Seattle Space Needle Reflection at Night

Fresh Meat

Counter

A couple of weeks ago, we went to Pike Place Market to grab some food from the Market Galbee Korean place. When we got there, we were suprised to find that it was no more. In its place was a new food stand called “Pike’s Pit BBQ”.

“What is this?! I don’t like change!!”, I called out, at which point I closed my eyes and held my breath until the gods or whoever put things back the way I had grown accustomed to them. When I opened my eyes, everything was restored to its previous state, so we got

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Specific Dolphin

Mighty O Donuts

General Porpoise Donuts

Extended adolescence. It’s all the rage these days. And instead of shaking my fist at the infantile suburban tourists who pass through Seattle on their post-collegiate staycations, I’ve finally accepted the fact that, short of hiring a few black guys to move to the neighborhood (Sticky Fingaz from Onyx “black”, not suburban-friendly Obama “black”) I can’t do anything to make them leave. That’s right, 2016 will be the year when I finally try to live in harmony with the attention-starved kidults. After all, it’s not their fault that they’re 35 year-old soul-less blank slates, void of

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Eating Dick’s on Capitol Hill

Dick's Drive-Thru

On any given weekend night, I can be spotted on Capitol Hill, shoving Dick’s in my mouth, then sucking on the business end of a long cylinder until it erupts into my mouth with all of its creamy goodness.

Yes, Dick’s hamburgers and milkshakes are still quite good after all these years, not to mention, the source of exactly 27.82% of all juvenile penis jokes told within the Seattle City Limits.

Make that 27.83%.

There’s another reason I eat Dick’s, though. You see, I just happen to be a Swass motherfucker (see 3:24):

“I got a def posse,

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MEattle Hospitality

Resutrant Sign

For the majority of human history, businesses have catered to the wants and needs of the customer.

Here in MEattle, we have turned this paradigm on its head. Here, we run businesses for ourselves. We run them for us. We don’t care what you want. At all. We care what we want. And you better fucking tip us or we will snark your ass on Facebook then hang ourselves from a cross on some national morning TV show.

Alas, I’ve all but stopped going to Hot Mamma’s Pizza because every time I do, there’s a line of people

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Sky City

Lunar Orbiter Ice Cream in the Space Needle Resturant

I’ve got this thing where I want to eat at every restaurant in Rexville Seattle (basically the extended boundaries of my neighborhood), regardless of cuisine, price, or quality. I’ve been talking about doing this for years, which means I’ll never actually do it, but we all need goals. Were it not for goals, I never would have snorted an eight of meth in an Aurora Avenue motel room while being blown by an ambiguously gendered prostitute. Setting the goal is always the first step toward completion.

 

In furtherance of said goal, last night, I chose the Space

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How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Gourmet Caramel Apple

I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.

You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off. It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time. Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction. I mean, why help someone else’s

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Scenes from the 2014 Bite of Seattle

Dancing Man/Woman

The 2014 Bite of Seattle is upon us, and yesterday, we walked over to the festivities to check it out.

It was crowded, a little too crowded at times, but fun nonetheless. I ate more stuff than I care to remember, about twenty percent of which was actually edible.

The real draw, as usual, was the music, which, although I never happened to be present when the band names were announced, was really good.

Fortunately, the temperatures cooled off a bit, sparing me from both food poisoning and a nose full of B.O. Fine, I wasn’t really “spared” from either,

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The Dahlia Lounge & $1 Donut Holes

Salmon & Filet Mignon

Dahlia Lounge Exterior

I’m probably not what you would call a “foodie”. In fact, back when I was but a wee lad, I would get punished for not eating. Even today, I generally only eat when my blood sugar gets low enough to be a hinderance. I eat to live instead of the other way around.

That said, I definitely like some foods more than others, and as I grow older, I’ve made an effort to appreciate some of the finer foods in life. I’ve also endeavored to eat in every, single, solitary inner-Seattle restaurant.

Why?

There are a

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The Pike Grocery Grand Opening (and a Pissed-Off Rant About Nothing in Particular)

Pike Grocery at Pike and Boren

Pike Grocery at Pike and Boren

Yesterday was an exciting day for yours truly. It’s a day I had been eagerly awaiting for months.

Yesterday, Pike Grocery finally opened its doors, and as soon as my ferry docked, I beat a hasty path to its doors. What I found left me quite pleased.

A grocery, a convenience store, a deli, oh my.

Beer, wine, salty snacks, milk, produce … Pike Grocery has everything an aging hipster could possibly want, and then some … such as 3, count ’em, three different types of creme soda. It’s nirvana for the perpetually-21,

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Capitol Hill Cuisine

City Market Deli

City Market.

Home of the highest prices, rudest service, and most expiredest food in all of Capitol Hill.

Despite it all, however, I love the place. It’s like the abusive stepfather with a heart of gold that I never had. Sure, it slaps me around, calls me a worthless sonofabitch, and makes me scrub the toilet with a toothbrush … but it always makes up for it by giving me the last piece of cake, a new toy, or a pat on the head.

Today, I decided to visit my stepfather. I stopped by City Market for lunch, which

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