On any given weekend night, I can be spotted on Capitol Hill, shoving Dick’s in my mouth, then sucking on the business end of a long cylinder until it erupts into my mouth with all of its creamy goodness.
Yes, Dick’s hamburgers and milkshakes are still quite good after all these years, not to mention, the source of exactly 27.82% of all juvenile penis jokes told within the Seattle City Limits.
Make that 27.83%.
There’s another reason I eat Dick’s, though. You see, I just happen to be a Swass motherfucker (see 3:24):
“I got a def posse,
Continue reading Eating Dick’s on Capitol Hill
For the majority of human history, businesses have catered to the wants and needs of the customer.
Here in MEattle, we have turned this paradigm on its head. Here, we run businesses for ourselves. We run them for us. We don’t care what you want. At all. We care what we want. And you better fucking tip us or we will snark your ass on Facebook then hang ourselves from a cross on some national morning TV show.
Alas, I’ve all but stopped going to Hot Mamma’s Pizza because every time I do, there’s a line of people waiting
Continue reading MEattle Hospitality
I’ve got this thing where I want to eat at every restaurant in Rexville Seattle (basically the extended boundaries of my neighborhood), regardless of cuisine, price, or quality. I’ve been talking about doing this for years, which means I’ll never actually do it, but we all need goals. Were it not for goals, I never would have snorted an eight of meth in an Aurora Avenue motel room while being blown by an ambiguously gendered prostitute. Setting the goal is always the first step toward completion.
In furtherance of said goal, last night, I chose the Space
Continue reading Sky City
I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.
You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off. It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time. Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction. I mean, why help someone else’s economy
Continue reading How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?
The 2014 Bite of Seattle is upon us, and yesterday, we walked over to the festivities to check it out.
It was crowded, a little too crowded at times, but fun nonetheless. I ate more stuff than I care to remember, about twenty percent of which was actually edible.
The real draw, as usual, was the music, which, although I never happened to be present when the band names were announced, was really good.
Fortunately, the temperatures cooled off a bit, sparing me from both food poisoning and a nose full of B.O. Fine, I wasn’t really “spared” from either,
Continue reading Scenes from the 2014 Bite of Seattle
Dahlia Lounge Exterior
I’m probably not what you would call a “foodie”. In fact, back when I was but a wee lad, I would get punished for not eating. Even today, I generally only eat when my blood sugar gets low enough to be a hinderance. I eat to live instead of the other way around.
That said, I definitely like some foods more than others, and as I grow older, I’ve made an effort to appreciate some of the finer foods in life. I’ve also endeavored to eat in every, single, solitary inner-Seattle restaurant.
There are a couple
Continue reading The Dahlia Lounge & $1 Donut Holes
Pike Grocery at Pike and Boren
Yesterday was an exciting day for yours truly. It’s a day I had been eagerly awaiting for months.
Yesterday, Pike Grocery finally opened its doors, and as soon as my ferry docked, I beat a hasty path to its doors. What I found left me quite pleased.
A grocery, a convenience store, a deli, oh my.
Beer, wine, salty snacks, milk, produce … Pike Grocery has everything an aging hipster could possibly want, and then some … such as 3, count ’em, three different types of creme soda. It’s nirvana for the perpetually-21,
Continue reading The Pike Grocery Grand Opening (and a Pissed-Off Rant About Nothing in Particular)
Home of the highest prices, rudest service, and most expiredest food in all of Capitol Hill.
Despite it all, however, I love the place. It’s like the abusive stepfather with a heart of gold that I never had. Sure, it slaps me around, calls me a worthless sonofabitch, and makes me scrub the toilet with a toothbrush … but it always makes up for it by giving me the last piece of cake, a new toy, or a pat on the head.
Today, I decided to visit my stepfather. I stopped by City Market for lunch, which
Continue reading Capitol Hill Cuisine
Sunday morning usually means brunch at Pike Place Market, and yesterday was no exception.
Shortly after 10, I headed over to Piroshky Piroshky, and this time, I decided to try something different. While I usually get Oscar’s Star or some kind of breakfast concoction, on this day, I decided to broaden my horizons.
Mozzarella, Broccoli, and Mushroom Piroshky
After eyeing the menu for a few moments, I decided on the mozzarella, broccoli, and mushroom piroshky, only because it sounded kind of weird, and after taking a bite, I realized that it tasted like it sounded. Weird. It wasn’t bad
Continue reading My Bambaloni Has a First Name …
Last night, to “celebrate” the completion of a certain project, we headed up to Ballard for a bowl of Mike’s chili.
Some people celebrate with champagne, others with cocaine, but that high-brow, pretentious stuff doesn’t fly with me. If ground beef and kidney beans are good enough for cowboys and hobos, then it’s good enough for me dammit.
On the way up 15th Ave, en-route to the Ballard Bridge, I looked back and spotted a full moon hanging over the Seattle skyline.
“I need to make a quick detour!”, I exclaimed before veering on to the Magnolia Bridge and
Continue reading Moon Over Mike’s Tavern