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You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.
Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.
Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.
Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.
Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason
Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!
Just before 5pm yesterday, I spotted a small protest march making its way up Pike Street.
As they got closer, I could see that they were protesting the state of law enforcement in the USA. They were a diverse mix of protestors, black, white, hipster, suburbanite, middle-eastern, and I was very heartened to see that … even in the absence of a media circus … a small group of people still took time out of their day to stand behind their positions.
I stopped, held out an outstretched thumb pointing upward, and nodded approvingly to each passing protestor. It
Continue reading Unfortunate Sons
“Why is the SPD always involved in controversy?”
I was asked this question about a month ago by someone visiting the city. They were both concerned and intrigued by the amount of national notoriety our police force has received, especially given the fact that Seattle is not a particularly large city.
I explained to them that less than 20% of SPD officers live in the city. I explained that the overwhelming majority of them are suburbanites and ruralites, tasked to police an environment and a people with which they have little off-duty familiarity. When you throw in the fact that
Continue reading Sued by the SPD
Being a Seattleite can be tough sometimes.
While Seattle enjoys a generally positive image from a technical and business perspective, we suffer a fair amount of ridicule when it comes to, well, just about everything else. Unfortunately, as a mostly-underground-yet-marginally-known “blogger” in this town, I am often called to answer for some of our more ridiculous exploits.
Everytime a national news story breaks about something stupid we’ve done, I brace for the inevitable. A predictable string of emails sent either to inform me of what has happened, seek comment on what has happened, or simply to deride me as
Continue reading Brown Bags and Banned Citizens: Seattle’s Insanity Explained
Women are indecisive creatures. Fickle beasts, unable to make up their minds. Emotional, untrustworthy people, unwilling and unable to take responsibility for anything.
These were (some of) the stereotypes prior to 1970. Thank goodness the feminist movement has dispelled such notions by showing everyone the errors of their ways. Or … barring that, has at least frightened and intimidated everyone into at least pretending that those stereotypes are the result of some evil sexist plot.
A couple of weeks ago, a woman named Danielle Campoamor wrote an op-ed in the Seattle Times complaining about the timid-ness of Seattle men. In
Continue reading A Woman’s Prerogative
After watching the above video, you may come to the conclusion that the answer is “yes”.
This is where we are as a society folks. A point where the guy in a superhero costume officially makes more rational, logical sense than does the Mayor, the Chief of Police, and every bobble-headed human teleprompter on every “news” station in town.
Rightly or wrongly, Phoenix Jones takes a lot of criticism from the unwashed masses and the corporate media who bottle-feed said masses their daily dose of recycled shit.
Personally, I’ve always defended the guy. Yeah, I see how the suit
Continue reading The Most Rational Man In Seattle?
For many years, I made a living as a bicycle messenger.
It was a tough job, but in those days, the days before email became ubiquitous, it was one of the few jobs which afforded young proletariat adults a quasi-legal way to make a better-than-minimum wage.
Winter was especially harsh, but due to a reduced number of messengers on the streets that time of year, it was also the most lucrative. Personally, I never missed a day of riding due to weather. Not one, single, solitary day.
I rode in rain, snow, wind, I rode in blizzards, thunderstorms, and
Continue reading The Loneliest Number
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a supporter of gay rights. I’ve voted, marched, donated, volunteered, and tried to reason with those who I felt were honestly misguided.
It is with a heavy heart that I sit here now and realize that I was wrong. Not just wrong, but in many ways, I feel that I was a tool. Used by the “LGBT Community”, and then cast aside once the outcasts became fashionable.
Although it may seem sudden, the awakening has really been a long time in the making. The Space Needle flag controversy, the death
Continue reading Why I’m Voting “No” on Gay Marriage
Will it ever end?
Seattle is currently in the grips of its worst drought ever. We’re closing in on 70 days without any real, sustained rain. We haven’t broken one tenth of an inch since July.
Thanks Lisa Van Cise.
Now, people always say to me “Rex, why do you always blame that pale white girl for the weather? She doesn’t control the weather. You know that, right?”
Oh, you silly, naive people. You’re wrong. Oh so wrong.
You see, as everyone knows, or at least as 93% of Americans know, the weather is controlled by God. The
Continue reading The Lisa Van Cise Drought Continues
I have a very difficult relationship with my blog. I always have. It’s a love/hate relationship if ever there was one.
Lately, however, it’s been more hate than love, and a couple of months ago, I seriously considered hitting the almighty ‘delete’ key and putting the Internet out of its misery. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
Each time I went back and read one of my posts, I always thought “man, what a self-important, narcissistic, negative, misanthropic, whiny piece of shit.”
All I ever do on this thing is complain.
Continue reading Everybody’s a Critic
As recently as the 1950’s in this country, a white man could lynch a black man, and he would most likely get away with it.
While those days are behind us, there are swift outcries when it is perceived by mainstream America that these particular inequities are still taking place. The Trayvon Martin case is a good example of this.
