Seattle Space Needle Reflection at Night

Dude Looks Like a ………… Dude?

Man with Flower Lei

I made a resolution at the beginning of 2016.  I decided to make an effort, a real effort, to just ignore the insanity around me.  After all, what can I do?  What can one person do when the masses have collectively gone insane?  What can you do when tens of thousands of people around you start saying provably irrational things?  Things like “gender is 100% determined by society, and has no basis whatsoever in biology”?

“What about chromosomes?”, you wonder, “I thought chromosomes determined ones gender?  I thought XX equaled female and XY equaled male? How does society determine which chromosomes a person has? Is the sole reason I cannot give birth, that society has not agreed that I can?”

These seem like rational questions.  After all, I was taught about chromosomes in mainstream, establishment, government schools, and not at some right-wing wingnut convention.  I guess science no longer matters, though.

But wait a minute …

The same people, the exact same people who tell me that I’m wrong to believe in chromosomes, those very same people, have been ridiculing, boycotting even, those people who dispute the scientific community’s consensus on climate change.  They tell me that I’d have to be insane not to believe the consensus of the scientific community, right before telling me that I’d have to be insane to believe the scientific community.

Talk about a rock and a hard place.

The only way to be seen as a good, decent, intelligent person in 2016 Seattle, is by supporting a large number of contradictory positions, while snarking at anyone who points out that the positions cannot co-exist.  Not that we’re supposed to, you know, care, that they cannot coexist.  Truth be told, we don’t have to actually believe these things, we just need to act like we do.

Yes, in order not to be heavily criticized, and to not lose my means of supporting myself and my family in some circumstances, I have to believe, or pretend to believe, the mandates of a rich and powerful political party. All of them, regardless of the fact that the mandates obviously contradict each other.

Oh, and despite the fact that all of the above is the very definition of “religion”, I am supposed to ridicule religious people, except for the religious people that the powerful party tells me not to ridicule, even though the more affluent members of the party reserve the right to ridicule them should they be so inclined.

Furthermore, in order to be a decent person, I have to call for the ostracization and the boycott of poor people, who held the exact same positions as the candidates I was supposed to have voted for not more than 4 years ago.

No, really.  These things are honestly and truly, without any exaggeration whatsoever, what the majority of those around me think, or pretend to think.  Not only that, but they attack me, only anonymously, online, or when they have me outnumbered, but still, they criticize me for not holding the exact same opinions.

They’re insane, right?  I mean, they just gotta be, don’t they?  Who in the hell could possibly hold a bunch of contradictory opinions, yet, not know that they contradict each other?  Especially people as educated as the average Seattleite?

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  It’s not possible for everyone else to be insane.  When everyone else seems insane, it means that you’re insane, and perhaps you’re right.  I’ve thought it many times myself. It’s entirely possible that I myself am nuttier than a squirrel’s turd, and have completely broken with reality.  If that is true, though, what can I do about it?

The answer is: nothing.

Sure, there are medications which can help insane people, but those only serve to deplete catecholamines in the brain, and thus reduce the activity of the central nervous system.  They don’t cure insanity.  Ether way, I’m stuck.  Either the inmates run the asylum, or I’m the only inmate, but that I live in an asylum can hardly even be debated anymore.  This being the case, does it even fucking matter which is which?  Not really.

Sound extreme?

Yes. Yes it does.  It sounds like the ramblings of a man who’s crazier than a rat in a tin shithouse. I’ve clearly gone cuckoo for cocoa-puffs. The masses can’t possibly be insane.

Or …

can they?

Seattle Parks and Recreation is facing a first-of-a-kind challenge to gender bathroom rules. A man undressed in a women’s locker room, citing a new state rule that allows people to choose a bathroom based on gender identity.

It was a busy time at Evans Pool around 5:30pm Monday February 8. The pool was open for lap swim. According to Seattle Parks and Recreation, a man wearing board shorts entered the women’s locker room and took off his shirt. Women alerted staff, who told the man to leave, but he said “the law has changed and I have a right to be here.”

“Really bizarre,” MaryAnne Sato said. “I can’t imagine why they would want to do that anyway!”

Sato uses the locker room a few times a week, but she says this is a first for her. It’s also a first for Seattle Parks and Recreation. Employees report that the man made no verbal or physical attempt to identify as a woman, yet he still cited a new rule that allows bathroom choice based on gender identification.

The issue drew protesters from both sides to Olympia on Monday. Opponents claim the rule opens up bathrooms to voyeurs but supporters say that’s an unrealistic fear.

No one was arrested in this case and police weren’t called, even though the man returned a second time while young girls were changing for swim practice.

“Sort of works against the point they’re trying to make. They’re causing people to feel exposed and vulnerable with the intention of reducing people feeling exposed and vulnerable,” said pool regular Aldan Shank.

The man’s protest, if that’s what it was, hurts the greater cause, Shank says.

As far as policy to protect everyone, Seattle Parks spokesman David Takami says they’re still working on the issue. Right now, there’s no specific protocol for how someone should demonstrate their gender in order to access a bathroom.  Employees just rely on verbal identification or physical appearance, and this man offered neither.

“This didn’t seem like a transgender issue to staff – someone who was “identifying” as a woman,” Takami wrote in a statement to KING 5. “We have guidelines that allow transgender individuals to use restrooms and locker rooms consistent with their gender identity. We want everyone to feel comfortable in our facilities.”


Alright, so let me summarize our latest mandates:

• Gender cannot be determined by physical appearance.

• If you claim to be able to determine gender by physical appearance, you should lose your job, and be excoriated by the sum total of Twitter until the snark queens and kings of that service are satisfied that you have acquiesced to the mandates of a powerful political party, which itself was anti-gay-marriage until a few short years ago.

• Even though gender cannot be determined by appearance, you can, however, determine whether or not someone is genuinely transgender by looking to see if their physical appearance matches the physical appearance of the gender with which they claim to identify.

• If you use appearance to determined gender in order to ascertain the sincerity of a transgender person, then, and only then, can you escape the Twitter/employment punishment detailed above.

• The above point is true so long as you ascertain correctly.  Perfection is a must. If you err, even once, and exclude a wealthy-party-recognized transgender person from say, a locker room … well, let’s just say that the Snark Queens will be neither kind nor understanding, but they may be anonymous.

• No, really, these are our official positions, and you do not see any contradiction between them in any way, shape, or form. None.

• Hatred is tolerance, homogeny is diversity, obedience is freedom, and the Emperor is wearing a fine suit of clothes.  Not only do you admire them, you think the clothes are amazing, and you will use social media to ensure that everyone you know thinks his new clothes are amazing.

And there you have it.

All the proof you need.

Since none of this makes any sense to me; since the contradictions in positions jump out at me immediately; I am clearly, clearly, insane.

It’s the only explanation.

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