• I placed an order and paid extra for, and I quote, “Guaranteed Two-Day Shipping”. (I’ve never had anything arrive in 2 days from Amazon via second day shipping, but I guess I’m an optimist. Plus I got tired of waiting two weeks for deliveries, a time artificially extended to extract $99 more from customers.)
• 3 days later, it had not arrived as usual, so I contacted Amazon. After a couple of bad interactions, I also left negative feedback.
• “For my inconvenience”, Amazon apologized profusely and seemingly sincerely (they weren’t), and they agreed to compensate me. They gave me
Continue reading Suing Amazon
Who looks exactly the way that I look? Me! When I am reading, who’s holding the book? Me! When I want dinner, who always will feed me? Who’s always handy whenever I need me? Firm as a feather in all kinds of weather, Me, me, wonderful me!
-Official song of Seattle Tourists Worldwide
“Seattle Rex exaggerates.”
I know you think it. Frankly, I don’t blame you. I would think the same thing. I have some weird tales to tell at times. I see things that, frankly, are not very believable.
I’m aware that there’s a healthy amount of skepticism and disbelief
Continue reading Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle
Seattle Mayor Ed Murray on Saturday announced his decision to prohibit the use of city funds for travel by all city employees on city business to the State of Indiana after the passage of S.B. 101.
The new law, which was signed by Governor Pence on Thursday, has the potential to legalize discrimination against LGBT people and others based on religious beliefs, a press release from Murray said.
“Seattleites know that discrimination has no place in our City – that’s just equality ‘101’,” said Ed Murray.
More than a dozen states this year are considering measures aimed at preventing
Continue reading I Apologize
Growing up, I was called a “faggot” more times than I can remember. Probably 10,000 times, maybe more. Come to think of it, everyone was called faggot. In fact, I doubt a single day went by when I, my friends, my enemies, and even the boys I didn’t know were called faggots.
I wasn’t gay, though. Oh sure, a little effeminate maybe. In later years, people who knew me when I was a child compared that Haley Joel Osment kid to me. I was a sensitive kid with higher IQ than most of my peers, and it caused me
Continue reading Mayor Ed Murray’s War on Tolerance & Diversity
Child Bullying, minority displacing, priapism curing, emotionally-stunted, psychopathic, pathetic cowards on the lookout for grown-ups or anyone who might be able to fight back.
You know, I’ve taken on the local protest groups quite a bit in the pages of my blog, but I’ve always done so as a protestor myself, and there’s always been at least some element of tongue-in-cheek expression in my opposition. Despite my criticism of their sincerity, I’ve always maintained some level of hope that I was wrong about them, and I’ve always felt a tiny bit of, even if it is not always palpable,
Continue reading A Cowardly Christmas Spawns a Wake-up Call
They’re bored as hell, and they’re not going to take it any more!
Believe it or not, I had to work today.
Yes, yes, I know, I know, working is sooooo proletariat, and therefore so un-nuevo-Seattle, but somebody’s gotta do it. If the economy collapses, the trust fund checks stop, and then the outraged class will really have something to complain about.
As I made my way back to the office from lunch, I got caught in the trust-fund social event as it made its way from Westlake Park to the U.S. Courthouse.
Folks, do you know what an organized,
Continue reading Seattle’s Ferguson Social Parade
Well, you won.
Initiative 594, the one that requires mostly-proletariat gun owners to register with the ruling-class. With overwhelming support coming from our wealthiest, most highly-educated districts, passed in the State of Washington 60% to 40%.
Nearly all rich Washingtonians voted in favor, but why did so many out-of-state multi-millionaires support Washington Bill I-594, though? Didn’t they spend an awful lot of money to influence legislation in a state they don’t even live in? Why would they do such a thing?
Do they really just care that much about the safety of the common man?
