Life sucks but I can’t afford a proper coke habit, so when I am in a bad mood I do the next best thing … gamble.
You see, people have been looking for the meaning of life since the Australopithecus afarensis evolved into the Homo sapien.
It is this search for the meaning of life that gave way to the phenomenon known as “religion”, a set of superstitions which has served as a limiter of human intelligence for tens of thousands of years.
Were it not for religion, I believe that by now we would all be flying to work on distant planets in personal spacecrafts while enjoying 500 year life-spans in the absence of disease and pestilence, instead of devolving into the dystopian dipshitocracy we see before our very eyes. I honestly believe that we have peaked as a species, and are now regressing in worldwide average intellect. I blame Kanye West for most of it.
The meaning of life is really not the least bit complicated. I know why we’re here. I’ve known for a long time.
It’s hard to believe that in 2009, the only place you will find the true meaning of life is on a blog authored by an idiot, but this only proves how far we have fallen as a society.
After I reveal this, you can all drop out of church and stop going to the shrink, because I am completely right and your clergy and analysts are completely wrong.
Are you ready? Here it is. Humans exist for one reason:
To pursue dopamine release.
Dopamine is the meaning of life.
That’s it. That’s all there is. I swear to G … well, I just swear.
Now, to be intellectually honest, my explanation is a simplification. For the sake of brevity, I am using dopamine as a catch-all for the many other neurotransmitters and hormones that provide contentment and reward such as Beta-Endorphin, Serotonin, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, etc … but the basic point is the same.
Why do we work?
So we can purchase things that causes us to produce dopamine.
What causes us to produce dopamine?
Procuring new possessions, eating, orgasms, exercise, music, watching sports … most anything that we want to do.
We will endure long periods of diminished dopamine, but we will typically not be happy doing so, and we will usually only do it because it provides for the promise of future dopamine. This is why we hate Mondays and love Fridays. Most of us pursue dopamine on the weekends (drinking, sports, etc), and the further away from dopamine we are, the less happy we are.
Human behavior is 100% mediated by neurochemical/neurohormonal changes in the brain, and every action taken by the human animal is done so to persuade the body to produce these particular substances.
If we cannot produce enough of these chemicals internally, we are driven to supplement as we were naturally intended to do. The chemicals found in the opium poppy so closely mimic those found endogenously in the body, that it would be naïve to think that they did not exist primarily for human consumption. God is morphine and heroin is extra-strength God.
Researchers have performed imaging studies on human craniums, and they have found that the activation of brain centers during prayer are almost identical to those after the ingestion of certain illicit substances. That’s right, religion is a drug. People pray because it releases neurochemicals.
“Heaven” is not a place, it’s a state of mind. It’s the inhibition of dopamine transporters in the mesolimbic reward pathway.
This also means that everything is a drug. Whacking off, eating fried food, jumping out of airplanes, they are simply different methods to achieve the same goal.
The production of dopamine.
Of course, there is also one of the most potent dopamine-producers known to man:
The state of anxious anticipation as you wait for the slot reel to release a flood of neurotransmitters. The more you have on the line, the higher you get, and when you win big … it’s the equivalent of the simultaneous injection of three speedballs.
This is why people have been gambling almost since the dawn of man. It’s a potent anti-depressant, and since winning floods the brain with chemicals, gambling establishes a clear and indistinguishable link in the pursuit of dopamine.
Last night, I pursued this myself. I was in a filthnasty, pugfugly, smegmatic mood, and I needed a boost.
I walked over to my preferred gambling destination, Downtown, and I indulged in a wide variety of dopamine-inducing endeavors.
I played Video Poker, Blackjack, and I even engaged in a rousing game of Penny Slots. I ate shrimp, watched a few concerts, and stood in awe at the gigantic flashing screen above my head. It didn’t cure me, but I could feel my mood lift slightly. I had procured my dopamine. At least enough to allow me to go back home and drift off to sleep.
You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
And what we all need, my friends, is just a little more dopamine.