While it would be nice to believe that our newfound sensitivity to certain injustices are born of altruism and enlightenment, the fact of the matter is that society is no less cruel and inhumane than it always has
Continue reading Washington State: Come for the Scenery, Stay for the Misandry
Almost twenty years ago, I was sent by my editor to the Brooklyn Academy of Music.
It was a mayoral election year, and an “A list” celebrity had flown in from Los Angeles to stump for her favorite candidate. On this particular day, it was my assignment to interview, photograph, and write an article about this particular A-lister.
As I was talking to her and taking notes, however, I found myself growing angry. Here was this woman, fresh off the plane from Malibu, and she was telling me why all New Yorkers, real New Yorkers, should vote
Continue reading Oh, No! High Ate Us!
I woke up late this morning. Probably the latest I’ve awakened in the last 5 years.
When I finally got out of bed and glanced at the clock, I realized that I needed to get going … and quick.
I threw some clothes on, grabbed my jacket and camera, then went into the living room where the rest of the family was already immersed in the latest Nintendo Wii title.
“I’m walking down to the Gay Pride parade, if anyone wants to come with me, you have 3 minutes to get ready!”, I said.
My youngest daughter, who was by
Continue reading Of Pride and Penises
Earlier this year, a friend of mine was rushed to Harborview Hospital. To protect his anonymity, and for the sake of clarity, let’s call my friend ‘Doug Thatcher Tha Booty Snatcher’.
Now, the reason Doug was rushed to the hospital is not important, however, the method in which he was rushed is notable.
You see, Doug is a resident of Bainbridge Island … an island which, despite boasting a population of 20,000 people, does not have a hospital. At least not one with a fully tricked out emergency room.
This being the case, when the people of Bainbridge
Continue reading Air Sicko
I once entertained the thought of moving to Bremerton. It was a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.
The reason the notion crossed my mind wasn’t so much my love for Bremerton, but rather, the idea of commuting by boat. I figured that if I lived in Bremerton, I would have to take the ferry almost every day, and that thought appealed to me.
Think about it … as millions of Western Washington commuters piled into automobiles to sit on Interstate 5, I would kick back, relax, and wave to the sea lions as I made my way from one
Continue reading I’m on a Boat
When I tell people that I intend to run for mayor of Seattle, they either laugh or just look at me like I’m crazy. I don’t suppose I really blame them. If they told me that they intended to do the same, I might laugh or look at them like they were crazy as well.
Here’s the thing about my impending mayoral run, though … I’m fully cognizant of the fact that I will not win. I’ll get my vote, my family’s vote (hopefully), the vote of a few friends, and perhaps 20 or 30 novelty votes (I can see
Continue reading Dick for President
A few years ago, Apple sold me a $4,000 computer with a defective graphics chip/logic board. The defective part was the Nvidia 8600M GT GPU, and when it was discovered that the machine was defective, Apple refused to take it back and issue me a refund. Instead, they promised to replace the 8600M GT boards when they failed, up to 4 years from the date of purchase.
Three years later, the board failed, and predictably, Apple refused to replace it. Instead, they used the fact that the machine wouldn’t boot (due to the failed logic board) to deny
Continue reading Seattle Rex vs. Apple: The Verdict Is In
Pike/Pine – Corner of Melrose and Pine Street
I love Pike/Pine. It’s the heart of urban Seattle. It’s the only neighborhood that, at least in my opinion, is equally part of Downtown, First Hill, and Capitol Hill. As someone who lives on the western edge of the neighborhood, it is where I spend probably the majority of my life.
This is why today, I sit here, heartbroken.
According to the Capitol Hill Blog (http://www.capitolhillseattle.com/2012/04/06/developer-acquires-bauhaus-building-with-plans-for-half-block-of-pike-pine-mixed-use), the Southeast corner of Melrose and Pine Street has just been sold.
According to CHS:
“A person with knowledge of the deal said the developer
Continue reading There Goes The Neighborhood
Earlier today, after leaving Emmett Watson’s Oyster Bar, I heard a commotion at the north end of Pike Place, so I walked up to investigate.
When I got there, I noticed that the “Going To Hell Preacher”, who had his young daughter in tow, had drawn a crowd, and the crowd was not happy. The Preacher had told these people that they were going to hell (hence the nickname, see how that works?), and they were none too happy about it.
Now, I encounter Going to Hell Preacher all the time, and even though I find him a
Continue reading Tolerance. Seattle-Style.
Even though Rick Santorum and 98% of Texans claims that it’s un-American to do so, in my opinion, when a man is wrong, he should apologize.
With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to formally and publicly apologize to the people of Las Vegas.
You see, once upon a time, I bestowed the title of “Worst Drivers in America” upon the people of that city, and I’m here to tell you that I was wrrrrrrrrrr. I was wrrrrrrrrrr. I … express regret that my words may have been less than accurate.
Over the past few months,
Continue reading The Worst Drivers in America. A Dissertation.
Well, I did everything I could to avoid it.
I called phone support, I went to the store, I contacted the BBB, I wrote a letter to corporate, I spoke on the phone with the company numerous times, I sent another letter to corporate.
All to no avail.
