May 2015
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Concrete Barriers Necessary: Only in Seattle

KinderCare with Barricades

KinderCare with Barricades

What you see above, is concrete barriers outside of a KinderCare in Midtown Seattle.

A few months ago, an automobile failed to stop, and it plowed right through the plate glass windows.  Fortunately it was after-hours and no one was injured (except the car occupants), but had it happened earlier in the day, several children would, without any doubt, be dead.

KinderCare – Boarding Windows

For months, the childcare business had boards on the windows, but they recently got them replaced.  Then, they placed concrete barriers in front of the daycare to prevent the kids

Continue reading Concrete Barriers Necessary: Only in Seattle

Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though

Typical Seattle Driver

Typical Seattle Driver

Don’t worry homocidal suburban drivers.  The SPD still wuvs you.

See, drugs are bad for you, but having a 5,000lb steel bullet roll over your head is full of 8 essential vitamins and minerals!

Besides, laws are for poors and minorities.

Do your thing SPD!  Make the city safe for gentrifiers worldwide! Take it from Ed Murray the Tiger, they’re GREAAAATTTTTTT!

SEATTLE – Seattle and federal law enforcement announced 95 arrests Thursday in a major crackdown on drug dealing and other crimes in the city’s downtown core.

Open air drug dealing has been an ongoing issue

Continue reading Running Red Lights Still Okay, Though

Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle

Car Blocking Intersection

Who looks exactly the way that I look? Me! When I am reading, who’s holding the book? Me! When I want dinner, who always will feed me? Who’s always handy whenever I need me? Firm as a feather in all kinds of weather, Me, me, wonderful me!

-Official song of Seattle Tourists Worldwide

“Seattle Rex exaggerates.”

I know you think it. Frankly, I don’t blame you. I would think the same thing.  I have some weird tales to tell at times.  I see things that, frankly, are not very believable.

I’m aware that there’s a healthy amount of skepticism and disbelief

Continue reading Another Dispatch from the Streets of MEattle

Six People Who Wish They Read Seattle Rex

HOV Violators

So, like, the HOV motorcycle cop is there every morning now, and every morning, he catches a metric assload of HOV violators. He nabbed six at one time this morning (pictured above).

“But how could this be?”, you ask, “You already warned us about this cop.”

Well, Believe it or not, there are a few dozen people in the Seattle area who don’t read Seattle Rex.

And they are paying very dearly for their stupidity.

Unlike you.

If you run across one of these people, feel free to ridicule them. They deserve it.

Continue reading Six People Who Wish They Read Seattle Rex

Monorail Shots

Monorail and Westin Towers

I took a few monorail shots this weekend.  Some of them are on this page.  Some of them aren’t.  Here are the ones that are.

Trains are buses for white people.

Monorails are trains for tourists.

Cutting right through the heart of Belltown and Midtown, as tourist’s trains go, Seattle’s is by far the coolest in the world.

At $2.25 each way, with no round-trip discount, it’s also the most profitable.


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Shooting Fish in a Barrell

HOV Lane Violator

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Seattle could easily be the richest city in the world.  Since everyone more or less agrees that we have the world’s worst drivers, and since they’re not leaving anytime soon, all we’d ever need revenue-wise, is to ticket said shitty drivers.

It would be like printing money.

Let me say that again.


Well, somebody in City Hall must have heard me, because for the past week, local law enforcement agencies have been on a mission.   Everywhere I look, cops are pulling

Continue reading Shooting Fish in a Barrell

The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Wrong-Way Seattle Driver

I could start, author, and maintain an entire blog about shitty Seattle-tourist drivers, and have enough material for multiple articles daily. Hell, sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what I’m doing now.

It’s difficult to explain to non-Seattleites why the topic of our drivers is such a passionate topic.  You just sort of have to live here to understand.

The photos on this page are courtesy of a friend of mine that lives on Bainbridge Island.  One of his family members is in Harborview, which means that for the past week, he’s had to commute back and forth through Downtown

Continue reading The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Better Late Than Never

2nd Avenue Bike Lane

The 2nd Avenue Bike Lanes arrived last week, and so far, from what I’ve seen, they’re getting decent usage.  Especially for being so new.

