May 19, 2013

Are they man? Are they astro-man? The venerable group from Sector 7G (or Auburn, Alabama, depending on who you believe). The sarcastic question never got old last night. Or rather, it did, and I just didn’t particularly care. “Hey, is that beer, or astro-beer? Even today, a full 24 hours later, I’ve somehow managed to keep it...

May 8, 2013

Goddamn weirdos. Nobody wants to see a show called “Bankers”.

Apr 30, 2013

You rallied. You begged. Washington basketball fans have been shitting David Stern’s semen for the last 4 years, and when it came time to man up, extend a middle finger, and send that asshole packing, what did you all do? You got down on your hands and knees like a bunch of little bitches and took a load right in the face. Pow! Right in the kisser! So,...

Apr 26, 2013

I have a well-established track record of staking out wildly-unpopular-at-the-time positions, which, sometimes years later … become far more popular positions. When I first started “blogging”, I took a lot of flak for using four-letter words. I was called classless, compared to trailer trash, and people rushed to distance themselves from me. ...

Apr 21, 2013

This Capitol Hill resident posted a sign notifying birds that they are not welcome in his unit, but it was a complete waste of ink and paper because as everyone knows, birds can’t rea … wait a minute … hold on here … awwwwwwwwwwwwwww … I see what this guy did here! Touche’, random attention whore …...

Apr 21, 2013

Apr 21, 2013

“Hey, with the check my dad sent me, let’s open up an eatery in one of Seattle’s main tourist attractions, then get all shitty about people with cameras.” “Sure.  My mom says I should be a model anyway, and that people should charge for pictures of me.” “Cool, my mom says I’m special too.” “Wanna get...

Apr 7, 2013

Ah, spring. Clouds lift, flowers bloom, Rainier peeks out from behind the clouds, and almost as if on queue, Washington State Ferries begin to fill up with the seasonal bane of everyone’s existence … tourists. “Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!”, shouted the toddler, mere inches from my face. “She just learned how to say...

Mar 26, 2013

On my way to work yesterday, I looked out the window and spotted what looked like the ugliest whale I’d ever seen. Alas, it wasn’t a whale at all … as it turns out, what I saw was this cool death machine that I bought with my very own tax money … built to strike fear into the hearts of terrrrsts worldwide. Just say no to weapons, kids,...

Mar 12, 2013

Feb 26, 2013

Feb 10, 2013

Queen Anne says, “We love Easy Street!” King County says, “We love Easy Street too! We proclaim them Business of the Year!” Chase Bank says, “We love Easy Street’s building! Gimme!” The landlord says, “Right away!” Mike McGinn says, “There’s nothing I can do!” Seattle Rex says,...

Feb 2, 2013

For many years, I made a living as a bicycle messenger. It was a tough job, but in those days, the days before email became ubiquitous, it was one of the few jobs which afforded young proletariat adults a quasi-legal way to make a better-than-minimum wage. Winter was especially harsh, but due to a reduced number of messengers on the streets that time of year,...

Jan 20, 2013

This afternoon, Easy Street Records in Lower Queen Anne opened one last time to auction off its remaining inventory. Armed with $50 or so, I went down to pay my final respects, and to perhaps pick up an item or two as well. I figured that I might pick up a poster for $15, a rare record for $20 … or something along those lines. I would soon find out,...

Jan 12, 2013

snow day noun a day on which public schools or other institutions are closed due to heavy snow. What child doesn’t love a snow day? A day off from school to play games, build snow men, go sledding … why, it ranks right up there with Christmas for most kids. Earlier today, my daughter informed me that there was going to be a giant snowball fight at...

Jan 10, 2013

In case you haven’t heard, speculation has begun to run rampant here in Emerald City about the possibility of the Sonics returning to Seattle, by way of the Sacramento Kings. Rumor has it that they would play in Key Arena for two seasons before moving into a new arena in SODO. While this is technically still a rumor, started by a single tweet, it’s...

Jan 8, 2013

I was up watching SNL this weekend so I could catch The206 afterward. The206, was good, but 15 minutes of commercials for a 30 minute show, and watching Keister pimping local businesses made me realize just how much the country has changed since Almost Live’s heydey. The in-your-face emphasis on the show making money wasn’t lost on anyone, but you...

Jan 6, 2013

Today, my hometown football team beat my hometown football team. The Seahags prevailed over the Foreskins, which means that tickets to next year’s games, as well as team merchandise, will almost certainly increase. Being the ‘Hags 12th man is a little like being an abused spouse. The team doesn’t give a shit about me, and they rip me off...

Jan 5, 2013

How cold was it this past week? Cold enough to play basketball on Cal Anderson Park’s water whateveritis thing. For reasons unknown, the basketball was abandoned by its owner, as was an orange (middle-left of last photo). I can just see the 39 year-old kidult throwing it in there while screaming “I took Vitamin C before my dodgeball game last...

Dec 25, 2012

Comcast: Comcast technical support, may I help you? Me: Good evening, my cable modem has lost sync. Comcast: What’s your phone number? Me: 2-0-6-8-6-7-5-3-0-9 Comcast: Give me just a minute. Me: No problem. (a minute later) Comcast: And what operating system are you using? Me: It doesn’t matter. Comcast: Well, we only support Windows and Mac...

Dec 24, 2012

What better way to celebrate the birth of HeyZeus than going to Seattle’s north side to look at Christmas lights?  Why, it’s a Seattle Christmas tradition. Our first stop tonight was Candy Cane Lane in Ravenna, perhaps the best-known of all Seattle Christmas streets. As usual, the lights at CCL were quite engaging. I just wish it was possible to go...

Nov 25, 2012

Nov 22, 2012

Democrats … Republicans … Tea Partiers … Batshits … Wingnuts … Screwballs … Good God is it any wonder why this country is one flush away from joining the Roman Empire at the bottom of the civilization septic tank? When the corrupt government’s main opposition is retarded fucksticks like the douchejockeys pictured above,...

Nov 13, 2012

Yesterday was an exciting day for yours truly. It’s a day I had been eagerly awaiting for months. Yesterday, Pike Grocery finally opened its doors, and as soon as my ferry docked, I beat a hasty path to its doors. What I found left me quite pleased. A grocery, a convenience store, a deli, oh my. Beer, wine, salty snacks, milk, produce … Pike...

Oct 30, 2012

October 2010: “We think the ten-inch screen size is the minimum size required to create great tablet apps . . . the current crop of seven-inch tablets are going to be DOA–dead on arrival. Their manufacturers will learn the painful lesson that their tablets are too small and increase the size next year, thereby abandoning both customers and developers...