Chinatown In Bloom

A couple of years ago, YouTube began rejecting or silencing videos en masse because they contained “unauthorized audio”. You’ve no doubt run across one of these soundless videos yourselves. A few months ago, they kicked out one of my movies for this very reason.

In my particular case, however, there was no actual copyright violation. While I was on the street videotaping, a car happened to drive by blasting its stereo, and this audio made it into my video. YouTube would hear nothing of my explanation, though. I was “warned” (via boilerplate message) that if I dared offend again, my account could be sent to hell by Internet God a/k/a Google.

Since that time, I’ve been too paranoid to risk sound-tracking my videos with existing songs. This has left me with only two alternatives:

1) Use royalty-free jingles
2) Record my own stuff

The problem with the first solution is that the royalty-free stuff is ultra-common and repetitious. If you’ve heard “44th Street Long” once (and trust me, you have), you’ve heard it a million times. It is for this reason that I’ve started doing #2 more. Well, that and I’ve added a great deal of fiber to my diet.

Now, when I am done cutting a video, I pick up my guitar and play a completely random two or three chord riff while I’m watching it play back. It’s a completely DIY affair, but it usually comes out sounding like an overdriven aural abortion since any amp gain simply overwhelms the computer microphone. That being said, the tracks are mine, nobody else has them, and it completely solves the copyright issue.

Anyway …

So, I’ve been rolling my eyes at the whole Nirvana corporate circle-jerk this summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the band as much as the next person, probably way more — but when Wells F’ing Fargo got behind the Nirvana retrospective this year, I just couldn’t enjoy the moment.

These days, I’m trying not to be as cynical as I’ve been in the past. I’ve been told it’s the only thing that will keep me out of a grave within the next five years.

I’m thinking about going to a Seahawks game this year, and actually giving a damn who wins. I’m thinking about turning on American Idol this week and picking a favorite. I’m thinking about listening to an entire autotune song, and at the end saying “you know, it had a nice beat”. I’m completely serious. I’ve done everything else in life except for looking on the bright side, and it’s probably high time that I gave it a shot. After all, I went to the Pearl Jam Twenty Movie last month, scored a free ticket from a stranger, and even though the film was completely gratuitous … I really enjoyed it. I allowed myself to enjoy it free from cynical bullshit, and I wasn’t anal raped in the Cinerama bathroom for letting my guard down. I was anal raped in the Cinerama bathroom at my request, solely for my own sexual satisfaction.

And so, with that in mind, I too shall bathe in the warm fuzziness that is the 20th Anniversary of the release of Nevermind … a record so great that it convinced both Boeing and J.P. Morgan Chase to publicly endorse dropping out of school to play power chords, shoot smack, and fuck Courtney Love the ethics of punk rock. I will allow myself to enjoy this moment too.

To celebrate the landmark release of Nevermind, for the next, oh, month or so, I will play a Nirvana song over my videos with a single guitar. In the spirit of real punk rock (as opposed to the one sponsored by J.P. Morgan Chase), I shall do it in one take, solely from memory, and I will make no edits … no matter how badly I screw up. Since I haven’t played the songs in damn near a decade, I won’t lie, it’s not going to be pretty.

If all goes according to plan, my already lame videos are about to get downright unwatchable. I have, however, heeded the advice of others and cut the length of the scooter vids. Since the urge to vomit usually hits around the two-minute mark, I’ve endeavored to keep my ride movies around the 1 – 1 1/2 minute range.

And so, without further ado, I give you a video of my latest ride through Seattle’s Chinatown a/k/a The International District a/k/a The I.D. … a video which is 100% free from the tyrannical grip of Sony BMG. Enjoy.