It’s just too bad another cyclist had to die before they appeared.

A couple of years ago, when Mike McGinn proposed putting more bicycle lanes on Seattle streets, news website comment sections erupted with anger.  People who don’t live in Seattle, and almost exclusively people who don’t live in Seattle, feel very strongly about Seattle having bike lanes.

“If they paint more bike lanes, that’s it!  I’m not going to Seattle anymore!”,

Continue reading Better Late Than Never

Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years

Driver Nearly Running Over Pedestrians

“Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kirkland anymore … there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home …”

“Bicyclists should be licensed and required to carry insurance!”, squawked the friend of a friend.

It’s an argument I’ve had an unbelievable number of times, always with a suburban resident, always with a sports fan. Not that I have anything against sports fans, I’ve just come to realize over time that they tend to be loyal to things and ideas which may or may not be supportable with a logical argument.

“Actually, motorcyclists aren’t even required to carry insurance in

Continue reading Seattle Drivers: Still Bad After All These Years

Feel Safer?

Ferry Dock Security

During yesterday evening’s commute, I noticed a commotion at the ferry dock. When I looked over to see what was going on, it appeared that a half-dozen or so uniformed “agents” had two or three people surrounded. The agents appeared to be Homeland Security, possibly part of the VIPR team, and I believe a State Patrolman was in the mix as well.

“Must be serious”, I thought.

One of the evildoers appeared to be a older woman in a tie-dyed t-shirt, another, a man in only his socks, the third, a middle-aged man.

When I queried one of the dock

Continue reading Feel Safer?

Then There Were Two

New Lanes on Pike Street

Downtown motorists were caught somewhat off-guard this past week when Pike Street became a veritable parking lot during the evening rush hour.

The reason for the backup?

The far right lane of travel east of 5th Avenue has been converted to a bus-only lane. Because of this, as you can see here, both rightmost lanes between 4th & 5th Avenues are now right-turn only.

This is probably beneficial for drivers, as well as near-downtown residents, as the majority of people heading east on Pike are heading for the freeway to leave Seattle. Speaking for all of us down here,

Continue reading Then There Were Two

What’s Long and Hard and Filled With Seamen?

Submarine in the Puget Sound


During my evening commute, while still in the middle of the sound, I felt the captain throw the ferry into reverse thrust.  When I looked out of the window to see what was going on, I spotted what looked like a gigantic whale.  I gathered my things and headed to the bow of the boat, and when I got there, I noticed that the “whale” was in fact a submarine.

I’ve spent hundreds of hours on the Puget Sound, and I’ve seen thousands of different vessels on that body of water, but this was a first for

Continue reading What’s Long and Hard and Filled With Seamen?

SPD Releases SoDo Light Rail Shooting Video

SoDo Shooting Video Screenshot

On June 30th, unarmed light rail fare enforcement officers got into an argument with two men who allegedly did not have proof of fare payment.

The passengers, Oscar Perez Giron and Mario Parra Cetina, were removed from the train at the SoDo Station, and a King’s County Sheriff’s Deputy arrived soon thereafter.

A few minutes later, an altercation ensued, at which point Giron was shot by the deputy.  Supposedly, Giron pulled a gun during the altercation, which he appears to do in the video, although it’s sort of hard to see.

What I don’t understand, is why if Giron

Continue reading SPD Releases SoDo Light Rail Shooting Video

Metro to Cut Bus Service by 16%

King County Metro Bus

“Seattle traffic is so bad!  Somebody needs to do something about it! Why is traffic so bad? Why? Why? Why?”

Well, the people have spoken, and when you find yourself sitting in gridlock this summer … enjoy it.  You earned it.

King County Metro officials say the voters have spoken with the failure of Prop 1 and cuts will be deep. Total, 16 percent of bus service will be cut, including the elimination 72 routes and the reduction 84 more.

Metro General Manager Kevin Desmond said cost cutting measures over the last five or six years and have

Continue reading Metro to Cut Bus Service by 16%

The Wenatchee

The Wenatchee

The Wenatchee

Every day, twice a day.

1/10th of my waking life.

That’s how often, and how much time, respectively, I spend on this aging thing.

Well, either this, or its brother The Tacoma.