The answer, is
Continue reading Washington Initiative 594: A Rare Win for the Wealthy
From a musical perspective, I’ve lived through interesting times. Although I was but a child during some of them, I’ve been alive to witness the birth, or early years at the very least, of such diverse genres as heavy metal, progressive rock, funk, glam, disco, punk, hardcore punk, hip-hop, new wave, electronic, house, dubstep, trip-hop, noise/grunge/alternative, and whatever the fuck the last 15 years have given us (shit?).
I’ve witnessed the rise of a few of these genres first-hand, most notably hip-hop, hardcore punk, alt/”grunge”, and a regional music genre known as “Go-Go”. The latter is a genre which
Continue reading Breakin’, Boogaloo Shrimp, White People, and Hip-Hop History at EMP
Kids of all ages stay for free @ 3928 1ST AVENUE S, SEATTLE WA 98134
You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.
Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.
Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.
Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.
Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason
Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!
Just before 5pm yesterday, I spotted a small protest march making its way up Pike Street.
As they got closer, I could see that they were protesting the state of law enforcement in the USA. They were a diverse mix of protestors, black, white, hipster, suburbanite, middle-eastern, and I was very heartened to see that … even in the absence of a media circus … a small group of people still took time out of their day to stand behind their positions.
I stopped, held out an outstretched thumb pointing upward, and nodded approvingly to each passing protestor. It
Continue reading Unfortunate Sons
“Why is the SPD always involved in controversy?”
I was asked this question about a month ago by someone visiting the city. They were both concerned and intrigued by the amount of national notoriety our police force has received, especially given the fact that Seattle is not a particularly large city.
I explained to them that less than 20% of SPD officers live in the city. I explained that the overwhelming majority of them are suburbanites and ruralites, tasked to police an environment and a people with which they have little off-duty familiarity. When you throw in the fact that
Continue reading Sued by the SPD
Being a Seattleite can be tough sometimes.
While Seattle enjoys a generally positive image from a technical and business perspective, we suffer a fair amount of ridicule when it comes to, well, just about everything else. Unfortunately, as a mostly-underground-yet-marginally-known “blogger” in this town, I am often called to answer for some of our more ridiculous exploits.
Everytime a national news story breaks about something stupid we’ve done, I brace for the inevitable. A predictable string of emails sent either to inform me of what has happened, seek comment on what has happened, or simply to deride me as
Continue reading Brown Bags and Banned Citizens: Seattle’s Insanity Explained
Women are indecisive creatures. Fickle beasts, unable to make up their minds. Emotional, untrustworthy people, unwilling and unable to take responsibility for anything.
These were (some of) the stereotypes prior to 1970. Thank goodness the feminist movement has dispelled such notions by showing everyone the errors of their ways. Or … barring that, has at least frightened and intimidated everyone into at least pretending that those stereotypes are the result of some evil sexist plot.
A couple of weeks ago, a woman named Danielle Campoamor wrote an op-ed in the Seattle Times complaining about the timid-ness of Seattle men. In
Continue reading A Woman’s Prerogative
After watching the above video, you may come to the conclusion that the answer is “yes”.
This is where we are as a society folks. A point where the guy in a superhero costume officially makes more rational, logical sense than does the Mayor, the Chief of Police, and every bobble-headed human teleprompter on every “news” station in town.
Rightly or wrongly, Phoenix Jones takes a lot of criticism from the unwashed masses and the corporate media who bottle-feed said masses their daily dose of recycled shit.
Personally, I’ve always defended the guy. Yeah, I see how the suit
Continue reading The Most Rational Man In Seattle?
For many years, I made a living as a bicycle messenger.
It was a tough job, but in those days, the days before email became ubiquitous, it was one of the few jobs which afforded young proletariat adults a quasi-legal way to make a better-than-minimum wage.
Winter was especially harsh, but due to a reduced number of messengers on the streets that time of year, it was also the most lucrative. Personally, I never missed a day of riding due to weather. Not one, single, solitary day.
