Today, I headed over to the Seattle Center International Fountain, and when I got there, I was horrified by what I found.
Since it was 85 degrees outside, there were young bathing-suit-clad children frolicking in the fountain, and everywhere I looked, there were people with cameras. Some people had cellphone cameras, others had consumer-grade handheld cameras, and still others had gigantic zoom lenses.
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Good God, The Seattle P.I. was right!
Seattle Center is completely overrun with child molesters!
I tried to summon Seattle Center security, but there were no guards to be found. I tried to find an SPD Officer, but they were also absent. Contrary to what they said two weeks ago, it is obvious that the authorities in our city have all but abandoned the welfare of our children!
Fortunately, the Seattle P.I. is on the case. They are the only paper in town willing to openly publish photographs of suspected perverts, and because of that, I would like to take this opportunity to give the Seattle P.I. carte’ blanche to use the photos in this post to help track down these potential abusers.
Everyone pictured on this page was taking pictures of children at the Seattle International Fountain between Noon and 3pm today. If you recognize any of these people, please contact The Seattle P.I., Seattle Center Security, or the SPD at once.
Together, we can make a difference.
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Taking Photos at the International Fountain
Wow–the pervs come in every size, race, sex, and age! Good thing you were there to capture their evildoing. After all, “If you see something, say something.”
Frivolous lawsuit filed against Rex by at least one person in this post in 3…2…1…
Both Seattle Center and the SPD, via the media, stated that law enforcement and security are interested in people who photograph children at the International Fountain. Especially those that use a “telephoto lens”.
I am just doing my civic duty. Protecting the Homeland.
The PI got scared, though, as well they should have.
If you look at the linked article, the Seattle PI took down their photo of the alleged molester and rewrote their article. To my knowledge, they did not issue a retraction of any kind, though.
Obviously (if your IQ is north of 85), this post is a parody. None of these people are doing anything wrong. At all. That was more or less the point.
Calling the cops on any of these people would be absurd … almost as absurd as the Seattle PI posting their pictures while making actual accusations of molestation against them.
Photography is not a crime, and photographers are not criminals, terrorists, or molesters for the mere act of taking photographs. The fact that any police officer or security guard would even imply otherwise should be a fireable offense.
People that don’t know the law have no business enforcing it.
Good stuff Rex… shared as usual on the Seattleites page on FB… btw we also shared your Google+ post…
E
Thanks, Eric. I appreciate it.
I’ve always enjoyed the SCPC (Seattle Center Pervert Convention). It’s a nice way to tide me over until the AEE in January.
You should have borrowed that big orange hat that the one guy is holding, would have helped your sunburn :-)
Whoever created this page is a gigantuous fucking moron. I want to stab people like you honestly, take a step back, stop breathing, for good, for the greater good.
i got questioned by the police for 20 minutes last Mothers day, some lady called them. Police were very nice, I guess I made the lady feel uncomfortable, which I don’t want to do. I was just looking for some good water shots, not kids. Just so many kids there, hard to get good water shots without them.
Good thing your post is a parody, or you would be questioned by police instead of me. Funny, but in way not so funny.