August 2012 was Seattle’s driest month.
If it stays dry for another two days, this will be the longest stretch Seattle has gone without rain in the history of, well, Seattle.
This being the case, surely Lisa Van Cise and all of her colleagues in Seattle meteorology no longer have anything to complain about. Right?
Oh, ye of little understanding of the mentality of the privileged, suburban, media-employed white person.
Last weekend, Lisa was complaining about the brown spots on her lawn, and opining that we could use some rain.
Last September, Lisa Van Cise’s fiance’ fired up a web browser and flamed me on my own blog. Under a false name, of course. I mean, what would the neighbors think if they knew he read Seattle Rex?
Also, being the anonymously brave guy that he is, Jo.., I mean “Bob” also created a Twitter account from which to flame me, and Lisa was so impressed by this act, that last Spring, she married him.
Now we know what turns her on.
So, what did my semi-anonymous detractor have to say about my sun vs. rain article:
“You need to realize that you are in a minority here. Most people like sunny days. Just except it. There are things in this world that are inherently good, and there are things that are inherently bad. Sunny days: good. Terrorists: bad. Yes, journalists should always remain objective and present both sides of the story. But you’re not going to find any in this country reporting on 9/11 from the terrorists’ side of view, just as you’re not going to find weather casters catering to the handful of freaks out there who hate sunny days.”
So, there you have it. The rebuttal of the sun-worshipping side of the argument. To summarize, clouds are terrorists, and anyone that likes the terrorist clouds are freaks.
You know, the more I think about it, the more I envy “Bob”. I’m absolutely positive that the guy is hung like a moose. He has to be. Who in the hell would marry him for his intellect?
Lisa Van Cise, that’s who.
Anywhoo … speaking of the whole “handful of freaks” thing, I recently found an article which makes me feel just a little bit less like a terrorist-loving freak loser:
Basically, a study of over 1,200 people, the largest study of its kind, found that, contrary to popular belief, weather actually has little effect on mood. It also reached the following conclusions:
- Be it sunny or rainy, roughly 50% of people were completely unaffected by weather.
- Of those with a preference, females were twice as likely as males to prefer the sun.
- There are almost as many people who dislike summer, as there are who like it. As a matter of fact, the difference between the two groups is only 6%.
- More than twice as many males as females preferred cloudy weather to sunny weather. (which explains why “Bob” is so confused that anyone could prefer the clouds)
- People who strongly disliked rain were in the overwhelming minority. Only 20% of people reported such a dislike of rain, with more women than men reporting as such. The other 80% were referred to as a “handful of freaks”.
So, what does this all mean?
I’ll tell you …
It means that my oft-repeated phrase “You can be right or you can be popular, but rarely both” maintains its general accuracy.
It means that once again, as is usually the case … I’m right, and everyone else is wrong.
It means that, as I’ve theorized all along, those people around you cursing the rain and having orgasms when the sun comes out are responding more to social pressures and expectations, than they are to the actual weather.
Last but certainly not least, it almost certainly explains why Lisa Van Cise was walking funny when she came back from her honeymoon.