Capitol Hill Block Party? Pfffft.
Everyone who is anyone knows that the only thing of importance going down this summer is Seattle Rexfest 2011. I’ve been scouting locations this weekend for our massive festival, but I am still narrowing the possibilities down.
Now, I’m sure some of you are asking … “What the hell is Rexfest?”
Well, I’ll tell you.
Rexfest is the only thing in the world that truly matters. Everything else is little more than a desperate cry for help.
On July 15-17th, readers of this blog from all over the country (and some third-world ghetto called “Canada”) shall descend on Seattle to pillage, plunder, and take back the streets which were rightfully ours to begin with.
It will be chaos. It will be anarchy.
We will arrest the police, panhandle the homeless, and make UW feminists cook us meatloaf without burning it. Oh god help them if they burn the meatloaf.
We’ll purify the city’s heroin supply, rebuild the viaduct, and restore the virginity of wayward crack whores.
Why are we going to do all of this?
It’s just what we do.
What about you, though? The reader who has yet to commit to this year’s massive gathering. Think you have what it takes to be a part of Rexfest 2011?
Well, you’re wrong.
You were foolish for even entertaining the thought.