I rode in rain, snow, wind, I rode in blizzards, thunderstorms, and
Continue reading The Loneliest Number
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a supporter of gay rights. I’ve voted, marched, donated, volunteered, and tried to reason with those who I felt were honestly misguided.
It is with a heavy heart that I sit here now and realize that I was wrong. Not just wrong, but in many ways, I feel that I was a tool. Used by the “LGBT Community”, and then cast aside once the outcasts became fashionable.
Although it may seem sudden, the awakening has really been a long time in the making. The Space Needle flag controversy, the death
Continue reading Why I’m Voting “No” on Gay Marriage
Will it ever end?
Seattle is currently in the grips of its worst drought ever. We’re closing in on 70 days without any real, sustained rain. We haven’t broken one tenth of an inch since July.
Thanks Lisa Van Cise.
Now, people always say to me “Rex, why do you always blame that pale white girl for the weather? She doesn’t control the weather. You know that, right?”
Oh, you silly, naive people. You’re wrong. Oh so wrong.
You see, as everyone knows, or at least as 93% of Americans know, the weather is controlled by God. The
Continue reading The Lisa Van Cise Drought Continues
I have a very difficult relationship with my blog. I always have. It’s a love/hate relationship if ever there was one.
Lately, however, it’s been more hate than love, and a couple of months ago, I seriously considered hitting the almighty ‘delete’ key and putting the Internet out of its misery. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
Each time I went back and read one of my posts, I always thought “man, what a self-important, narcissistic, negative, misanthropic, whiny piece of shit.”
All I ever do on this thing is complain.
Continue reading Everybody’s a Critic
As recently as the 1950’s in this country, a white man could lynch a black man, and he would most likely get away with it.
While those days are behind us, there are swift outcries when it is perceived by mainstream America that these particular inequities are still taking place. The Trayvon Martin case is a good example of this.
While it would be nice to believe that our newfound sensitivity to certain injustices are born of altruism and enlightenment, the fact of the matter is that society is no less cruel and inhumane than it always has been.
Continue reading Washington State: Come for the Scenery, Stay for the Misandry
Almost twenty years ago, I was sent by my editor to the Brooklyn Academy of Music.
It was a mayoral election year, and an “A list” celebrity had flown in from Los Angeles to stump for her favorite candidate. On this particular day, it was my assignment to interview, photograph, and write an article about this particular A-lister.
As I was talking to her and taking notes, however, I found myself growing angry. Here was this woman, fresh off the plane from Malibu, and she was telling me why all New Yorkers, real New Yorkers, should vote
Continue reading Oh, No! High Ate Us!
I woke up late this morning. Probably the latest I’ve awakened in the last 5 years.
When I finally got out of bed and glanced at the clock, I realized that I needed to get going … and quick.
I threw some clothes on, grabbed my jacket and camera, then went into the living room where the rest of the family was already immersed in the latest Nintendo Wii title.
“I’m walking down to the Gay Pride parade, if anyone wants to come with me, you have 3 minutes to get ready!”, I said.
My youngest daughter, who was by
Continue reading Of Pride and Penises
Earlier this year, a friend of mine was rushed to Harborview Hospital. To protect his anonymity, and for the sake of clarity, let’s call my friend ‘Doug Thatcher Tha Booty Snatcher’.
Now, the reason Doug was rushed to the hospital is not important, however, the method in which he was rushed is notable.
You see, Doug is a resident of Bainbridge Island … an island which, despite boasting a population of 20,000 people, does not have a hospital. At least not one with a fully tricked out emergency room.
This being the case, when the people of Bainbridge
Continue reading Air Sicko
I once entertained the thought of moving to Bremerton. It was a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.
The reason the notion crossed my mind wasn’t so much my love for Bremerton, but rather, the idea of commuting by boat. I figured that if I lived in Bremerton, I would have to take the ferry almost every day, and that thought appealed to me.