Still The Worst Drivers in America

Typical Seattle Driver

Back in 2012, I wrote an article about the absolute atrociousness of the average Seattle tourist driver.

In case you missed it, here it is:

Two years have passed since that post, and as hard as it is to believe, the drivers in this town have actually gotten worse.

Much worse.

Much, much worse.

The only reason I haven’t revisited the subject in the past couple of years, is because there simply are no words to describe the dearth of driving skill and the immense sucktitude of the average Seattle podunk tourist-turned-wannabe-urban-driver.

I’ve often thought of updating my

Continue reading Still The Worst Drivers in America

The University Street Gondola?

Artist rendition of the Seattle Gondola.

Badass.  Just … badass.

“Promise me something”, I remind my daughter nearly every week, “when you become Mayor of this town 20 years from now, you’ll install an escalator on Pike Street, and name it after me … the Rex is a Lazy Ass Memorial Escalator … or something to that effect.”

She always agrees, but between you and me, I think she’s just humoring me.

Fortunately, the point may be moot.

Matthew Roewe, of Via Architecture, said the demolition of the viaduct will take out about 1,200 waterfront parking spaces. But the Convention Center has 1,200 parking

Continue reading The University Street Gondola?

I Hate You


“Gimme, gimme, me, me, it’s mine all mine!”

If the State of Washington had a moto, that’s what it would be.

I don’t think that any sane person would disagree that Seattleites set an unparalleled standard for self-centricity. A standard of self-centricity which is shocking. I don’t mean that lightly. The self-centered nature of the typical Seattleite shocks the conscious. I, on many occasions, stand and marvel, mouth agape, stunned by the complete and utter self-absorption that I see on a daily basis. In my mind, that the average person on the streets of Seattle feels that they are

Continue reading I Hate You

Homoerotic Donkey Porn

Washington Ferry Wi-Fi - SSID

Ah, spring.

Clouds lift, flowers bloom, Rainier peeks out from behind the clouds, and almost as if on queue, Washington State Ferries begin to fill up with the seasonal bane of everyone’s existence … tourists.

“Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!”, shouted the toddler, mere inches from my face.

“She just learned how to say ‘hello’”, gushed the mom from Bumbletwat.

Fuck my life.

You see, when the crowd from Bumbletwat is on vacation, as far as they are concerned, everyone else is on vacation too.

Might I be exhausted and irritable, having been up since 6am, and working an entire

Continue reading Homoerotic Donkey Porn

The Loneliest Number

Ferry Scooters

For many years, I made a living as a bicycle messenger.

It was a tough job, but in those days, the days before email became ubiquitous, it was one of the few jobs which afforded young proletariat adults a quasi-legal way to make a better-than-minimum wage.

Winter was especially harsh, but due to a reduced number of messengers on the streets that time of year, it was also the most lucrative. Personally, I never missed a day of riding due to weather. Not one, single, solitary day.

I rode in rain, snow, wind, I rode in blizzards, thunderstorms, and

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R.I.P. Downtown Seattle Ride-Free Zone

Ride Free Area Ends Poster

Today is the end of an era.

The 40 year-old Downtown Seattle Ride-Free Zone is no moe.

I can hear it now: “Yay! It’s about time those free-loadin’ nigras, homeless people, and all around losers start payin’ ther fayer shayer! I ain’t no socialist! With the exception of public schools, public roads, public police, public fire protection, public jails, public libraries, public stadiums, public wars on some drugs, public military, public agencies that I agree with, medicare, and social security, I AIN’T NO DADGUM SOCIALIST!!!”

As astute as this position is, and trust me, it is — these folks

Continue reading R.I.P. Downtown Seattle Ride-Free Zone


Broadway Streetcar Tracks

The First Hill Streetcar is coming right along.

Which begs the question, with all the buses that run along Broadway … why a streetcar?

Well, the other week, I flipped through a book called “Stuff White People Like”, and I finally found the answer.

147 Public Transportation That Is Not a Bus

147 Public Transportation That Is Not a Bus

“… White people all support the idea of public transportation and will be happy to tell you about how subways and streetcars/trams have helped to energize cities like Chicago and Portland. They will tell you all about

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“Prepare For Abandon Ship”

Seattle Ferry

Seattle Ferry

I just got off the ferry, and this morning’s ride was slightly less than typical.

