May 4, 2013

Last Monday, I was speaking with someone about the upcoming May Day festivities. “Seattle doesn’t have riots”, I told him, “we have hissy fits.” Shortly before the protests started, I explained to another person, “Seattle riots are different than most. Here, there’ll be 100 white guys with $5,000 cameras trying to make...

Apr 30, 2013

You rallied. You begged. Washington basketball fans have been shitting David Stern’s semen for the last 4 years, and when it came time to man up, extend a middle finger, and send that asshole packing, what did you all do? You got down on your hands and knees like a bunch of little bitches and took a load right in the face. Pow! Right in the kisser! So,...

Feb 27, 2013

Work on the Westlake Park Playground has begun. Soon, bums will have something new to urinate on, and you too will be able to buy crack from the bottom of a sliding board. Update: Photos taken on March 1, 2013:

Feb 2, 2013

For many years, I made a living as a bicycle messenger. It was a tough job, but in those days, the days before email became ubiquitous, it was one of the few jobs which afforded young proletariat adults a quasi-legal way to make a better-than-minimum wage. Winter was especially harsh, but due to a reduced number of messengers on the streets that time of year,...

Jan 1, 2013

You know, sometimes I envy suburban tourists. I truly do. After all, they don’t have to wait 10 minutes each way for an elevator when they leave their homes; don’t have to smell what 15 people are cooking for dinner … at the same time; don’t have to listen to their neighbor argue with her partner at 2am every morning. After coming home...

Nov 13, 2012

Yesterday was an exciting day for yours truly. It’s a day I had been eagerly awaiting for months. Yesterday, Pike Grocery finally opened its doors, and as soon as my ferry docked, I beat a hasty path to its doors. What I found left me quite pleased. A grocery, a convenience store, a deli, oh my. Beer, wine, salty snacks, milk, produce … Pike...

Oct 29, 2012

Yesterday, “Hilloween” (Capitol Hill Halloween) was once again celebrated in Cal Anderson Park. Kids aged 1-51 got freebies from local businesses, played games, and were treated to concerts from a variety of performers … the most popular being the Recess Monkey, a children’s music group based right here in Seattle. The festivities were...

Oct 6, 2012

“You’ll get sick of it!”, they tell me, “I promise, you’ll get sick of it quick!” I’m in my sixth month of daily ferry commuting, and honestly, I don’t know that I’d have it any other way. Were my company to offer to move across the street from my home, I don’t know that I’d accept. Twice a day,...

Sep 29, 2012

Today is the end of an era. The 40 year-old Downtown Seattle Ride-Free Zone is no moe. I can hear it now: “Yay! It’s about time those free-loadin’ nigras, homeless people, and all around losers start payin’ ther fayer shayer! I ain’t no socialist! With the exception of public schools, public roads, public police, public fire...

Sep 16, 2012

A couple of years ago, I was in an Olympia grocery co-op, when I heard a commotion behind me. “Oh my goodness, you’re so BEAUTIFUL!” I looked around, and I saw a middle-aged white woman motioning to another middle-aged white woman to come to where she was standing. “Isn’t she so BEAUTIFUL!”, the first woman...

Sep 14, 2012

Woo-hoo. My street, Pike Street, is about to get a brand-spanking new grocery store. Soon to be located at the corner of Pike & Boren, the Pike Grocery looks to be just a couple of weeks away from launch. I for one welcome our new grocery overlords. My money will soon be theirs for the taking. Supposedly, the owner (who has a few other groceries in Seattle)...

Jun 22, 2012

The inside is nearly finished, and employees have arrived. It looks as if the Target on 2nd & Pike is just about ready.

Jun 15, 2012

On this spot, last week, another cyclist was killed by an automobile driver. His name was Nap Cantwell. I actually heard this collision take place, and I’ve been just sick about it ever since. It is why I purposely waited at least one week to mention it. Had I written about it the next day, I probably would have … well, let’s just say that I...

Jun 11, 2012

Earlier this year, a friend of mine was rushed to Harborview Hospital. To protect his anonymity, and for the sake of clarity, let’s call my friend ‘Doug Thatcher Tha Booty Snatcher’. Now, the reason Doug was rushed to the hospital is not important, however, the method in which he was rushed is notable. You see, Doug is a resident of...

Jun 3, 2012

“World-Class” It’s a term that is invoked quite often in Seattle, and it’s a term that draws equal amounts approval and ire from the city’s inhabitants. Most of the approval comes from real estate types, Chamber of Commerce boosters, and assorted carpetbaggers who are more than eager to turn whatever goodwill the city may have into...

May 30, 2012

It’s an unfortunate statement to make, but I’m used to violent crime. Over the course of my life, I’ve lived in Washington DC, New York City, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Seattle. In each of these cases, I lived in what would be considered the “inner-city”, where violent crime was, sadly, a routine occurrence. This being the case,...

May 29, 2012

I once entertained the thought of moving to Bremerton. It was a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless. The reason the notion crossed my mind wasn’t so much my love for Bremerton, but rather, the idea of commuting by boat. I figured that if I lived in Bremerton, I would have to take the ferry almost every day, and that thought appealed to me. Think...

May 19, 2012

I know, I know, department store updates aren’t sexy, and most people don’t understand what the big deal is, but Downtown Seattle’s new “City Target” is somewhat of a big development for those of us who live down here in the core … places like Downtown, Pike-Pine, First Hill, Belltown, etc. It will change our shopping...

May 9, 2012

I had my doubts, but it looks as though Target really is planning to open a Downtown Seattle store in the near future. The windows are being prepped and everything. Apparently, it will be called “City Target”, although how this will differ from a regular Target is not entirely clear. If I had to guess, I would speculate that regular Targets mean...

May 9, 2012

All hail the liberation of Pike-Pine! The BMW Concentration Camp, where thousands upon thousands of good, upstanding people were sentenced to years upon years of hard douchebaggery, is finally coming down. In its place will be … wait … what? … oh fuck me … another douchebag dormitory? Really? Details of the new project are on the Capitol...

May 3, 2012

I should have known that things were a bit screwy when I passed the couple rolling enormous joints. There they sat, a male and a female, on a bench, near the entrance to Freeway Park, rolling big, fat joints from a pile of marijuana about 8 inches high. Have you ever had one of those days when things just seem off? You can’t put your finger on it, but...

Apr 28, 2012

I’ve been having a running argument in my forums with a guy over gun rights. He thinks all guns should be taken away from people, and I think that everyone needs to be their own police officers. Today, courtesy of the SPD, my own stance was hardened. As I was filming a “War on Women Rally” (more on that later), I heard a commotion coming from...

Mar 18, 2012

Today, while walking up 5th Avenue, I encountered a woman with a very special friend. That friend was a rat. As one who has lived in large cities for the majority of my life, I have a strong bias against rats, as I’ve never encountered them in anything other than gross situations. Trash bins, sewers, subway tunnels, carcasses, etc. Just thinking about...

Mar 13, 2012

Even though Rick Santorum and 98% of Texans claims that it’s un-American to do so, in my opinion, when a man is wrong, he should apologize. With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to formally and publicly apologize to the people of Las Vegas. You see, once upon a time, I bestowed the title of “Worst Drivers in America” upon...

Mar 6, 2012

During the course of any given day, I encounter between 5 and 10 wrong-way drivers. While all cities have such drivers from time to time, their sheer volume is something that is quite unique to Seattle. If I personally encounter five to ten per day, imagine how many of these drivers truly exist. Moments ago, I stumbled upon an accident scene in LQA. I...