Think about it … as millions of Western Washington commuters piled into automobiles to sit on Interstate 5, I would kick back, relax, and wave to the sea lions as I made my way from one
Continue reading I’m on a Boat
When I tell people that I intend to run for mayor of Seattle, they either laugh or just look at me like I’m crazy. I don’t suppose I really blame them. If they told me that they intended to do the same, I might laugh or look at them like they were crazy as well.
Here’s the thing about my impending mayoral run, though … I’m fully cognizant of the fact that I will not win. I’ll get my vote, my family’s vote (hopefully), the vote of a few friends, and perhaps 20 or 30 novelty votes (I can see
Continue reading Dick for President
A few years ago, Apple sold me a $4,000 computer with a defective graphics chip/logic board. The defective part was the Nvidia 8600M GT GPU, and when it was discovered that the machine was defective, Apple refused to take it back and issue me a refund. Instead, they promised to replace the 8600M GT boards when they failed, up to 4 years from the date of purchase.
Three years later, the board failed, and predictably, Apple refused to replace it. Instead, they used the fact that the machine wouldn’t boot (due to the failed logic board) to deny
Continue reading Seattle Rex vs. Apple: The Verdict Is In
Pike/Pine – Corner of Melrose and Pine Street
I love Pike/Pine. It’s the heart of urban Seattle. It’s the only neighborhood that, at least in my opinion, is equally part of Downtown, First Hill, and Capitol Hill. As someone who lives on the western edge of the neighborhood, it is where I spend probably the majority of my life.
This is why today, I sit here, heartbroken.
According to the Capitol Hill Blog (http://www.capitolhillseattle.com/2012/04/06/developer-acquires-bauhaus-building-with-plans-for-half-block-of-pike-pine-mixed-use), the Southeast corner of Melrose and Pine Street has just been sold.
According to CHS:
“A person with knowledge of the deal said the developer
Continue reading There Goes The Neighborhood
Earlier today, after leaving Emmett Watson’s Oyster Bar, I heard a commotion at the north end of Pike Place, so I walked up to investigate.
When I got there, I noticed that the “Going To Hell Preacher”, who had his young daughter in tow, had drawn a crowd, and the crowd was not happy. The Preacher had told these people that they were going to hell (hence the nickname, see how that works?), and they were none too happy about it.
Now, I encounter Going to Hell Preacher all the time, and even though I find him a
Continue reading Tolerance. Seattle-Style.
Even though Rick Santorum and 98% of Texans claims that it’s un-American to do so, in my opinion, when a man is wrong, he should apologize.
With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to formally and publicly apologize to the people of Las Vegas.
You see, once upon a time, I bestowed the title of “Worst Drivers in America” upon the people of that city, and I’m here to tell you that I was wrrrrrrrrrr. I was wrrrrrrrrrr. I … express regret that my words may have been less than accurate.
Over the past few months,
Continue reading The Worst Drivers in America. A Dissertation.
Well, I did everything I could to avoid it.
I called phone support, I went to the store, I contacted the BBB, I wrote a letter to corporate, I spoke on the phone with the company numerous times, I sent another letter to corporate.
All to no avail.
The last straw was a final email, sent to me by an executive relations employee. This was a person with whom I had already spoken with on the phone 3 times, and all three times, he informed me that “Apple’s position is that we will not replace your computer, etc, etc.”
Continue reading Seattle Rex vs. Apple Inc – Round 3
On Friday, I was driving down Western Avenue, minding my own business, when the email app on my Galaxy Tab chimed.
“Oh good!”, I thought, “My penis pump has finally shipped!”
Since I couldn’t actually read the email, it was just an assumption. Obviously, I would need to verify the contents of the correspondence. Being a responsible citizen of the great state of Cascadia, I didn’t want to read my tablet while driving, so I pulled into the nearest public parking space.
About 15 seconds after parking, before I could even get my tablet unmounted, I received a knock on
Continue reading Cornholed