As we were nearing the middle of the Puget Sound, a voice came over the speakers:

“Would the captain of the Tacoma please come to the bridge …”

Not the biggest deal in the world, as I’ve heard this request at least a couple of times before.

About 3 minutes later, however, another voice came over the speakers, and this one said:

“Would the crew of the Tacoma please prepare for abandon ship!”

My fellow passengers and I looked at each other.

Continue reading “Prepare For Abandon Ship”

Let There Be Rails

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

Tracks for the First Hill Streetcar have finally made their way to Broadway.

It’s both an ugly thing, and a beautiful thing.

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks on Broadway

First Hill Streetcar Rail Tracks

Continue reading Let There Be Rails

Cyclist Memorial at Pike & Boren

Nap Cantwell Memorial at Pike & Boren

Nap Cantwell Memorial at Pike & Boren

On this spot, last week, another cyclist was killed by an automobile driver.

His name was Nap Cantwell.

I actually heard this collision take place, and I’ve been just sick about it ever since. It is why I purposely waited at least one week to mention it. Had I written about it the next day, I probably would have … well, let’s just say that I may have been less than kind to the loser piece of shit drivers that infest my neighborhood on a daily basis.

I digress.

Last week’s death-by-motor-vehicle

Continue reading Cyclist Memorial at Pike & Boren

I’m on a Boat

The Seattle Skyline and The Ferry

I once entertained the thought of moving to Bremerton. It was a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.

The reason the notion crossed my mind wasn’t so much my love for Bremerton, but rather, the idea of commuting by boat. I figured that if I lived in Bremerton, I would have to take the ferry almost every day, and that thought appealed to me.

Think about it … as millions of Western Washington commuters piled into automobiles to sit on Interstate 5, I would kick back, relax, and wave to the sea lions as I made my way from one

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New Photo: The Capitol Hill Subway Station

Capitol Hill Subway Station

Most people call it the “Capitol Hill Light Rail Station”, some call it “The Capitol Hill Link Station”, but I’m not a fan of either of those terms.

I mean, is there a Capitol Hill heavy rail station that I am not aware of?

What is a “Link” anyway?

In my opinion, “Subway” is a universally-recognized, completely accurate term.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, pictured above is the current progress of the new Capitol Hill subway station.

T-4 years and counting …

Continue reading New Photo: The Capitol Hill Subway Station

The First Hill Streetcar Breaks Ground

Seattle Streetcar First Hill Line

I love the SLUT. I love the SLUT so much that I ride it at least once a week, and usually more often. The SLUT is so fun and satisfying, that I have a huge smile on my face each time I get off.

I also ride the South Lake Union Trolley on a frequent basis. South Lake Union Park, The Guitar Center, Scoot About, Whole Foods … it goes to a lot of places that I need to go, and at $0.00 for Orca cardholders, the price is more than right.

As a huge mass transit buff (perhaps “fanatic”

Continue reading The First Hill Streetcar Breaks Ground

Hi! I’m an Asshole!

Asshole Saab Driver

Just thought you should know.

I’m a 20-something douchebag, I drive a Saab 9000, and I have Oregon Plate CL-75384.

So, what makes me an asshole, you ask?

Good question! I’ll tell you …

You see, today, in order to impress cumdumpster (my pet name for the girl riding shotgun), I made an illegal left turn from southbound 1st Avenue onto Pike Street.

“Bad boys turn me on!”, Cummy D had screamed just seconds before, so to make sure the turn was extra-illegal, I made the illegal left turn against an illegal red light. Not only was the

Continue reading Hi! I’m an Asshole!


Two Cars Spun Out on Side of I-5

“Don’t get off the bus ’cause there ain’t nothin’ for you here!”

As I pulled into Tacoma at 7 o’clock this morning, those immortal words kept going through my head.

I did get off the bus, though … figuratively speaking … and all I have to show for it are these lousy Tacoma photographs.

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Tacoma, WA

Returning to Seattle

The Tacoma Dome

Oh well, you get what you pay for.

On my

Continue reading Validation