Alas, the annual Figgy Pudding Festival, highest holy day on the White Bourgeoisie calendar, went off on Friday without a hitch. Cops were everywhere, and there was not a single, solitary mohawk in sight. Woo-Hoo!
Why is Figgy Pudding so special to upper-middle-class whites and the upper-middle-class whites at heart (Asian girls I’m looking at you)?
Are you kidding?
Singing Christmas carols, on the downtown streets of a major city, to benefit the homeless, while the homeless are kept far, far away?
We’re talking urban adventure without the risk, an audience of thousands watching you sing like Whitney, and
Continue reading Whitefest 2014
Child Bullying, minority displacing, priapism curing, emotionally-stunted, psychopathic, pathetic cowards on the lookout for grown-ups or anyone who might be able to fight back.
You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,
Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call
Portland. A place so pretentious, that people come to Seattle for authenticity.
Portland used to be cool. Then, as the wage gap widened over the past decade, the offspring of the wealthy moved in, kicked the cool out, and before you knew it, the town was flooded with vinegar and water.
Now, you can’t walk down a Portland street without being beaten over the head by manufactured quirkiness.
“Look everyone, that guy is riding a unicycle, isn’t he quirky?”
“Look everyone, that girl has a donut-sized ear piercing, isn’t she quirky?”
Call me crazy, but Portland was way more quirky
Continue reading That Quirky Portland
They’re mad as hell and they’re not, well, okay, they’ll keep taking it, but they’re soo gonna make some more signs.
Ah, climate change. Single-most fashionable cause of the last decade. It’s still going strong, and unlike that “human trafficking” thing that Ashton and Demi got white people worked up about a few years ago, shows no sign of fading out.
By the way, did you ever notice that black people don’t seem to care about global warming?
In fact, it’s sort of intriguing, but much like those other periodic causes, the aforementioned “human trafficking”, “girl’s self-esteem”,
Continue reading A Day at the Fashion Show
While sorting through my photos this evening, I was reminded of a couple of guys who stole the show last weekend at the Bite of Seattle.
During one band’s set, two guys from the audience had proceeded to, uh, dance.
While they were obviously being goofy, they actually had talent. For instance, the guy in the white did a dive, transitioned into a breakdance two-step, then did a few baby swipes before getting back up and spazzing out. The guy in blue, well, the guy in blue reminded me of who Flava Flav would be were he white.
Continue reading Dancin’ Fools
The 2014 Bite of Seattle is upon us, and yesterday, we walked over to the festivities to check it out.
It was crowded, a little too crowded at times, but fun nonetheless. I ate more stuff than I care to remember, about twenty percent of which was actually edible.
The real draw, as usual, was the music, which, although I never happened to be present when the band names were announced, was really good.
Fortunately, the temperatures cooled off a bit, sparing me from both food poisoning and a nose full of B.O. Fine, I wasn’t really “spared” from either,
Continue reading Scenes from the 2014 Bite of Seattle
When I realized that Washington would be one of the first states in the union to legalize marijuana, I had some concerns.
Not because I thought it should remain illegal, no, the War on Some Drugs When Used by Poor People is nuts. Instead, I was concerned because I didn’t think the least considerate state in the country would be good torchbearers for the new policy.
The nation’s eyes are on our fair state to see how legalization will play out in normal, polite society, and as I stood outside with my family watching the fireworks last night,
Continue reading The MEattle, er, Seattle 2014 July 4th Fireworks
I just got back from the Gay Pride parade.
It was cool, and it was entertaining in spots … it usually is, but this year more than any other, I felt as if I were watching a really, really long commercial.
I kind of was.
As the corporate groups passed by, one of the guys MC’ing the parade appeared to be reading an advertising copy for the companies … Alaskan Airlines, Uber, and at one point, we were even encouraged to “Let’s hear it for Starbucks!”
Despite the whole “progressive” routine, we Seattleites love large corporations like few other cities.
Continue reading Pictures from the Seattle Gay Pride Parade 2014
Sakura-Con 2014: Main Hall
I don’t understand white people. Seriously. I am to white people what Tiger Woods is to black people.
For instance, I’ve never been camping. I’ve been invited, but I never wanted anything to do with it. Trust me, if you’ve ever spent a night sleeping on the New York City Subway because you didn’t have a place to go home to, you thank your lucky stars each and every day you have a king-sized bed, five computers, a quiet place to shit, and a door that locks. You sure as hell don’t leave it all
Continue reading Sakura-Con 2014
Seahawks Parade – Fans in Westlake Park
When it’s an unprecedented event, and only a few blocks from your home … you kind of have to go.
After waiting roughly an hour, however, I forwent waving to the players as they passed by on 4th Avenue. Instead, I contented myself to celebrate my unbridled joy with what has been reported to be between 200,000-500,000 people.
I suppose it was entertaining on some level, although I’m still not sure I’ll ever fully agree with these kinds of priorities.
As it turns out, all absences from Seattle Public Schools will be
Continue reading The Seattle Seahawks Superbowl Celebration