The last straw was a final email, sent to me by an executive relations employee. This was a person with whom I had already spoken with on the phone 3 times, and all three times, he informed me that “Apple’s position is that we will not replace your computer, etc, etc.”
Continue reading Seattle Rex vs. Apple Inc – Round 3
On Friday, I was driving down Western Avenue, minding my own business, when the email app on my Galaxy Tab chimed.
“Oh good!”, I thought, “My penis pump has finally shipped!”
Since I couldn’t actually read the email, it was just an assumption. Obviously, I would need to verify the contents of the correspondence. Being a responsible citizen of the great state of Cascadia, I didn’t want to read my tablet while driving, so I pulled into the nearest public parking space.
About 15 seconds after parking, before I could even get my tablet unmounted, I received a knock on
Continue reading Cornholed
Well, my friends, the posebag bloggers and their tragically hip followers are out in full force this week.
I mean, look at them go. See all the anger? See all the rage? It certainly looks real, doesn’t it?
You buying any of it?
Some years ago, I had a quite popular website. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I had my share of traffic, my share of hits, my share of whatever comes along with the whole notorious blogger schtick. On that website, I took very honest, but often unpopular positions on a variety of things.
Boy oh boy
Continue reading Posers of the World, Unite!
You know, they all come around eventually.
The renowned breast cancer charity Susan G. Komen for the Cure faced an escalating backlash Thursday over its decision to cut breast screening grants to Planned Parenthood. Some of Komen’s local affiliates are openly upset, including all seven in California, and at least one top official has quit, reportedly in protest.
Meanwhile, Komen has been deluged with negative emails and Facebook postings, accusing it of knuckling under to pressure from anti-abortion groups, since The Associated Press reported on Tuesday that it was halting grants that Planned Parenthood affiliates used for breast exams
Continue reading The Pink Stink
A few hours ago, the above video was posted on YouTube by buzzfeed.
It shows Meg Coyle in an uncomfortable confrontation with a local woman who was upset that King 5 had attracted the Seattle Police Department, who in turn ruined a sledding tradition on Queen Anne Hill (Capitol Hill has a similar tradition).
Instead of apologizing to the community when the producer pulled the shot, esteemed anchor Dennis Bounds mocks the local residents by saying “Waaah waaah waaaah waaaah waaaah”.
Wow, stay classy, Dennis.
King 5 News Anchors – Dennis Bounds and Jean Enersen
This incident was
Continue reading Waaaah Waaaah Waaaah
Not long ago, I was driving in a neighborhood that shall not be named, and I stopped in front of a hospital that shall not be named. A young woman wearing a nurse uniform had flagged me down, and of course, I picked her up.
As soon as she closed her door and I began moving, the woman began sobbing uncontrollably.
I wasn’t exactly sure what I should do, so I reached into my center console, pulled out a small packet of tissues, and handed it to her.
“I’m sorry … I’m so sorry”, she said, “I don’t mean
Continue reading Reefer Madness
It’s 7:00am, and Nirvana’s “School” is blaring through two tiny, yet surprisingly powerful speakers. Supposedly, this song is loosely based on Kurt’s hatred of Seattle and its upper-middle-class cliques. The town which now plasters his face on every museum it has, and is now oh-so-proud to claim him as a native son.
What can I tell you, I love waking up to irony.
7:30am I check my calendar.
7:45am Respond to five emails. Repeat this 10 times over next 12 hours.
7:55am Respond to text message. Repeat this 90 times over next 12 hours.
8:00am Spot photo opportunity. Take shot,
Continue reading Ode to My Android
One second into the new year, I sat and watched the Space Needle fireworks from Capitol Hill.
Afterward, I took the family back home, then headed over to a friend’s crib in Pike/Pine who had texted me for a little help.
I arrived at his place to find roughly 30 people in his tiny studio apartment. About 5 of them where unconscious, and the rest were crowded around a coffee table, pathetically fighting over the remains of an eightball … trying in vain to postpone the inevitable crash until sometime in 2013.
“Dude, that’s all we’ve got left
Continue reading A Rough Start
Just … unbelievable.
Right now, Corky from Life Goes On is sitting in a room somewhere, watching the election results, shaking his head, saying “wow, the voters of Washington sure are dumb!”
After saying “no” one year ago … just one short year ago, the voters of Washington have inexplicably approved nearly the same initiative that they turned down in 2010 — Initiative 1183.
Costco repackaged the same initiative that was turned down last year, except this year, they spent $22 million advertising it on television. This time, it overwhelmingly passed.
And so it is.
This election, November
Continue reading Initiative 1183: Proof That Democracy Does Not Work
Scenic View from West Seattle
Yesterday, I had a couple of hours left on my Zipcar rental, so I decided to take a short trip to the “other” Seattle. West Seattle. Home of Eddie Vedder, Mark Arm, Matt Lukin, and an ambiguously gay junkie named Trent.
I don’t get out to West Seattle as often as I would like, but when I do make it to the other side, I’m reminded that it’s quite possibly the most beautiful of all of Seattle’s unofficial boroughs. The Olympic Mountains to the west, the glistening Puget Sound to the north, and a
Continue reading Almost Heaven … West Seattle