself.
I actually like the new lights.
Hopefully, they’ll be an annual thing.
Kind of like plowing your mother under the mistletoe after she’s had twelve too many eggnogs.
Continue reading Nordstrom’s New Clothes
I took these photos on Friday evening, and while “developing” them today, I noticed something odd.
Now, it may be the weird mushroom I found in my omelette this morning, but I see a face in the photo below. It looks kind of like a chimpanzee with a big nose, or perhaps an ancient Aztec warrior made of stone … or maybe … just maybe … if you tilt your head just right … Sticky Fingaz from Onyx.
Frankly, I don’t know who/what it is, or what it may want, but I do know one thing, and that’s how to
Continue reading The Man in the Space Needle Reflection
It’s been said, often by me personally, that the TV show “Friends” killed the American city.
Decades of white flight left inner-urban areas relatively diverse and downright affordable. Then, ‘Friends’ gained an audience, and before you knew it, there was a coffee shop on every street corner, and every other rental ad touted its proximity to nearby coffee shops, if it didn’t simply mention the TV show by name. I actually saw scores of ads that looked something like this:
“3br, 2ba, close to nightlife & coffee shops. Great for roommates. It’s just like Friends!”
For the urban working-class,
Continue reading Starbucks Reserve Roastery & Tasting Room … wait … what?
Oh no, my friends.
What you are looking at is not a Pussy Destroyer.
What you currently have fixated within your gaze …
Is a Pussy Obliterator.
Once those fine-ass threads hit the floor, it’s all over.
Boom, bap, poof, it’s gone.
“Where’d my baby-maker go?”, you’ll wonder, but it will be too late. All that will be left for you to do, is pick up the phone, call your mother, and say “Sorry, Mom, but you’ll never be a grandmother like I promised … I’ve been the victim of the Pussy Obliterator”.
You have been warned.
Continue reading Pussy Destroyer?
How small must his heart be to steal power from Christmas lights?
That’s right, homelice here was out of power for his phone/mp3 player, so he stopped to charge it from an outlet on the Christmas lights.
Is nothing sacred?
Does the spirit of Christmas mean nothing any more?
We’re supposed to be giving this time of year, not taking, yet here this guy is, taking power away from the people. That money could be used to buy enemas for baby kittens or some shit, but does he care?
Not at all.
Fine, we’re talking pennies in power here,
Continue reading Power From the People
Alas, the annual Figgy Pudding Festival, highest holy day on the White Bourgeoisie calendar, went off on Friday without a hitch. Cops were everywhere, and there was not a single, solitary mohawk in sight. Woo-Hoo!
Why is Figgy Pudding so special to upper-middle-class whites and the upper-middle-class whites at heart (Asian girls I’m looking at you)?
Are you kidding?
Singing Christmas carols, on the downtown streets of a major city, to benefit the homeless, while the homeless are kept far, far away?
We’re talking urban adventure without the risk, an audience of thousands watching you sing like Whitney, and
Continue reading Whitefest 2014
Word on the street has it that, once it was pointed out to him that homeless and elderly people were slightly stronger, and thus slightly better able to defend themselves, than a children’s choir … Mo Better Blues Hawk wanted nothing to do with tonight’s event.
I’d say it was a solid decision.
Well done, toddlers.
It could not have possibly been more clear.
Lest anyone have a shred of doubt about the sincerity of Seattle’s Ferguson Protestors, that doubt no longer exists. The “leader” of the group has finally admitted what the rest of us knew all along.
“We don’t care.”
Tonight, the annual Figgy Pudding fundraiser will take place in and around Westlake Center, and true to self-centered, “screw the poor, it’s all about me and my affluent friends” form, Fauxhawk and his band of Merry Suburbanites are having another playdate.
Organizers of a longtime holiday tradition in downtown
Westlake Center is to Seattle what Rockefeller Center is to New York City, and as you might imagine, the Westlake Tree is our version of the Rock Center Tree.
Of course, ours is far nicer, given that it’s located in Seattle. Say what you will, but I can’t imagine a few extra feet of tree compensating for the fact that you’re not in the nation’s greatest city. In fact, the only thing I would say that NYC has over Seattle, is that it has fewer New Yorkers. Ever since Hipster Number One discovered Brooklyn, natives have been leaving
Continue reading The 2014 Westlake Center Christmas Tree
You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,
Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call
Oh, and they also simplify business banking.
I ran across this poster on 5th Avenue last week, and it really piqued my curiosity.
See, I don’t know why one would want to run through Gas Works Park, kicking the shit out of Canadian Geese.
Hold on …
Wait a minute …
Wait just a minute …
Yes I do …
Yes I do know why one would would want to do such a thing …
Remember this from a couple of years back?
It’s settled, then.
I’m opening an account at Sound Community
Continue reading Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese
Hey Dave, thanks a lot.
Thanks for selling tickets to a surprise show at 3pm on a workday.
As a 45 year-old dude with a lot of non-famous friends, one would think you’d be wise to the realities of the post-great-recession American man. You know, those tragically unhip hate-targets who bust their asses to support families, and probably represent far more of your fanbase than the current crop of staycation Seattleites, doggy daddies, trust funders, and perpetual students.
Despite this, they’re not even worthy of a fair shot at a couple of show tickets?
Well, alright then. I guess
Continue reading Fuck You Dave
Believe it or not, I had to work today.
Yes, yes, I know, I know, working is sooooo proletariat, and therefore so un-nuevo-Seattle, but somebody’s gotta do it. If the economy collapses, the trust fund checks stop, and then the outraged class will really have something to complain about.
As I made my way back to the office from lunch, I got caught in the trust-fund social event as it made its way from Westlake Park to the U.S. Courthouse.
Folks, do you know what an organized,
Continue reading Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade
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