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Viaductmegaddonpaloozastockdoomfest

Alaskan Way Viaduct

Alaskan Way Viaduct

Well, we all knew it was coming.

Starting this afternoon, the Viaduct is closing for about a week, and this development is going to royally fuck me sideways with a yardstick.

I’ve been at my temp/part-time/however-long-I-feel-like-doing-it job for two weeks now, and I take the Viaduct at least 4 times each day. As a matter of fact, it’s my preferred route to and from the airport since it’s completely bereft of eastside drivers. I’m 100% completely serious. If there is anything I have learned in the past fifteen days, it’s that native Seattleite drivers really aren’t that bad. It’s the 600,000 Californians that have moved here in the past 20 years who can’t drive for shit.

“Oh noooooo it’s raining again I’m so depressed Lisa Van Cise promised it would be sunny but the clouds are back and nobody ever told me it was rainy in seattle i thought the weather here was supposed to be the same as anaheim *SMACK* oh noes I rears ended someone it’s a bicyclist’s fault wheres my four billion dollar tunnel?”

Assholes.

In any event, our beloved Viaduct is about to be taken away and I’m actually quite upset about it. It’s going to have a very negative impact on my day-to-day life. Fortunately, it will be back in about a week’s time, but that week is going to be rough.

This week will also be a trial run for the real thing. Eventually, the Viaduct is going away, and in its place will be a tunnel which will cost up to $5 each way to travel.

That, my friends, will be a sad day for Seattle.

The Viaduct is arguably the most beautiful 3 miles of urban highway in the world. You glide 100 feet in the air at 50Mph — to the left, ferries crossing the Puget Sound in front of the snow-covered Olympic Mountains — to the right, perhaps the most inspiring skyline on the planet. The Viaduct is as integral a part of Seattle’s scenescape as is the Space Needle. Okay, maybe not as integral as the Space Needle, but it’s up there. Opened in 1953, it’s been around for longer than most of us have been alive.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … if an earthquake strikes while I’m driving down the Viaduct, then it was my time to go. On the list of things that are likely to get you, the mystery meat at Taco Bell is a more likely cause of death than the big one striking while you’re on 99.

The only thing worse than the Viaduct closing this week, however, is the local media’s hysteria over the closing. As if any of them truly give a damn. In a fit of “me-too”ism, the local yapping heads have been working overtime to think of a name for the closure. You know, like LA’s “Carmegeddon”.

So far, they’ve come up with “Viadoom”, “Viaduct Crunch”, and some other unoriginal nonsense (is “Viaduct closure” too sincere?), but I think I’ve beaten them all with my own title. I mean, if you’re going to go the hype route, why stop at two syllables?

Last but not least, just in case you miss the Viaduct as I will, I’ve taken the liberty of re-posting my own video of a drive I took last year. This was back when I was still using existing tunes instead of tracking videos with my own music.

I think you’ll agree that it makes for a much better listening experience.

Godspeed, Viaduct construction workers, godspeed.

1 comment to Viaductmegaddonpaloozastockdoomfest

  • wafflesnfalafel

    It really is one of last old school highways around here – no more skinny I-90 bridge with a chicane built in for your driving excitement; no more ‘merge’ onto I-90 from a right hand standing start after the tunnel; no more suicide merge at 520 and 405. Certainly from a safety standpoint it’s a good thing – but I kinda miss some of the crazy hwy design. I suppose we have enough people on cel phones now that make the new ‘safe’ highways dangerous enough as it is. Atleast we still have the 520 to Mercer lane jump – outta my way, I’m cuttin’ across 4 lanes all at once at 37mph! Woo!

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